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discochick · Oct 8, 2010, 08:57 AM

A kid in the neighborhood pooped in my backyard (my daughter told me) and this isn't the first issue with bathroom issues with him - he had pooped in my pool as well. He is old enough, a second grader, to know better and I approached him and asked him in a non-threatening way if he did this and he admitted it. We chatted about this, his father approached and the three of us discussed it and then the three of us went to the location to p/u the poop w a bag. Mom is pissed at me for this - dad seemed fine. Did I overstep? Mom said I had no right to discipline her child.

Fr_Chuck · Oct 8, 2010, 09:05 AM

You have no real right to displine the child of another person. You should be talking to the parent and allow them to do it.

You can ask and keep the child out of your yard and pool.

discochick · Oct 8, 2010, 11:24 AM

Easier said than done - my child is friends with the neighbors children. And maybe to this point, the neighbor parents have been friends as well. As for the issue, this was the 4th time this has been addressed and I wasn't trying to discipline but allow the child to tell the parents and the child chose not to so I did - that is where it ended - I don't think I disciplined the child when the father was there and went to the poop when it was picked up.

Wondergirl · Oct 8, 2010, 11:30 AM

I'm wondering why he's doing this. Is he being defiant or acting out in some way? Does he do it anywhere else? Is he developmentally delayed?

What did the father say?

DoulaLC · Oct 8, 2010, 04:18 PM

Originally Posted by discochick

A kid in the neighborhood pooped in my backyard (my daughter told me) and this isn't the first issue with bathroom issues with him - he had pooped in my pool as well. He is old enough, a second grader, to know better and I approached him and asked him in a non-threatening way if he did this and he admitted it. We chatted about this, his father approached and the three of us discussed it and then the three of us went to the location to p/u the poop w a bag. Mom is pissed at me for this - dad seemed fine. Did I overstep? Mom said I had no right to discipline her child.

I think you had every right to discipline (teach) her child. It doesn't appear that you were harsh or over stepped any boundries, especially since this was not the first time. You merely ascertained that he did indeed do the deed, let him know that you did not want him to do it again, and had him clean up HIS mess. Parents now know about the problem and will hopefully talk to him as well.
I think it may be more of a case of mom being embarrassed by the situation.

I would also want to know whether there were any physical or emotional concerns that may be a contributing factor in some way. If not, it may be that he felt that he was just either too busy to take the time to go inside, he may be allowed to do this sort of thing in his own back yard, or he may have just thought that it was a silly thing to do.

ScottGem · Oct 8, 2010, 04:34 PM

Originally Posted by DoulaLC

I think you had every right to discipline (teach) her child.

I totally disagree. Disciplining and teaching are two different things. Unless the parents give express permission no non parent has that right. But I don't believe that's what the OP did. I think the only action she could take was sending the child home. But since the father came by, she was within her right to talk to the father and let him participate.

DoulaLC · Oct 8, 2010, 04:45 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

I totally disagree. Disciplining and teaching are two different things. Unless the parents give express permission no non parent has that right. But I don't believe that's what the OP did. I think the only action she could take was sending the child home. But since the father came by, she was within her right to talk to the father and let him participate.

I see discipline as teaching, not necessarily as punishment. She was not punitive, she merely called him out on it, explained her expectations, and had him clean it up. His father was there as she spoke to him and obviously was in agreement with him going to clean up after himself.

If one of my kids were to do the same, I would expect the other person to speak to them... especially since they are all friends. I, of course, would also want to know about it... which his father did. I would not want them to be harsh or hateful, but that does not appear to be the case with the OP.

ScottGem · Oct 8, 2010, 05:17 PM

Again, I agree that the OP seems to have handled things properly. But I disagree that disciplining and teaching are the same. And I disagree that anyone else has the right to discipline someone else's child.

Jake2008 · Oct 8, 2010, 06:07 PM

The kid pooped in your pool, of course you're going to say something to him. In fact, what you did was have him take accountability (before he forgot or his mother came up deflective excuses), for his actions, immediately.

To ignore it would have been inappropriate; you cannot ignore a kid who poops in your pool.

You didn't yell, scream, admonish, embarrass, humiliate, or otherwise overstep the bounds of common sense and tact. He pooped in your pool, which is a health and safety issue for everybody else who uses the same pool.

If the mother has a problem with it, I'd say that indicates she need to take off the poo coloured glasses, and step up the potty training, and/or perhaps keep him in a diaper, and keep an eye on him at all times.

Until he is trained, I would not allow him in the pool unless one of his parents is present, with a pooper scooper and a few bags. He is either not trained, or choosing to go inappropriately, for whatever reason. That is a parenting problem, and not your concern to address.

Any reasonable person would have done the same thing you have done. Myself included.

Homegirl 50 · Oct 8, 2010, 06:41 PM

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to DoulaLC again.

I also agree with your assessment that the mother was probably embarrassed. That is why she got so angry.

Nsc1202 · Oct 8, 2010, 07:45 PM

She's dumb her kid needs to be taught sme manners. You should have shot him with a bb gun

Homegirl 50 · Oct 9, 2010, 08:13 AM

Originally Posted by Nsc1202

She's dumb her kid needs to be taught some manners. You shoulda shot him with a bb gun

I disagree. She is dealing with a child, there would be no point in her acting like one. That kind of behavior does no one any good.

jelly1bean · Oct 31, 2010, 06:57 AM

Well... I will have to answer this Yes and No. As far as you asking the child if he did it, of course you would. Don't know anyone that wouldn't have do that. Unless I missed something all that I read you did was you asked him and then you talked about it with his father with the child. Then you all went to pick up the poop. I think maybe she was embarrassed as well. Not sure what someone would say to someone after their child did that. Maybe they are having issues with him and she is scared of what might be going on with him. Just a guess.

As for why I said "no"... that would be about disciplining someone's child other than your own? I just can answer it from my opinion, I would never spank or anything another person's child (even friend's children and they have told me to if I needed to). I never spanked my own, why would I theirs. I think talking to them is fine, saying no is fine. I have done that. I have even had friends that are having issues with their children and ask me to speak to them to see if I can get their point across better. So, Yes - to what you did - as far as asking the child and then you and the father talked to him and had him pick up the stuff (he should have picked it up, he did it) So, as I see it you weren't the one actually "disciplining" the child, the father was. He was right there. But no, if you mean anything more that talking, asking or explaining.

J_9 · Oct 31, 2010, 07:09 AM

Oh, geeze, I love to play Devil's Advocate.

Is it possible that the child has some "potty" issues? I know my 8 year old does and we are getting that straightened out with the help of the doctor.

Sometimes kids this age have "issues" with pooping. If they are unable to go at school they "hold" it until they get home, then it hurts to go when they get home. It gets to a point that they eventually have to go no matter where they are. This is actually a medical condition.

I, too, see discipline and teaching as two different animals. I have no problem with someone teaching my children, but if anyone besides me even attempts to discipline them, well then, we got a problem.

You spoke to the father. You should have let him handle it from there, you should not have been involved in any other way, shape or form.

shazamataz · Oct 31, 2010, 09:25 AM

If all 3 of you went to clean up the poop then there should be no problem. Obviously the father had no problem with it or he would have said something then and there.

I agree with other posters in that the mother is probably very embarrassed about what her child did and instead of appologising for his behaviour her natural reaction was to get angry/defensive.

I don't really understand your post J, I understand that it's possible for the child to have potty issues, but he is definitely old enough to know that the neighbors pool is not the place to go!