[ipk84]

Hi. My partner and I don't have sex as often as we used to. We have an 11 month old son and I know that he draws every last drop of attention! But when it comes to the love making I'm there 100% but my partner is, well, to put it simply she says that the thought of sex disgusts her. How do I help her find her libido again?

[talaniman]

By backing up and letting her heal mentally, physically, and emotionally from her child birthing experience, and being supportive, and appreciative of what she has been through, and paying close attention when she has her follow up doctor visits. After care is as important as prenatal care, for both mother and child.

Sorry guy but be patient, and explore some other ways of being intimate with your wife. One thing that worked for me was spending a lot of time with your newborn, and giving her a much needed break. What does that have to do with a lack of sex?

Talaniman Rule- Love the mind, the body will follow.

[Synnen]

She should also be consulting with her doctor if this is a drastic change. Pregnancy affects hormones, and AFTER a pregnancy hormones are still out of whack.

But having a child WILL change a libido--if only because the amount of energy a person has doesn't change, but the amount NEEDED for an infant is huge.

[Homegirl 50]

Having a baby takes a lot out of you, not to mention lack of sleep. It takes a while for everything to get back to normal.

Of course you're there 100% You have not gone through 9 months of pregnancy and hormonal changes and then childbirth.
Sex is not the only means of intimacy.
Draw a bath for her at the end of the day, give her a massage, take care of the baby and give her an evening out. Let her know that you love her and what she has given you and not just her vagina.

[martinizing2]

Giving my (ex) wife breaks and taking care of the baby was an enormous help in this dept.
Great advice tal

[martinizing2]

Very well put

[martinizing2]

I will agree with everyone and feed off my own experience.

It is not uncommon for this lack of interest in sex to occur with new babies around.
As I commented, I took as as the burden off her as I could.
I had her sister show up as a surprise to take care of the baby for a day in exchange
For my buying them (her and her husband) dinner and I watched their kids for that night.

My days off from work became her days off from baby care.
It is a huge job taking care of a baby, do all you can.
I am not saying it was easy, but it was worth it.

I wish you well.

[Cat1864]

How old is she and did she/is she breastfeeding? Is this her first child and the only one in the house? Is the child sleeping through the night?

I am concerned that the child is nearly a year old (11 months) and she is still feeling this way.

It could be hormones and/or being tired. How are other aspects of your marriage and her relationships with other people?

It is not uncommon for either parent to see sex and intimacy in a different way after the birth of a child. It is often difficult to separate the mother from the lover. She may be caught up in the caretaker role and ignoring or not recognizing other parts of her being.

I think you need to sit down with her and discuss how each of you is feeling and what can be done to enhance your relationship. Find out what would help her find the sexual aspect of her being. See if she would be willing to see her doctor and rule out hormonal imbalances that could be affecting how she feels and thinks and other postpartum complications like depression.

Court your wife. Do things that show how much you love and care about her without expecting sex in return. Make certain that she has some time for herself. Even if it only ten minutes a day. During that time, no housework or child-related activities. Don't expect her to change back to the lover she was before having the baby or for things to get better over night.