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    Kitkat22's Avatar
    Kitkat22 Posts: 6,302, Reputation: 1191
    Uber Member

    Sep 23, 2010, 05:07 PM

    Until his wife finds out. Mistresses are a dime a dozen. They think and you think all the bull he is telling you is true? Not! A mistress is a piece away from home. Don't make the mistake of thinking you are going to be the one whom he leaves his wife for.

    A lot of woman who are mistresses think the same thing you do, they think they are the one and find out when the new wears off he either moves on to someone younger or prettier or he goes back to his wife.

    The wife is always going to be in the picture and you or any other woman who is a mistress are deluding yourself if you think any different. This is my opinion.
    beachloverjohn's Avatar
    beachloverjohn Posts: 491, Reputation: 242
    Full Member

    Sep 24, 2010, 07:12 AM

    Well if you insist on being a mistress, and are not concerned with playing with fire, then at least try to be the perfect mistress.

    1.The time you spend with him will be limited, so make sure you only say yes when there are no distractions.

    2.Never complain to him when he can't see you, don't put demands on him, and keep your own life private.

    3.Don't act like his best friend and let him talk about his wife while he is with you. And if he does complain about her, make sure you don't.

    4.You don't have to be faithful to him so see whoever you want. Just make sure you don't tell him because it will only cause problems. Men who take mistresses often expect exclusivity,{even though they have no right to it}

    5.Most important, don't fall in love and don't get emotionally involved. Because now he can hurt you, and being a mistress should be fun, not full of pain.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert

    Sep 24, 2010, 07:45 AM
    John- had to spread the rep, but that was brilliant. :D
    beachloverjohn's Avatar
    beachloverjohn Posts: 491, Reputation: 242
    Full Member

    Sep 24, 2010, 08:10 AM
    Comment on Jake2008's post
    Thank you again. You are very kind.
    Justwantfair's Avatar
    Justwantfair Posts: 3,422, Reputation: 944
    Ultra Member

    Sep 24, 2010, 08:11 AM

    Affairs that the wife didn't know about... And in your fantasy world, you want to be his wife. What a sad objective to have. Marriages become routine, they require commitment and work, this man is showing you that he doesn't possess that skill set. Your relationship will become routine at some point and undoubtedly he will then replace you with something fresh. Something that doesn't require attention or place demands on him.

    It's unfortunate that you can respect this man while he is disrespecting his wife. You want to excuse the behavior, but in the end you are the one who will pay the price. I have found that 'once a cheater, always a cheater' is not always the case. The difference is those who cheat once become remorseful and CHANGE the behavior, after three months where is his remorse.

    You will go on, hurting yourself and this woman in the process, then what will come of all the wasted years that you could have been dating available men, men who will respect you, someday make you their wife in a healthy relationship.
    Kitkat22's Avatar
    Kitkat22 Posts: 6,302, Reputation: 1191
    Uber Member

    Sep 24, 2010, 11:26 AM

    I have often wondered how a "mistress" could think she had a future with a married man. Who would want too? Holidays and birthdays with the wife. School events with the children. Vacations with the wife and kids. He may take you on a weekend or even a week long vacation but it only means he needs a rest from all the sex he say's he's not having with the wife.

    No matter if you wear edible underwear and have no stretch marks, his future is with the wife. You may even have a friend to call her and tell about his affair with you. She probably won't be surprised because he's done it before and he always goes back to wifie.
    DoulaLC's Avatar
    DoulaLC Posts: 10,488, Reputation: 1952
    Uber Member

    Sep 24, 2010, 12:51 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by lil024 View Post

    Will a man stay in a marriage even though he is unhappy ?

    Yes, until his wife finds out that he is a man without integrity, that he is a liar who can not be trusted, that he will say and do whatever he needs to to get what HE wants, and then she divorces him.

    Then you can have him all to yourself! Good luck!
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert

    Sep 24, 2010, 01:00 PM
    You know Kit, I'm not so sure, that if our OP had said she was having an affair with a married man, vs. being a mistress, that we wouldn't have more sympathy or understanding for her.

    With the divorce rate being what it is, and a presumption that a good chunk of the statistics are because of people having affairs with married men/women, who get caught, and end their marriages, the hope of the one having the affair with their married lover has the same expectations don't they? He'll leave his wife and marry her?

    I'd say a mistress or adultress or whatever you want to call her, is not a rare bird. Someone falling in love with a married man (for arguments sake), fell in love and feelings were reciprocated by him. Why does that make her such a worse person, than the husband.

    (not saying that's what you're saying, Im just sayin'... )

    He was the one either out looking, or working on, having another woman on the side.

    I'd say that he has equal, if not more, reason to back off and not pursue a woman by any other name, other than 'wife'.

    To play somebody like he has, and have her (naturally) fall in love, as relationships tend to go, then just keep her hanging on for a sex object, in my opinion, is one of the worst ways you can ever treat a woman.

    This man also happened to be her boss, and that is a workplace abuse of power, whether she sees it or not. HE is using HER. She gains nothing, he gains everything.

    So to the OP, I hope you see your way clear, and realize that this relationship you have with this man, will never be an asset, or advantage, or one with a future- ever. It is almost like a contract he has with you, and I have to say you may want to consider that perhaps your future success in the company you are in, may depend upon your compliance in the bedroom.

    Not good for you, any way you look at this. Let the gutter snake go back to his wife, for the 'honourable' reasons he states, which are that him staying with his marriage, is he best thing for his son. The best thing for his son, would be to set a good example, and lead by example, because surely at some point, if you continue, he will be caught, and will have some explaining to do.

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