[toffee_apple87]

I had slept with this guy just sex no feelings or attraction or anything just sex I didn't really enjoy it that much think it was more the attention and filling a need because I hadn't had sex in a very long time but then shortly after I met a really amazing guy who I fell for instantly. We automatically clicked, but a week later I had arranged to meet the previous guy I was sleeping with even though I had spent most the evening at a mates house and the new guy had been there anyway I left and went and got in the guys car but as soon as I got in his car I knew I didn't want to I instantly changed my mind so nothing happened he dropped me off and I went to the new guys house and waited for him to come back not long after my mate told the new guy that she seen me getting into a car and she knew I had been sleeping with this guy but I kept denying it to him because I didn't want him to judge me and think it was something I did all the time but 18 months later I finally confessed the lie was eating me up alive and the subject of the car kept coming up we had a really good relationship but now he feels he can't trust a word I say and won't come near me were trying to work it out I don't want to give up on this.

We have managed to sort a few things out and were still together but he won't touch me he's avoiding me like I have some sort of mallicious disease and its really hard not been able to touch somebody you love so much I know I've made a big ,mistake I just didn't want him to judge me and gain opinions in those early stages I've never ever cheated on him or told any other lies just this one other than that I've always been completely honest I want it to be back how it was its not what I did that bothers him its how I lied lying is a really big noi no in his eyes now he feels he can never trust a single thing I say but I so desperatly want us to work I refuse to give up on us as were so good well before any of this I have majorly massive regrets I've shed many tears over the past three or four days I'm hurting so bad I've never loved someone this much before please help anybody.

[Curlyben]

Some punctuation and sentence structure would be advantageous to your question, otherwise it is simply an unreadable WALL OF TEXT.

[ItchyAndAnnoyed]

Don't give up on him, but don't start desperately protesting. If he won't believe you now then he won't believe you. I'm sorry but there's no more you can do.

Just be honest with him now, know you'll never do itagain and explain why you lied in the first place. But no more protesting and trying top explain, it only falls on deaf ears and ever heard the saying 'those who protest too much?' He could well think you are lying now but you cannot change that or prove any more.

You have to accept that you made this circumstance, you cannot change it, you can only hope he will come around. He probably thinks you were with the 2nd guy but so what? Were you dating your boyfriend then? Because it looks like you've just met him, not dating. In which case you can bone, flirt and be with whomever you like. He cannot be annoyed for the act it'self but he can be annoyed that you lied.

By lying, he now questions everything. It's a betrayl of trust of which there was no need, which probably makes him wonder more that there's stuff you aren't telling him. You cannot change that, just let him have his own time and hope he comes around. Give him time and space, try to forgive yourself for lying in the first place-even if he doesn't forgive you, you have to let it go. It happened, it was a mistake.

[talaniman]

What you did was bad, and unnecessary, but you have apologized, and now you back up, and let him make up his own mind, and get over it, or not. Not a way to start something good with someone, but as bad as the lying is, losing your dignity, and self respect is even worse.

You bite the bullet, and leave the fellow alone, and learn from your mistake, whether he takes you back, or not. I say this because I don't think after 18 months you get to punish some one for their past. He didn't believe you in the first place, so he kept pushing again, and again. You never should have lied, he should have confronted you honestly in the beginning, and he should have left you alone if he thought you were lying. Real simple. His hands are not as clean as you think, and that doesn't excuse you, but it was none of his business what you did before you got together and thats what you should have told him then, instead of lying.

[Devorameira]

You really should have told him the truth to start with, but it's too late to dwell on that now.

If I read it right, you had sex with the guy before you met your current boyfriend, then met up with him a week later.

IF it's been 18 months and he's still questioning your honesty based on that one incident when you weren't even truly in a relationship with him yet, then he's being a jerk and will continue throwing it in your face as long as you're with him. In 18 months he should have regained confidence in you.

You've done your part by apologizing, so you owe him nothing more. If I were you I would seriously reconsider this relationship.

Your boyfriend is uncaring, controlling, and not worth your time.

[answerme_tender]

You are a grown woman, and what you did prior to being committed to him, is your business. However I would like to say this, as a grown woman you better be able to stand tall and look someone in the eye and tell the truth. If your so ashamed of something your doing in your life that you feel you have to lie, then stop. Take pride in yourself!
You just need to sit down and have a heart to heart with him, tell him that you love him and will not make same mistake of lying again. However if he cannot get over this then you feel he never will and its time to move on. You want he as your man, not your punisher. Good luck

[Jake2008]

Had to spread the rep AnswerMeTender, but I agree with you.

The post is hard to read, but my take is, that you slept with a guy, then moved onto a new relationship.

You made a mistake in judgment when you decided to keep the previously made date with the first guy.

But, you redeemed yourself by not following through, and you quickly stopped the encounter, and got out of his car.

So, how long do you have to kiss his *ss before he forgives you for something you didn't do. It doesn't sound like he gives you any credit at all, for making a choice not to carry through with meeting up with this guy and sleeping with him.

Agreed that you should not have got in the car, but that is all you did.

You didn't hop in the backseat for a quickie, you didn't add him to your Facebook, you didn't text him continuously, or keep him on the side for the odd romp. You aren't having an affair, and you didn't cheat. You just got in a car with him, then quickly got back out.

You could have done all those things, but you didn't. You could have straightened out his misunderstanding by explaining the car thing 18 months ago, which you realize now would have been a better idea than lying about it. But the 'it' and his reaction, seem out of whack with the importance of the 'event' now.

It sounds like your 3 minutes in that guys car, has amounted to the equivallent of having had a full blown affair.

So, what else is there to explain. It seems he is reading far too much into this about the 'honesty' thing; in fact, he doth protest too much!

It isn't likely you will jump into a car with another man again, and you have clearly been faithful. ( He has, incidentally, no business in your past either in my opinion, if he starts demanding information on all your past boyfriends.)

He needs to get over himself.

[realzero]

You didn't cheat, but you did lie. Have you asked what you can do to make things right? If he can't answer, give it time. But that is if you feel the need to make up for the lie. If he can't get over it even with you being upfront and clear about trying to make up for the mistake, you would be better served by moving on. At that point he's burning his own bridges for whatever reason and there isn't much you can do to stop him if his mind is set.

[Homegirl 50]

Stop sucking up to him. He either trust you and wants or he doesn't, and it sounds like he just wants to make himself feel good by making you feel bad.
It's time for you to forgive yourself and dump this guy.
No relationship ought to have this much drama and punishment.

[toffee_apple87]

Whichis best to follow your head or your heart because both are damaged goods at the moment .

[toffee_apple87]

There's 15 years between me and my partner, he thinks I willlose interest and wantto find somebody my own age but ilove my man and the age gap really doesn't bother me, obviously I have considered the future seriously , but still I want that future with my man, but he finds that hard to believe.

[toffee_apple87]

Yeah this is what I've said, I understand where he is coming from because he has been through it before... but they obviously weren't genuine about it where as I am.

[Fr_Chuck]

If you are still in pain from a old relationship, then follow which ever is not getting you into a new one yet, learn to be on your own and be happy, then ad someone to your life.

[Fr_Chuck]

Is it 50 and 35 or 15 and 30, where the age gap is also makes a difference

[pandead]

A "damaged" brain can still make healthy decisions but a heart will be vulnerable and desperation won't help you.

Go with your brain, at least for the moment. When it's time to follow your heart, you will know it.

[SUPA_FINE]

I feel like it don't matter, because I'm 20 and my boyfriend 31

[talaniman]

If the head and heart are damaged them follow neither. Remove yourself from the situation and let them both heal so you can trust them both, again.

[talaniman]

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...me-510377.html

Sometimes its not the age, but the people involved, and how they handle things. Sometimes we are so in love we ignore the red flags that are waving, and think that everything is all right ,and we just get in so deep we don't know what to do. You and this fellow have a lot of issues between you, that is causing these conflicts, and don't seem to be able to resolve them.

Maybe you are to close to the problems to see them, or don't want to. Maybe you are too attached, I don't know. I do know you should maybe back up, and get facts because your feelings are getting in the way of you seeing him for what he is.

The fact is, you haven't been together long enough to know if what he says is absolutely true, or he is as he seems. Figure in the circumstances of how you got together, then you have a lot of insecurities, and fears to work out. I don't know what you expect after only a month or so of dating, but its obvious its not realistic, but it does sound rushed.

Too much, too fast, crash and burn. All those red flags are telling you to slow down, and enjoy getting to know some one before you see all this love you think your feeling. No wonder your having conflict with him and yourself.

Talaniman Rule-Never follow your heart when it's so broken, it makes the brain feel like mush

Talaniman Rule- never be in a hurry to give your heart to a stranger. Wait until they have proven they deserve it, and know what to do with it.

Talaniman Rule- Doesn't matter how intense the feelings, or how much fun you have, never give your heart to someone you don't know well, and that's only after the lust has worn off for you both.

Talaniman Rule - Don't miss other opportunities and options because your stuck on someone who is not as stuck on you, that's just plain crazy.

Talaniman Rule- Be honest with yourself, and be honest with others.

Talaniman Rule-Never put all your eggs in a stranger's basket. Save some for your own basket.

Talaniman Rule-if they don't like you, forget 'em.

Talaniman Rule- Give yourself 6 months of dating and getting to know someone, before you decide together to be DATING EXCLUSIVELY, and having fun getting to know each other.

Talaniman Rule-Never put all your eggs in a stranger's basket. Save some for your own basket.

Talaniman Rule-if they don't like you, forget 'em.

Talaniman Rule- Give yourself 6 months of dating and getting to know someone, before you decide together to be DATING EXCLUSIVELY, and having fun getting to know each other.

I think all of these rules appy to YOU!

[toffee_apple87]

I'm 24 and he is 38 x

[toffee_apple87]

Really foundyour post helpful but thoughti would let you know we have been together for two years and have already bee through a hell of a lot we've actually been very strong but this age thing has just popped up