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Happygirl18 · Oct 2, 2010, 04:15 PM

Hey guys,

About 8 months ago I met a guy through a mutual interest, and fell absolutley in love with him. I've had boyfriends before, but had never felt anything like this. We had everything in common, he understood me and I honestly felt he was my soulmate. I am 18 and he is a few years older.

Trouble is, he has a very serious girlfriend he has been with for years. I have met her, and she is lovely, they are virtually the perfect couple.

To make matters worse, he has become one of my best friends. I see him at least everyweek and am in contact with him usually daily. Its really consuming my life.

Basically, I NEED to get over it. I am a realist and I know there is no future. I need to start moving on with my own life because honestly this is all I think about and its really starting to interfere with my daily existence.

A more direct issue - a group of us are due to go away in a few weeks for a couple of days, including him and his girlfriend. I can't decide if I should go. I really love being his friend and spending time with him but it hurts me so much to see them together. I'm starting to think I can't have both, as in I can't be his friend without all the pain.

Do I have to cut ties and lose a friend to get over him?

Thanks.

Wondergirl · Oct 2, 2010, 04:33 PM

Either you have to rise above it or you have to move in a different circle of friends and away from him.

This is going to happen throughout your life, so best get a handle on it now. There will always be a guy hanging around in your circle of friends who is a soulmate or who is just too cute and charming to ignore or who rings your chimes or who looks at you with his heart in his eyes -- and almost all of them will be married or taken!!

I'm thinking you should learn how to rise above it; otherwise, you're going to be moving in and out of a lot of friendship circles.

Now, how does one rise above it? Can you smash down and even obliterate your crushy feelings and treat him like anyone else? That's what you have to do, you know.

talaniman · Oct 3, 2010, 06:57 AM

I think you slow down on the daily contact, and limit the weekly contact, until you can get your feelings under better control, as WG is so right. We will always run into people we are strongly attracted to, even when married or involved, but that's so human. Just stay within the boundaries of good behavior that you set for yourself. Maybe you can't help who you have feelings for, but you can help what you do about those feelings.

Devorameira · Oct 3, 2010, 07:37 AM

Did you ever actually date him or was your interest just peaked from hanging out in the same crowd?

You already know that he's off limits, so you need to back away.

If you really thing it's consuming your life, it may be time to start hanging out with another group of friends that he isn't associated with.

jayjay87 · Oct 5, 2010, 10:36 AM

I think you shouldn't go, if he asks say you were busy, ul have a damn hard time getting over this guy if he's so involved in your life. Gradually stop talking to him, if he asks questions just say 'things in life I need to get str8' he'll get the hint

I wish · Oct 5, 2010, 10:48 AM

As someone who has been in your situation before, what I learned is that we all have to find our own ways to get over the other person. There's no one shoe that fits it all.

For me, I went with 100% no contact. It was very difficult at first. I would often break the no contact rules, only to reset my progress and to begin again.

If you can't handle being friends-only, then keep away entirely until your feelings have gone away completely. However, for me, there's virtually no chance of saving any sort of friendship. So be prepared to face that possible consequence too.