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dumpedagain153 · Oct 17, 2010, 04:38 AM

My partner of 4 years has just walked out on me and moved in with her boss, with whom she has had a relationship with for about a month, she has taken her 2 children with her also. She has only known him for around 5 months, when she started the job, and I know the relationship has only been going on for around a month. She will not talk to me, or engage in any dialogue regarding moving her belongings from my house. Turns out this is her MO, she has done this throughout her life, always in the same manner. She moves in with someone declares her undying love (I am sure she means it too) and things are wonderful, I thought I had died and gone to heaven, then after a time (in my case 4 years and apparently I did well) she begins a clandestine relationship and simply leaves with no communication or closure. I am left bewildered and badly hurt, along with a trail of other hapless men.
How can she live with herself, the children are lovely and seem to take it in their stride, how can you be a soul mate with your partner (and she was) right until the day you leave then completely shut them out? We dated for almost 2 years so as to be sure of our (my) feelings, taking on her 2 children was a big decision for me, and I gave it my all. How will I ever trust another woman?

DoulaLC · Oct 17, 2010, 04:50 AM

So very sorry that you are experiencing this. Know that there are women out there who would not do the same. There are many people who would never think of stepping out on their partner and who would take their commitment seriously.

There are many who have been in your shoes and then have gone onto finding loving, trusting relationships.

It will take time, and there is no way to make the journey faster, but you will find yourself ready to trust again.

I wish you well...

dumpedagain153 · Oct 17, 2010, 05:24 AM

Thanks for your reply and good wishes, I just feel I cannot trust my own judgement, it all seemed so right, and she was head over heels in love with me, and it was I that wanted to take time to be sure, what more could I have done? She kept so much of her past relationships to herself, after she left people began to fill in the gaps. I feel betrayed and used, and a total fool, I wonder how long the new guy will last? Always the same MO she simply leaves and moves in with the next guy, with no communication.

DoulaLC · Oct 17, 2010, 08:03 AM

You could look at it this way... you avoided getting even more involved with her. If you had been married to her, you would have all of the legal issues that would go along with a divorce.

She was with you for four years; no doubt she really did love you, and likely still does to a degree, but her feelings changed.

Unfortunately, she didn't fill you in on how her feelings had been changing, giving the two of you the opportunity to work together on it, and instead of being straight-up with you about wanting out, she did what some people do... she stepped into a new relationship before ending the one she was in.

The new guy will likely not last too terribly long. One thing people like her just don't seem to understand is that the grass may seem greener on the other side, but eventually you find out that you still have to mow it.

Silver lining... and I know sometimes you have to look really hard to find one... she set you free so that you are able to take some time and find someone who will be better suited for you.

You will find someone better, but take your time. Be careful not to jump into another relationship too quickly until you have had time to sit back and consider what you want and need.

You will trust again... and when the right person comes along, you will find that you will be willing to take that leap of faith all over again... :)

talaniman · Oct 17, 2010, 08:39 AM

Sorry guy, but when things are done the way she does things, then there are always those left behind who bear the brunt of her actions, and if you think your hurt, think of what her children must feel, and deal with. They are the true victims, as you are free to move on, and someday recover, while they have no choice but to endure yet another suddenly changing situation.

I think you celebrate your freedom, as you lick your wounds, and see a better day, while you pray for her kids, and her dumb azz boss, who has made himself her next victim. Consider yourself lucky, and get busy removing all her stuff, so she can't double back, and bite you in the butt again. Then you wouldn't be her victim, you would truly be her fool.

There is no shame in being fooled ONCE.

beachloverjohn · Oct 17, 2010, 03:41 PM

Are you kidding? You wonder how you can trust other women? Don't judge them all by her immoral behavior. She is definitely the exception, not the norm, so I wouldn't worry about that for a second. And rest assured, a woman like that will not keep a man for long. You are better than that, so be thankful that it ended when it did. Every minute you are away from her is that much less time that you would have wasted. There is someone else out there that is waiting for you to discover her, so keep looking.

dumpedagain153 · Oct 18, 2010, 11:58 AM

Thanks guys for your input and good wishes, you are right of course re her children, they are truly lovely, and are remarkably well adjusted, and I miss their fun and laughter around the house, and I have had a quiet word with the big guy to look out for them. I do fear for their future relationships though, they have been set a terrible example of how to run a relationship. And her boss really really shoud have known better than to get involved with his staff! Once again thanks for you comments, I shall be licking my wounds for a while yet, before trying to find Ms right.