[tall_tree_noah]

I know this is a long read, but it was a horrible evening.

I’ve been seeing Annie for 5 months. There’s never an awkward moment when we’re together and our commonalities were almost creepy (same interests, same ambitions, hobbies and even birthdays). We even had a habit of saying the same things at the same time.

Unfortunately, 2 weeks ago, I told her I was hesitant about a relationship because she might be moving away next year. I wanted to speak to her about it. She completely misinterpreted me and thought I was breaking up with her. We didn’t speak for a few days and when we met up again she didn’t want to bring up that topic. Things went downhill and I could feel her becoming distant.

Last night, I met up with her for coffee. When I finally told her about her fears of moving away she was shocked. She misunderstood me and thought it was over between us, and that she DEFINITELY was not going away next year.
I was surprised by this serious miscommunication.

But I was even more taken aback when she followed up with – “but it did get me thinking over the past week and I’m beginning to doubt us too.’ She broke up with me there and then.

I turned into a needy wimp and instead of leaving, continued to linger and talk. She refused to communicate with me and just kept telling me to leave. Finally, after much goading she admits that – ‘You send me mixed signals and when you said you were hesitant, I don’t want to ruin our friendship.’ (I work 60+ hour weeks, sleep 4-5 hours a night and still make time to see her, yet this is how she views it).

When she told me that, I told her that wasn’t the case. That I hadn’t met a girl like her in a long time and it was stupid she couldn’t see how much I ‘****ing liked her’. It was a state of the union address that actually made her smile.

For about an hour, everything was fixed.

But I was caught up in the honesty of our moment. Later on, I stupidly told her that- ‘when we just met, I was in a relationship with another girl. But it was an open relationship and I was very honest about it. I wanted to give you and I a chance, so I ended things with this girl.’

Annie’s eyes widened. She stopped walking in the middle of the street and she just said – ‘I’m going home right now.’

I know what I said was stupid. But my intuition told me that she had trust issues with me. She’s a Christian girl without much dating experience. Her eyes started tearing up.

I responded–‘I broke up with this girl because it would have been wrong otherwise. But I don’t want to lead girls on when I know it’s going nowhere. It had less to do with you. I make my own choices.’

That was true, and seemed to assuage her momentary fears and I ended up driving her home around midnight. We go for a walk around the quiet streets, holding hands, talking and laughing. But my relationship senses tell me something is not quite right. I say to her-

‘It can’t be that simple. You can’t go from not wanting a relationship with me, to suddenly being OK within the span of 4 hours. What else is there?’

She replies – ‘I thought I was the intuitive one... but you’re right’

So we sat down on the curb in the dark and I wait for her to tell me. I wait. I wait. She steeples her fingers against mine and nestles her face into me. We sit for 2 hours and she can’t tell me. I become frustrated.

After much hesitation she says – ‘I just want to be friends. There’s an issue I can’t bring up or talk to you about. But it’s a big one and we should just stay friends.’

I stopped thinking properly and I stupidly started to rationalize with her. I tell her that she’s willing to throw everything away with me just because she’s too stubborn. I say being friends will not work, she either tells me now, or I walk away for good. It’s her choice.

She curls up in my lap. She buries her face in my shoulder, and clutches my arm tighter than she ever has. She was starting to well up. (This girl isn’t the type to show emotion easily.)

‘Finally she says, I can’t.’

I get up and leave. But my heart is not convinced. Stupidly, I end up leaving then turning back and saying – ‘well then at least say good bye to me.’

She refuses to. I say – ‘is this your choice then? Say good bye to me so I can leave and we can end it now.’

‘So you want me to tell you to leave?’

‘Only if you mean it.’

She shakes her head and stays quiet. We repeat this dialogue for some time.

Finally she says very unconvincingly – ‘go. Get away from my house then. Go.’

I drove off but not after saying - 'I haven't let a girl in for a long time and when I did you totally shut me down and out.'

Right now it's the morning after. I been an idiot. I know I made so many mistakes and broke so many rules. I really appreciate the effort of those who read all of that. If someone could offer some insight, or share similar experiences, I'd like never to repeat this situation again.

[pandead]

First of all, calm down :) You didn't "break any rules", you did what felt right at that moment and it is fine.

You did the right thing by being honest. I would rather be with someone I argue with, but who is totally honest to me, than a sweet guy that makes me happy but does things behind my back. It's the right way to build a relationship on a healthy basis (I heard it's called trust, waiting yet to see that, hehe) and if she can't understand that, she has a long way to go. (How old are you both?)

If she walked away, let her go. I can tell she is special to you but she made it clear, she "wants to be friends." The truth is - and I'm sure you know that already - no one really wants to be friends with their ex. It seems to me that she made up her mind and sadly, there's nothing you can do about it.

What you can do is to focus on your life. Don't try to talk to her into getting back together - and stop blaming yourself, too. She is the one who "wants to be friends" yet it takes her too long to tell you to go away. I honestly think the "big issue" she couldn't talk about is just empty words to breakup with you. So live your life and stay away from her. Good luck.

[lickemlolly]

Oh I have so played this game before... and that's exactly what it is too is a game... the cat chase mouse... dont play the game.. just walk away... she will play mean and tell you to leave that she doesn't want you in her life... but she wants to see you beg and chase her... I have had a guy play that game on me hard before.. the best way to deal with those type of people is to just cut them off... TOTALLY!! Mark my words when I say that if you keep talking to this girl this will continue... dont respond to her at all... this is where you have to turn on the icebox and show her you are not willing to play her games. She will get the point trust me

[talaniman]

How old are you, how long have you been courting? You sound so young, and caught up in a game.

Man up and leave her alone, as her version of friends is dates without titles. But she keeps girlfriend benefits. I would be wary of any girl who breaks up at the drop of a hat, and then takes you back even faster, and does it again before you get home. What kind of relationship can you have with a female who can drop you so easily, and so much? But if you like drama!

I think you should have agreed to be friends, then disappeared from her life, but since it is what it is now, leave her alone.

[tall_tree_noah]

She's 21 and I'm 25.

I do think she wants to keep me around as someone who will give her the attention she wants, but without any commitment to me.

"never make a person a priority in your life, while allowing them to make you an option in theirs."

I don't know where you got that quote Talaniman but I'm going to stick to that in this situation here.