[SadLdy]

My boyfriend of 5 years up and left in the middle of the day packed everything and moved out. Called me 5 minutes before I was to get off work and told me. Left without paying his bills and no food in the house. I was devastated at the way he did it. I love him so much but know its for the best. The last 6 months he has been very verbally and emotionally abuse to myself and my children. He is an achoholic. All we did is fight lately. Why is it so hard to get over someone like this? Why do I think about him? Any Advise?

[beachloverjohn]

First I would send him a thank you note for doing for you what you should have done for yourself. I cannot feel any sympathy for you. I'm so sorry to say this. But you kept living with a man that was abusive to your children? And an alcoholic too boot? I don't have any advice for you as to how to get over this man, only in how to be a better mother. But I don't think you want to hear that..


On second thought, I will tell you. First you don't live with someone that is potentially dangerous to your children. Second, you put your children before your own selfish needs. Third, you make better choices in men. If you want to accept abuse, that's up to you, but your kids don't have the same choice. And last, get over this guy, and figure out how to pay your own bills.. {If he owes you money, take him to court}

[Enigma1999]

He did you a favor by leaving. He evenknew that he was bringing you and the kids down. That was his way of saying, I am no good for you and these kids.

I know you're in pain. He has a disease (achoholic). He needs professional help.

Is he the Father of your children?

[SadLdy]

Comment on Enigma1999's post
Enigma Thank so much for you comment that really makes sense and has opened up my eyes. No he is not the Father of my children. I should say that my boys are 15 & 16 sorry if I made them sound younger. He and my youngest were very close.
Comment on beachloverjohn's post
beachloverjohn, Thank you for your comment but I do not need more mean & harsh words. I have had enough of those for a lifetime. I can pay my own bill, but these are his not mine. Again Thank you for your comment.

[answerme_tender]

Sadldy,

You don't want to hear any more mean and harsh words. When you advise that this man not only verbally and emotionally abused you but your children and you weren't the one to leave, then people are going to comment.
I was one of those children that went through abuse because my mother didn't put her children first. She would tell me how much she love me, and of course how much my adopted father loved me. Well let me tell you I would have done better off with out that kind of love! I am still amazed how any mother will let a person abuse their childrent and yet still say they are in love with the abuser.
Iam a grown woman and yes I know what its like to go through the devastation of a break up. I know the lonliness and heart breatk. Its hard, but I can guarantee your children are THANKFUL that he is gone!!
Im not saying that as a parent that we don't make mistakes, but you might want to get you and your sons into counceling to deal with this. I wish you the best.

[beachloverjohn]

Yes sadlady, my words were harsh, but not meant to be mean. You see, I also had to live with my mother's "boyfriend" in my early teen years, and I was emotionally scared for many years after that. Not only because I thought my name was "stupid", but because I had to witness many nights of the two of them fighting. I hated my mother for awhile because I couldn't understand why she allowed herself and her children to be treated with such disrespect and contempt. I'm much older now, but if I live to be 100, I will never understand how some women can claim to be in love with an abusive man, especially when there are children involved. My words may sound mean to you, but your question was "How do I get over this man that I love that left me?" Well the first step is to try to figure out what it is about this man that you love so much. You've already stated enough reasons you should be glad you're rid of him. So once you come to terms with all of this, you will realize that He may be nothing more than a shadow of the man you fell in love with. But I do think your thoughts are more of a panic at the thought of being without your partner. But for me, it is a lot easier for me to get over a mean abusive SOB then a wonderful human being that I drove away. Start loving yourself, and you will no longer need a man like that to waste your precious love on. I never meant to offend you, just to open up you eyes.

[talaniman]

You don't have to get over him, just take your freedom and rebuild a happier, healthier life for yourself, and your kids, and before you know it, you all will be healthy, and happy.