[rob_alex]

I recently discovered hundreds of emails between my dad and another woman.
Having a quick read of a few and its undeniable that they are having an affair with lots of chat about how much they love each other and at times10-20 emails a day.

This woman lives in Slovakia and we live in the UK
About 17-18 years ago my dad went on a business trip there, and I think something happened. I was only 13 or so at the time a seporation occurred but they got back together, 3-4 months later and have been fine and happy since (as it seems)
I know little detail of why they split up originally but I think it was due to something that happned while he was away, and I think it's the same woman. They haven't been in contact all the time, in fact I think they have only got back in contact for 5 months or so.

He recently went on a trip with work to Slovakia (His company often have trips to europe going on) as soon as I heard that is where he was going, alarm bells didn't sound but I did frown.
Of the few emails I did read it sounded like they met up. My dad also said that when he went it was too hot to do anything there so work is planning on going again later in the year.

There are also other strange thing which start to make sense. He takes random picutres with his iPhone. Like he wanted a picture of me standing next to my car. Pictures of the quite nice view of driving in to town. Literally like he is sending picture messages about things he has been telling someone about.
My dad is a good amateur photographer with thousands of pounds of camera equipment. If he just wanted a picture for keeps sake he would have used that.

Im really worried as they are both close to 60 years old and something like this would not do their health any good ( my dad has heart issues and is diabetic and my mum has just stopped smoking for the first time in 40 years, ironically to pay for a holiday for my dad's 60th ). Plus there is the situation if he gets kicked out, where will he go? My mum can't pay the mortgage by herself and my dad makes very little money.
Its not like me and my sister can help out finicially either. We both have homes to pay for and in this economic climate we both only have about £100 per month left over after paying for our standard bills etc. Should anything happen we will both will struggle to help either with money.

What should I do?
Do I confront my dad in hope that he will end it?
Do I tell my mum?
Do I tell my sister to help me making a decission?
Do I tell his oldest friend who is also a good family friend.

I have told my wife because this has been eating away at me and I don't want her thinking its her fault that I'm depressed.

I read a part on one of his emails saying that he hates lying to my mum about what he is doing. I really do feel like copying and pasting that in to an email to him and just put " WHY DO YOU DO IT THEN?"

I hope you can give some sound advice.

Rob

[Jake2008]

What you have is, information you shouldn't have, have no entitlement to, and that is meant to remain private, belonging only to your father.

I don't know how you accidentally 'discovered' them, or what motivated you to read them, or know enough about what you read to make his private email your business, but, you crossed the boundary there. We are all entitled to our privacy without someone snooping.

In other words, you have no business dealing with business, that is not your business. It is not up for debate by adding others into the mix, like your siblings for example. You are opening a whole can of worms here, that you have no business opening.

I'm sure if you were to hack, access, etc. anybody's email, over the history of what you read within the email, you will find something on that person.

This does not affect you in any way, shape or form. You have created an entire future based on what you should not have read in the first place.

Your father is a mature adult, and he is entitled to his privacy.

Should he, on the other hand, approach you wanting advice on what to do, in the case that he and your mother decide to split or what have you, then, and only then should you open your mouth and offer support and any assistance you can.

I hope that you are able to keep what you have learned, to yourself. It is not your business.

[rob_alex]

Hi Jake,
I found this information by accident. He asked me to help him try get his emails working again and once I did, seeing about 90% of the emails from one woman is impossible to ignore.
If I wanted to hack his emails I could easily, I could easily delete all of his emails, delete the email address and not allow him access to it again. But I won't.

I also came on here for advice not judgement.

P.S.
I don't know how you can say a family destroying issue like this is none of my business.

[Cat1864]

Your father asked for your help with his emails knowing what was in them and who most of them were from. Did he have any idea that you would go beyond getting his emails working to reading them or that you would be able to do so?

I am wondering how much privacy he expected and if he was trying to get caught. If so, then he put you in the very bad position of being involved in his marriage. This is not a 'family' issue. It is a 'marital' issue and your father should handle it like a husband instead of relying on someone else to do his 'dirty work'. IF he set you up to 'discover' his indiscretion, then tell him to handle his own life like you have to deal with your own.

If he had no idea that you could/would see his emails, leave it alone. Confronting him probably wouldn't solve anything and might make him hide his tracks better.

[Jake2008]

I would presume that your father asking for your help with his email, didn't mean, reading it, and making the presumption that he was asking for your help.

As I said, if he actually comes right out and asks you for help, or that he's in some sort of flux about having an apparent affair, then it is best that you do nothing.

I ask a contactor to paint my kitchen, and he has to move the fridge to do it, does not mean he should see what I have in my fridge, and make assumptions about the wine bottles he finds in there.

And, from my limited knowledge of computers, I cannot see why any repair would involve reading someone's mail, just because you happen to have accessed it. Just my opinion, but I think you were snooping. And you read what you 'accidentally' found.

I realize you don't like my advice. You are not asking whether you have an obligation to bring it out into the open, what you have found 'by accident'. My opinion is, that because of the knowledge you obtained by reading his personal email(s), it does not give you some sort of 'moral' stance by which to a) judge him or b) do something about it.

Naturally its up to you. Because I won't say you were right, that pretty much disqualifies me from advising you what to do with the information you shouldn't have had in the first place.

Perhaps others can advise you how better understand what you did, in order to justify doing something about it.

[Wondergirl]

I'm with Jake on this.

You said --
1. I recently discovered emails
2. Having a quick read of a few
3. I think something happened
4. (as it seems)
5. I know little detail
6. I think it was due to
7. I think it's the same
8. I think they have
9. I did frown
10. It sounded like
11. Like he is sending
12. Im really worried
13. Should anything happen
14. I'm depressed
15. I read a part on one of his emails

You are making huge suppositions. Even if you are correct, it is none of your business. You overstepped your computer fixing privileges by reading your father's emails.

My advice is leave it alone entirely. Anything you do will only make matters worse.