[maryjane1]

We dated 29years ago, I had a baby from a previous relationship and we were no longer together, this man loved me and my child and I thought things were great between us... he then left and I never heard from him again. Last year we connected on Facebook and we arranged to meet, the chemistry was there from the start and it did not even feel as of all those years had passed between us. I can't get him out of my head or my heart... I know his married - but I had him first, I don't think they have such a great marriage and he is only there for the kids... I need him, he's my other half - I can't live without him... I love him


I want to be with the love of my life... we dated 29years ago and have reconnected last year, however he is married and will not leave his wife...

... at first he told me that he loved me, he would say that he loves me lots, and he would sms me and phone... I know that she has been watching him very carefully and maybe he just does not want to take the chance. I can't let him go... please help

[talaniman]

Sorry but you really do need to let him go, as no matter what he says he feels for you, he ain't leaving home, so to have him means your okay with a part time secret love that has no future. What else is going on with you, and your life that makes you even consider trading your dignity, and self respect, for a fellow that's willing to cheat on his wife?

Why would you help him cheat, when he didn't step up before when you had another's child, or were you cheating on him then?? You are wondering if he has feelings for you? Maybe he does, but obviously he doesn't have the time.

[Cat1864]

Maryjane, he is married. He is off-limits and unavailable to be a relationship with you.

It doesn't matter what your relationship was like 29 years ago. You have no place in his life. YOU are the other woman and he is cheating on his wife. Their marriage is their problem that they should be working on.

YOU should cut all ties with someone who is willing to use you for his own entertainment. That is what a mistress is-entertainment. IF he did leave his wife, do you think he would stay faithful to you. More than likely she thinks they have the perfect marriage and he has been lying to you about the state of his marriage. Who else is in his past or present that he could tell the same type of lies to if you were the main woman in his life?

Stop thinking like a teenager with no life experience and start thinking like a mature woman who knows that MARRIED men who cheat on their wives are not to be trusted in any way.

[Shadowburn]

Why does it matter if he has feelings for you or not, he clearly stated he's not leaving his wife (staying for the kids - please!). See therapist, the whole thing sounds so unhealthy - how is it you can't live without him? You lived perfectly fine without him for 29 years, I'm sure you can carry on like this for another 29 years.

Get him out of your life before your self-esteem is totally destroyed, because it will be.

[BMI]

Terrible. Actaully it is shameful.

Consider he is married with kids, consider that you wrote 'but he was mine first' consider you also said 'i can't live without him'

I could keep going but I think it'd be a better use of my time to learn the quote function instead.

You stanger, sound as if you are 18 years old. Playing with children's games with adult players. Imagine, considering ruining a family, a marriage, lives, all because of selfishness and a 29 year old 'connection'. Add into the fact this all consdpired over Facebook! Teenagers conspire about this stuff, at least most of the time they are not hurting families and children, rather just growing up. I am at a loss to explain how someone (actually both) can use a site like that to create such... I don't even know what to say really. 1 year to consider ruining these lives and all you have is empty justification and galring selfishness as your response. Praytell, how do you know the state of their marriage? When did you get access to why he is with his wife? Oh right, he told you. I guess he'd have no other reason to say such things, or are you really that naïve to think he'd leave his wife and children because he met an ex of 29 years!! Ago over Facebook of all avenues.

While I think you and him are guilty, I think you'd both actually deserve each other. The poor man's family is the real victim. Sad.

[beachloverjohn]

First of all, being the "other woman" rarely works out. He will not leave his family for you. Why would he? You sound like an obsessive woman, who has no self respect whatsoever. You need to get some help because you are in major denial. It also sounds to me that he is getting ready, if he has not already done so, to end this affair with you. So let him go, let him be, he wants his family, not you. And by the way, this guy has some serious issues of his own, and you are not the answer, you are just someone he cheats on his wife with. Guarantee you are not the first, and you sure as hell won't be the last.. Think about that.

[ScottGem]

"How do I know a married man has feelings for me"

When he comes back with signed and finalized divorce papers.

[Kitkat22]

You lived without him for twenty-nine years. I imagine his wife can't live without him either.

[suzonthebay]

I agree with SCOTTGEM & BEACHLOVERJOHN all the others as well... I truly don't understand the question? Are you asking permission to pursue a married man? Miserable or not... "HE'S MARRIED WITH CHILDREN."

That's truly pitiful... It doesn't matter what he or anyone else does, its how you carry yourself. You mentioned, "you had him first years ago." Well, that's very immature and no wonder you are single. You sound very selfish and willing to break up a marriage with no regard to self respect, morals, values or real pain you will inflict upon his family. On the other hand, he sounds like a lost man with some real issues but, since he has not acted upon your inappropriate temptations... GOOD FOR HIM! Hopefully this is just a phase & he will get back to his reality.

You need to get a life and forget the past! If & when he ever gets a divorce and the timing is right... then, and only then is it acceptable to pursue him. Shame on you for even considering to interfere with a marriage. NOT GOOD KARMA AT ALL... sorry, but I get so frustrated with the lack of respect people have. Most importantly, you should realize that an "EMOTIONAL" affair of the mind can be far more damaging then the "physical."

Please find a hobby, go to a movie, go on-line, take a cooking class, go for a walk or bike ride... join a social group but don't go after married men. Its wrong. And please, don't get a dog or pet because I think you are lacking in loyalty... have commitment issues and would probably forget to take care of it or give it to the pound... Bottom line, be responsible & grow up.

[Jake2008]

It's very sad that you chose to mix it up with him, after 29 years. Knowing he is married, has children, and is not leaving his wife, pretty much delegates you to a romp in the hay once in a while at the nearest Motel, should you decide to pursue this.

I find it worrysome that you say you 'cannot let him go', mainly because you don't have him to begin with. His wife has him. She is in first place, you are in no place. That you knew him way back when, does not give you justification to feel that 'you had him first', in order to fuel this toxic fire.

You have already met up with him, and communicate with him on a (probably) daily basis.

This is an affair, you are the other woman, and you should be able to control yourself, and let these obsessive thoughts about 'your man' go.

By the way, are you married as well?

With the way you are thinking, and having to ask "how do I know a married man has feelings for me", tells me at least, that you have already gone too far, and you are not considering letting him go, for any reasons.

You very well do know he has feelings for you, and they don't generate from his brain.

If you choose to carry on this affair, you deserve everything you get consequence wise.

[Kitkat22]

I'll bet his wife don't understand him. Poor guy.

I'll bet they don't have sex. Awful!
He won't leave because he's afraid she'll kill herself. That's so noble.

She's a shrew who cannot make him feel like you did. Awww so sad.

That's sarcasm by the way. Chemistry is nothing but two people whose hormones are raging and they jump in the sack.

Leave this man alone.

[jmjoseph]

Yes, you two dated 29 years ago. And then HE LEFT YOU. He wanted someone else at the time. He married someone else, and now he again wants to trade her in. Not full time, just intermittently. He needs a little on the side.

Their love life is none of your business. His wife's behavior, and circumstances, are again, none of your business.

You obviously are lonely and desperate. Willing to be a part time lover. Go find out why you think so little of yourself as to be used as a sex toy by someone who is just "familiar" with your body.

If he loved you, then you would be his wife right now.