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samlonely · Oct 12, 2010, 12:01 PM

I'm so sick of feeling like I've done something wrong. I'm a very sexy person he should be grateful I want to have sex with him! Like all relationships 3 years ago we were hott and heavy. As time goes by he seems to just lay on his stomic and pertend to be asleep. I've turned him down two times in three years, I was sick with the flu once and the other time I was in a lot of pain. The worst part is after a few hours both times I ended up having sex with him. I've tried turning it around and just not bother. But really I like sex, it's normal! He is 8 years older then I am, I wonder if he is have some man issues?

Aren't men the ones who want sex all the time?
I'm tried of my man acting likes *****!

beachloverjohn · Oct 12, 2010, 03:36 PM

Well yeah, I'm a man and I never turned down sex. I don't know what his problem is. Why don't you ask him. Doesn't sound normal to me. But if he can't perform, then he either needs to get help, or you will bring in a relief pitcher.

Cat1864 · Oct 12, 2010, 04:12 PM

How old are both of you?

You need to look at what is going on not only in the bedroom but the rest of your relationship as well. What has changed over the past three years (or the time that things have really slowed down)? Is he under a lot of stress with work and/or school? What is his schedule like? Has it gotten more complicated or busy? What is his health like? Does he have any medical issues or is he on any medications that can affect his libido?

You can't really equate the past with the present and trying to say that because you did x he should do x adds pressure. Pressure to perform if he doesn't feel capable can complicate the problem and make it worse.

You really need to talk with him about your concerns. No accusations or blame. Just a good honest discussion where you both listen as well as talk. See if you can reach a compromise. If he refuses to discuss the issues with you or tries to blame you, then you may have more of answer about what to do next.

soygatita · Oct 14, 2010, 09:11 PM

Wait for him to come to you. Then turn him down... nonchalantly, sweetly, of course. No matter how hard it may be for you - rub one out or whatever you need to do, but stick to it. Guys need a challenge sometimes... to remind them that the lady they are with is worth working for! Make him work for once, Miss. I know it's silly, but you may find it even turns you on more when he is working for it... opposed to you always trying to get some attention. No Ma'am... make him work.

Cat1864 · Oct 14, 2010, 09:41 PM

Please do not play games with what you want and need. Be honest and communicate openly with your boyfriend.

To paraphrase Synnen, one of our Adult Sexuality experts, if you can't talk about, then perhaps you shouldn't be doing it.

soygatita · Oct 14, 2010, 09:55 PM

Cat has a point. You don't want to play games. But you DO have to be confident! If you don't have it in you to approach him, or have tried and failed, another approach is to show confidence in yourself by not needing his sex to validate you as a woman. You can get satisfaction without him and he may need that reality check (without words) to see that is true.. and see the value of having a beautiful, sexy woman readily available to him... Actions speak louder than words.

If these approaches don't work, maybe some men can give insight to some man issues he may be having...

beachloverjohn · Oct 15, 2010, 05:38 AM

Originally Posted by soygatita

Wait for him to come to you. Then turn him down... nonchalantly, sweetly, of course. No matter how hard it may be for you - rub one out or whatever you need to do, but stick to it. Guys need a challenge sometimes.... to remind them that the lady they are with is worth workin for! Make him work for once, Miss. I know it's silly, but you may find it even turns you on more when he is workin for it.... opposed to you always trying to get some attention. No Ma'am.... make him work.

That's a good idea. Then after you finish playing that game, then the two of you can play hopscotch, or maybe hide and seek. If your going to play adolescent games with each other, you might as well go all the way. Or you can deal with this problem like adults and try to find a solution.

smoothy · Oct 15, 2010, 06:32 AM

How old are both of you... there is a huge difference between being 21 and 61.