[tb715]

I guess I need help with acceptance of what has happened in my life. I was engaged to whom I thought was a wonderful man. We have been engaged since November 11, 2009. We were going to get married and have a wonderful life. Well, right before our wedding, my middle daughter admitted she had a problem with prescription pain medicine abuse. She moved in with me along with her twins who are almost 3 years old. I am trying to get her help and there is the possibility that I will be caring for the twins for a while. My fiancé said he loved me, but he did not want to be a father to two toddlers, if worse came to worse and I have to raise these children. Now, I am wondering if he just didn't love me enough to help me with my troubles or was I asking too much of him to be there for me with this. I didn't want this either, but I can't walk out on it like he did. I would have never walked out on him in this situation. Any thoughts that may help me get over my heartache?

[beachloverjohn]

There is not much you can do if your fiancé doesn't want to accept this. At the same time, you have to do what you feel is right for you. There is no right or wrong in this situation. Some men can handle this, others can't. I would not measure his love byhis concerns. Many men expect their new marriage to be free of theses kind of problems. It really is a tremendous sacrifice you expect your future husband to make. Better he tells you now that he cannot live that way then get married anyway and be in constant turmoil. I'm sure he is still a wonderful man, but he is not a saint and knows he can't deal with it. You have to do what you think is right, and hopefully you can work something out so you don't end up sacrificing your life and happiness for your daughter.

[tb715]

Wow beachloverjohn, that was a great answer! I think you are so right on every count. You made me feel a lot better with your insight. Thanks so much and I do intend on doing all that I can to get my daughter back on her feet so she can continue to raise her children whom I know she loves.

[beachloverjohn]

Thank you for your nice words. And helping your daughter get on her own feet is the best thing you can do for everyone concerned. She is a very lucky girl to have such a loving caring mother. God bless you.

[tb715]

I needed to hear that also :-) God bless you as well!

[talaniman]

You're a lucky person, and a good one, and maybe you will find a guy that deserves you, and loves you for the solid person that you are. He could not, and its good you found out before you married him.

Good luck, and prayers for you, and your family.

[tb715]

Your a lucky person, and a good one, and maybe you will find a guy that deserves you, and loves you for the solid person that you are. He could not, and its good you found out before you married him.

Good luck, and prayers for you, and your family.

Thank you Talaniman!

[Shadowburn]

He may have loved you, but at this stage of life he didn't want a burden of caring for two toddlers. It is a tough one. I know you probably feel rejected and very hurt that he could walk out like this, but please don't take it personally. He may have raised his own children already and was looking forward to spend his golden years in peace and quiet with a good companion, not to start the whole family thing over.

Having said that, please try to work out some kind of arrangement with you daughter because it is very unfair to you too. Of course you can't walk out when she needs you, but enabling her by taking over a mother role for her kids is more than she should be expecting.

[talaniman]

Everybody hopes that our kids grow up, and do well, so we can play with our GRANDS, and enjoy them. Sometimes a parents work is never done, and we have to help our kids with whatever it takes, and hope we get some peace, and quiet later. Ask me how I know.

You do what you have to do, and hope it works out, and they appreciate it. As a parent that's just reality for life it seems, like my own mom still tells me, I will be her child forever. Hope this guys kids don't come back with their own brood for a yearlong visit, he would probably freak.

[tb715]

You are so right about everything Shadowburn. He is ready for the freedom from child rearing and so am I. I just felt like I had no choice about what was happening and he should stick by me if he loved me enough. I know I was asking too much of him, though. It wasn't fair to him because when he asked me to be his wife, this was not in the picture. I do hope my daughter gets over this addiction and is able to be a good mother to her beautiful boy and girl, but with addictions, you never know. Thanks Shadowburn!

[tb715]

Everybody hopes that our kids grow up, and do well, so we can play with our GRANDS, and enjoy them. Sometimes a parents work is never done, and we have to help our kids with whatever it takes, and hope we get some peace, and quiet later. Ask me how I know.

You do what you have to do, and hope it works out, and they appreciate it. As a parent thats just reality for life it seems, like my own mom still tells me, I will be her child forever. Hope this guys kids don't come back with their own brood for a yearlong visit, he would probably freak.

You definitely made me laugh out loud on that last sentence! He has 4 children. The youngest is 14. He has custody of the 2 youngest, 14 and 16. I was more than happy to help him finish raising the teenagers and the boy had already told me that he wanted to call me "Mom". He has his hands full now since I am not there to help him out. He wants us to get back together but only when my problem is over with and the outcome is a good one.

[talaniman]

LOL, by then you will be entitled to a restful vacation. Some wonderful guy you HAD, " hurry up and clean up your mess so you can clean up his"

>Hugs<

[tb715]

LOL I am so glad to be able to talk this over and even laugh about it. Thanks Talaniman!