[fletchy8]

Okay so my boyfriend and I dated for a solid 10 months and we were PERFECT. We spent every second together and he came to all of my games and everything and always wanted to spend the whole day together and stuff. We were eachother's firsts for everything and we were madly in love. He has told me he wants to marry me and everything.

Well he is a year older than me so he graduated last year and on the week of his graduation he started acting weird and not talking to me very often and I got mad at him and kept blowing up hs phone and stuff and not leaving him alone. Well eventually, we talked and decided that we needed a break but that we should be "talking" and not see other people. Well a little while into the break I found out that he kissed another girl on the night he graduated and I got mad and went to his house and freaked out and yelled at him and everything and we stopped all communication for 2 weeks. Well I missed hm so I texted him to meet up and exchange things and we met up and started talking again.

All summer he kept saying he wanted to date me again just not yet and that I had to wait. Well things kept going wrong and other people kept stepping in the way and we kept getting mad at each other and stopped talking. Well a week before he left for college (an hour away) he asked me to be his girlfriend again and we were back together. Well a week later I heard that he had messed around on me even more while we were dating the first time so I asked him about it and he said no that wasn't true it happened when we weren't together but "talking" I got so mad I didn't talk to him for 3 days and he came into town just to see me and was begging forgiveness. Well that night he suggested we take a month and don't talk at all and see how we feel about each other after that month. I thought it was a good idea until I freaked out and started blowing up his phone over and over. He asked me to homecoming so I needed info and he wouldn't ansewr! I was gettting desperate to talk to him so one day he came into town and we talked and he said that he just needs time and space to decde what he wants. Well that was a week ago and last night I went to visit him in college so we could party and we were talking about the whole thing and he got mad and told me I was being so annoying and that he never wants to hangout because all I ever do is cry and talk about our future and that he doesn't want to talk about it anymore. I felt bad and apologized. He is coming in town next weekend to get ready for homecoming and then the next weekend for homecoming itself.

I love him and I just want him to come back to me. Is it possible? How can I do it? He said that he still loves me but that he just doesn't know if he wants to give up college partying life for a girlfriend right now. HELP!

[talaniman]

Hmmm. Maybe you have to face the fact that your not the girlfriend, for a college guy who is enjoying the party he finds himself in. You can't be missed, or looked on as someone to miss, with your history of wanting to talk about the relationship all the time, and freaking out.

That would scare any guy away ,because its just too much drama, too much emotion, and just plain no fun at all, and an unnecessary distraction to HIM. I highly suggest you focus on other things besides holding on to a relationship with a guy who clearly is not as madly in love as you are. Things have changed, and you have to adjust to the reality of those changes.

If you don't, you will run into the same brick wall that you have been. Give him what he asked for, time and space, and plenty of it, as you get a life that you enjoy without him.

Now you can keep doing things your way with the freaking out, and annoying him, or you can try a totally different approach, let him do his thing, and you do yours.

[fletchy8]

If I try moving on do you think he will come back at some point?

[talaniman]

If I had psychic powers, I could answer that, but I do know that if you put yourself on a better path by healing, and doing your own thing, you may not want him back, because you have found better options than him. That happens a lot more than lost loves returning.

[NairobiPOD]

Hi fletchy, I'm not an expert in this field but I've been in the same situation from both point of viewsyours and your BFs.

From my experience in your BFs situation I can tell you that he still has feelings for you, otherwise he would tell you that it is definitely over.
But he feels preasurred in the relationship. He wants you in his life but he doesn't want to give up his freedom. He still wants to do the things he used to do knowing that they might hurt you. But he is not ready to give them up!

But I've also been in your situation. When I met my wife I thought I found the person I always wanted to be with, we were perfect for each other, we could finish each others sentences and read eachothers wishes before they were spoken out.
But we were very young. And after a while my wife realized that she also didn't have enough of freedom before she met me and startet the same behavior.
I can tell you for more than one year I felt like I was going through hell, trying to keep her, doing everything, calling her when she stayed away the whole night. But I just made it worse. We fought so much, there was no sign of love from her side, but she kept inisting that she loves me and still has feelings and just needs some time.
After one year I decided that I had to end this because otherwise I would have broken down. That was 6 Months ago and she is still the love of my live and it hurts a little when I remember our good times, but still I am convinced that I am better without her, and I continued living my life.

Whatever you do, you will not influence his decision or behavior. He will decide himself when he is ready for a relationship with all the strings attached.

It's up to you if you want to keep waiting for him, and leave him in peace for that time because otherwise you would make it worse, of which I know it is a terrible time, a time he will do many things that will hurt you. Waiting till he decides by himself that he is ready.
But be aware of the fact that that might never happen, and everyday that you'll be waiting a small piece of you dies till you break down.
Maybe he'll come back, but you will never get the things he did to you out of your head, and they will poison your relationship.

Don't do that to yourself, I know how hard it is to move on and find back the joy in your life, but you have to if you don't want to break down.

[Homegirl 50]

You two are in two different stages of life and this relationship has way too much drama. Having fits is just not attractive.
Let him have his space you take advantage of yours. You may find you are enjoying yourself without him.

[Just Looking]

You are 17 and 18, I assume. That's way too young to be thinking about getting married, especially when you have college ahead of you. People change so much from 18 to 25. Give both of you a chance to mature and experience life before you try to make life-long decisions. My parents always counseled me to finish college and start my career before I thought about getting married. It was partly to make sure I had my priorities straight, and partly because they knew how much I would change. I’m so glad they did that and that I listened. You will have plenty of time to be an adult. Right now, you should be having fun and preparing yourself for your adult life.

Homegirl is right – way too much drama. Would you want to go back to him if the situation was reversed? I think you give him the time he wants. You concentrate on school and becoming more independent. If he does come back, you show him that you can be a reasonable girlfriend and let him experience college life, without the guilt trips and insecurity. If he doesn’t come back, you look at the relationship as something meaningful in your life, but something in your past. You move on, most likely to bigger and better things because of all that you have learned.