[dellamae]

I don't know where to start. In Feb of this year my husband started staying out, he was drinking a lot at the time, he said he was making money?? This was going off and on he even told me one time that he "used to love me", he said I was a loud mouth female etc. All during the time that he was drinking. I told him over and over that he was hurting me. He would tell me he was taking his cousin home and wouldnt' come back to the house. He didn't get me flower for valentines day, (the first in 20 years), our anniversary we didn't do anything. My birthday he didn't get me anything or mother's day. Then when I went to the beach with his sister Memorial weekend he didn't even call me. I called him, he worked all weekend. Oh I forgot in April I caught him talking on a cell phone and I didn't even have the number his thing was I would call him all the time. I came home from the beach and I was just asking him "did he want a divorce". I told me YES, I cried for days on end. But needless to say we didn't separate. He continued to go out all the time never called me or even when he got to work. He would tell me if he needed me he would call me. Then it was still going on In August he told me he wanted a divorce again. He was so hateful to me. He was drinking I would say 4 - 5 days a week. He would tell me to shut the f*** up, I wished I never married you. I accepted the fact that the alcohol played a part in it. Then In Sept I had reached my limit, I told him after he told me the night before he was taking his cousin home, he never came back. I met him the next moring and I told him that if he didn't want to stay in the marriage and stop staying out all night that he had to leave he told me he didn't have anywhere to go, I told him to go stay with his cousin, Guess what when I got home that afternoon he was gone. I was really mad at him, he ended up being gone for 3 months. He would come up here all the time in the middle of the night etc. But he never came up here when he wasn't drinking. Now mind you I don't drink I used to.He was telling me to go find someone else. That we didn't have anything in common but Sex and drinking, then I gave it up the drinking and that went that. I have a neighbor that was a good friend to me, I would sit on the back of his tailgate and drink a two beers, yes I know I shouldnt' have done that. But I was so lost. My husband had said when he left he was going to find his own place to his daughter and our daughter. But I was so upset. Anyway this neighbor is married to. His wife started ragging him about our talking so I met him a few times to have a beer with him, now please know that My husband wasn't here living with me. (during the time he was gone, he was on moonshine and came up here and we got into a argument and he hit me twice). We dranked a few beers in a foodlion parking lot, and lowe's hardware. And I would come home, strictly no sex at all. Well, then my husband decided to come back home and we were going to settle the stuff and I was going to move out. So he came home on Sunday and I kept asking him about our marriage he kept telling me he wanted us to end being friends and leave it at that. Well, that Wednesday I opened my mouth and told him, I had dranked 4 beers and muscle relaxers. I came home and he had finished cooking and told me not to be mad at him, he was leaving again for the night, I in turned told him that the man next door was going to help me on a down payment on a home and he was probably going to move in with me. Big mistake my husband told me he wished me luck. He left, when I realized what I had done, I cried and cried. I called my husband back at work on the next morning and told him I didn't mean it. The following Friday, things got really really bad. My husband was drinking and he was so mad, I thought I could drown it out, so I started drinking mix drinks, I have no idea what happened that night after that. Only what I am told, I was told that the man next door came over, my husband went and got him. My husband went over and talked to him and the man told him that he had fallen in love with me sitting on the tail gate of his truck. Now, I am not in love with the neighbor. I was suppose to have been given a choice and I said I loved the neighbor, I think I said it to piss my husband off, then my husband said there went his world of 18 years of marriage, I then went after my husband and told him I was so sorry that I wanted him. I told the neighbor I was sorry. You see during all of this, I took Ambien and Zanaflex. My husband knew that I took the med's. At least he said I was in my meds. I don't have any idea. I thought it was the last of it, I told my husband I loved him. This happened on Friday. Sunday he came in with boxes for me to pack my stuff up and leave. He told me he couldn't get it off his mind and that he couldn't live here with my "boyfriend' living next door. I have never had anything sexual with my neighbor.( he is 20 + years older than me). Now my husband has moved out of our bedroom, but still comes for sexual just about every night. He tells me he doesn't believe me nor trust me. This all happened after he moved out. He thinks I had affair, but I didn't. I know I shouldnt' have met with the neighbor, but I was so depressed and I needed a friend and a male point of view. We have had a rocky marriage over parts of our years together, and he has been abusive to me. Am I at the point that I am just scared to start over? Or is it that I dont' want the guilt that I destroyed this marriage. When he talks about trust, he was gone over 50 something days and wont' tell me where he was at, now this is 50 something days when we were living in the same house. He would tell me I am 46 years old and I am going to do what I want. In the end, the neighbors wife won't speak to me, she things we were sexual, she hired a P.I. and he didn't get crap on us but drinking beer which is what we said we did. Then this past thursday night I went with my husband (the first time he asked to go anywhere since this happened) to his cousin and their was this guy that is about half crazy, has made advances towards me before, never touched me, but mouth and I told my husband about it. He didn't listen but that night that guy was doing it again, I told my husband about 7 times I wanted to go home, now my husband was drinking in fact all of them were but "me" I haven't dranked a drop since that Friday night. My husband asked me to stay I would leave when he left. So my husband walked outside with another man, and this guy started moving his chair closers to mine. I kept telling him to watch it that he was going to get in trouble. He kept telling me he could tell me things, this guy has a nasty temper. I thought he was talking about on my husband, so I told him to tell me, but he didn't the next thing I knew my husband had me by my jacket and pulling me up,, calling me a whore. And telling me to get in the truck.. I wouldnt' I told him I was walking home, oh my god my husband was so mad at me, All I was doing was trying to not start anythign down their. I was watching TV. etc. not talking just not stirring up anything and this guy was doing all of the crap. When I got home, I walked not far from the house my husband came out at me again. I don't know if he said anything to that guy but it was my fault, he told me I was whore I couldnt' stay away from men. We argued a lot , and I called our daughter because I was scared. She came and calmed him down. After she left I got boxes off the back porch and started packing my stuff., off the walls. My husband came in their after she left and started wanting sex. So the next morning he cooked our breakfast and seemed like he was wanting to make up. That afternoon he started drinking and he started up that night again about the crap. It was like it was my fault again. So can anyone tell me how to handle this. He told our daughter that he was going to quit drinking and start a new life 2007. I don't work and I depend on him for my insurance. I have raised his son and helped with his daughter. We have a daughter. Drinking is something he does quit often accept his hasn't in 3 days. I am getting totally blamed and tonight he said something again about the neighbor. He told me he wouldnt' live next door with the neighbor next door. I said some hurtful things. I don't think he wants to believe me, it is better to shun me than it is to forgive me. He has something on me now to hold over my head. Cause I am not drinker, but I did drink more beer when he was gone. Please any advice. Thank you...

[ordinaryguy]

It sounds like you and your husband are very well matched. If neither of you changes, you could go on like this for a long time. If you both change (a LOT) you might be able to salvage your marriage. If one of you changes but not the other, it will probably be the end of it. You have no control over whether he decides to change. So how about you, are you ready to change, whether he does or not?

[dellamae]

Didn't know I could post such a good story. Writing a book thanks for reading it.. Now I can start a good story.

[betty2boo]

Men do that so we can feel guilty and all along its them that doing all the real changes sometimes you have to let go and let god. Get up go get a job and depend on yourself you will have more of a self esteem and live life to the fullest you only once.life is to precious.