[jessicamarie]

Here's the background info: I am 23 years old, in college, still living at home. My boyfriend, of a few weeks shy of 2 years is bipolar. He is 22 years old, works for his dad, and still lives at home as well. He is on many medications for the bipolar, including: depakote, wellbutrin, lexapro, tegratal, seroquel (to sleep and mood stabilizer) and vivance (for ADD). In my opinion and in his, we think this is too much BUT his mom trusts his long term Dr. and she pays for the meds so it's her call. Regardless, he functions well most of the time. We have went through many ups and downs in our relationship, in the beginning things were great until he had to switch many of his meds, came off lithium, cymbalta and adderall. This was a very trying time through the mood swings and "freak outs" but we made it through. About 6 months ago, he wanted to break up, we did, one week later we were back together. His reasoning was, he just didn't think we were meant to be. Then about a month and a half later, he broke up with me again. A week later he was asking to work it out. I held off getting back together with him for about 3 months. He said he would begin seeing a therapist (his main DR. only prescribes meds, doesn't really "talk" to him) He went a couple of times and then had a motorcycle accident. Broke his femur (thank goodness that was all) but point being, he quit going. Things had gotten a lot better, and now, the past two weeks, things have seemed to go back to us fussing, a few nights ago he talked about us breaking up again, he's been VERY defensive and attacks me so quickly, has been very negative about things. I'm just not sure anymore. I love him very much, and like her husband, he is a good man in his heart. He cares about people and he can be very sweet and caring. But I guess what my question is, do you think the bipolar moods is what is causing him to go back and forth on his feelings for me? I'm not sure how to handle it. Because right now, of course I take it to heart, and I'm devastated and hurt, that I gave my heart back to him. (After the second break up I let go and was all right with things, it was hard but I wasn't going to do it anymore) but after 3 months I felt I could trust to give myself back to him and now he's questioning again? So my first reaction is to want to talk to him about it, but that only seems to make it worse. He doesn't want to talk a lot about his feelings, and I ask him if he still loves me, and is in love with me, and he says yes, but it just doesn't seem very enthusiastic. Is this just the bipolar? Or is this something more. I have just started a very in depth and difficult program (sort of like nursing) in college, and it's going to take a lot from me. I'm not sure I can cope with the stress of school and the stress of such an unstable relationship. Any comments or answers are appreciated.

[Wondergirl]

Unless he can get his meds figured out and stablizing him, this roller coaster will continue. It's the bipolar, not him, talking.

My grandmother was bipolar, and I remember my grandfather just carrying on steady as a rock, just agreeing with her and complimenting her on dinner or her dress or whatever. She verbally abused him terribly at times, but he knew where the words were coming from, so he didn't take them to heart (at least not to observers). He was her rock and loved her dearly, no matter what.

Your college situation may make it hard for you to be a rock, so you'll have to decide if it's worth the roller coaster ride right now. Don't push him or try to engage him in discussions about feelings (his are all over the map). I'm guessing he loves you, just as my grandmother loved my grandfather, but the illness controlled her life too much of the time (back in the 1940s and '50s).

Just take him as he is and love him. If that becomes impossible, you'll have to back out of the relationship for your own sanity.

[Caturah]

Life is so short and you have so many big decisions yet to make in your life. With a critical college issue in your life... the basis of your future career you need support and friendship... not more stress. You seem right on cue when you mentioned the stress of an unstable relationship. What I have learned in life... it is very important to weigh these psychological issues when choosing a mate and then when choosing to have children. Your children could wind up with these same problems --like one of mine did--.- Because we have been taught to not be politically incorrect and judge people by their frailties... we sometimes accept serious issues like this in a mate. But as I have seen. Things do not change when you marry. Any negative aspect of the person you marry will only magnify itself. And you should consider if you can live with that fault the rest of your life before marrying... and if you want to take the chance of passing it on to your children.