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kcox24 · Dec 29, 2006, 12:50 PM

Ever since my husband and I have known each other I have said I want kids, he said he was not sure. I left the relationship (before we were married) because he was not sure and I was that I wanted children. Well, over the next year, he changed his mind about kids and proposed. We got married and I am now 7 months pregnant. These past 7 months have been so hard. I have had an easy pregnancy, but feel totally alone. My husband continues to go out and leaves me at home all alone. I get jealous that he is out having fun that I can't have and then get angry. He has withdrawn completely from me and the relationship. Physically, he is present, but emotionally vacant to me. He has never touched my belly and we never have sex or intimate moments. He keeps complaining that I have changed and I can't help but think, "Of course, I have changed... I am pregnant and creating my daughter." He says I am not as much fun because I do not go out anymore. He does not understand how awful it is to be pregnant, in a smokey bar, wanting a drink, but can't have one, then having to socialize with a bunch of drunk people... miserable!! He flat out hates me right now and I am really hopeful that things will change when we have the baby, although, I fear it may get worse. At least I am sleeping most nights. I have heard that some men are just repulsed by pregnancy and this is common. Is this true or did we make a mistake??

J_9 · Dec 29, 2006, 01:38 PM

Kcox24, I have moved your post to the relationship category since it is more about the relationship you are having with your husband than it is about pregnancy itself. I am sure you will get some great advice here.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 29, 2006, 01:46 PM

I doubt that he hates, you, men often have trouble adjusting to being a father,

But you and he need to sit down and talk,since after you have a child, you both can not just pack up and go hand out in smokey bars, ( not that you actually ever need to)

He will be a father and have RESPONSIBILITY, he is going to have to do things with and for the baby, he needs to understand going out is now going to the park, or McDonalds play yard and the moview to see Snow White or killer Ninga Frogs or something.

He is going to have to give up some of the old ways and adopt to being a family and a husband and a father.

talaniman · Dec 30, 2006, 09:55 AM

I agree with Fr Chuck here as you both are in flux right now over the birth of this child. Each of you have your own concerns and fears to deal with and just talking quietly and honestly with out blame or judgement over individual needs can go a long way. This is a storm we all have to ride out and it goes smoother with communication, especially with the first one. You should hear the stories my wife tells of the birth of our first, and the nut that I was, WHEW! Did I do That??

richsaha2007 · Dec 30, 2006, 01:42 PM

The best thing to do is to have a deep talk about the past 7 months. You must explain to him how he is hurting you emotionally and mentally. He probably does not realize how much his actions are affecting you. The best thig is to just talk about it. Explain to him how going out to a bar affects your child. Im sure he doesn't hate you, he is possibly just having a hard time adjusting as a father. A lot of men go through this stage.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 30, 2006, 01:56 PM

And if all else fails, ( and even if it does not) a really good thing is for both of you to get counseling, I am a strong beleiver that even in people who are not having any trouble, counseling can really help.

Next pareting classes, drag him along to some, esp if this is a first child, they are really helpful and can start making him part of it.

Next start letting him do some of the MANLY things, since he can't go out and kill the meat and drag it home, what ever room you are going to use for the nursery, get him painting it, have him build some shelf or put together a crib. Let him start being the parent in a role he can be able to grasp.