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    candlelight's Avatar
    candlelight Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Aug 14, 2010, 10:36 AM
    When to talk again to an ex.
    Hello, so my boyfriend broke up with me because he felt that he couldn't commite to a long term relationship right now because of all the traveling him and his family does. I knew that and we had no problems with that in the past. But I really want to talk to him again. He said he still wants to be friends, when is a good time to talk to him again as friends?
    joe15's Avatar
    joe15 Posts: 15, Reputation: 1
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    #2

    Aug 14, 2010, 10:40 AM

    Hi I see your problem here " is it because you feel awkward about talking to him or what other?
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,794, Reputation: 2604
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    #3

    Aug 14, 2010, 10:45 AM

    Are you ready to be just friends or do you just want to talk to him?Seems to me like you are still pretty stuck on him.
    Leave him alone until you know you don't need to talk to him.
    candlelight's Avatar
    candlelight Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Aug 14, 2010, 11:17 AM

    I want to be friends, but I guess I also want to try and get back with him. Is that bad to feel like you want to get back together with him. Its only been a few days since we broke up and I'm not ready to talk to him yet. Plus I want to give him time to think and have some space. But I really want to know how much time is need. It wasn't a bad break up and it really did happen out of no where. We where fine the day before then he ended it.
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,794, Reputation: 2604
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    #5

    Aug 14, 2010, 11:59 AM

    The fact is he ended it.
    Leave him alone. You are not ready for just friendship so give yourself time to heal.
    There is no set time and regardless of the circumstances of the break up, he has broken up with you.
    How long were you two together and maybe he has found someone new.
    candlelight's Avatar
    candlelight Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Aug 14, 2010, 07:43 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Homegirl 50 View Post
    The fact is he ended it.
    Leave him alone. You are not ready for just friendship so give yourself time to heal.
    There is no set time and regardless of the circumstances of the break up, he has broken up with you.
    How long were you two together and maybe he has found someone new.
    We where together for 6 monthes, almost 7 which would be next Sunday.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
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    #7

    Aug 14, 2010, 07:59 PM
    The hurting will, in time, be less and less.

    Going from lovers back to friends, is not an easy thing to do.

    Often the 'let's be friends' is a sort of easy way to say that it's over. It would be difficult at best to put a serious relationship back to that status. With that in mind, I'd say it isn't likely to happen.

    That you didn't see it coming, doesn't mean that it wasn't. He may have thought about it for a long time before finally saying something. It is 'new' news to you, but likely wasn't to him. He has his reasons, whether you find them believeable or not. He does not wish to have a relationship with you, and I would include friendship if it were me.

    On a positive note, this was a very short relationship. You implied that he does a lot of travelling, and that would have narrowed down your time together too. So, maybe his lifestyle just prevents him from being committed.

    Try not to dwell on what could have been, or think that you have done something wrong, or that he doesn't mean what you say. Waiting for a phone that won't ring, or an email that won't pop into your inbox won't help you heal.

    All you can do, is take his words as being truthful. To him, it's over.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #8

    Aug 15, 2010, 08:35 AM

    Leave him alone, until he contacts you. You just have to cope with your feelings until then, or risk making yourself a push pest.

    That's not very attractive, and will push him further away. Sometimes we just have to realize it ain't happening like we want.
    descoladan's Avatar
    descoladan Posts: 8, Reputation: 3
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    #9

    Aug 15, 2010, 11:41 AM

    I speak from experience when I say becoming friends again rarely works. Ive heard of it working but haven't experienced it myself. When you start talking to an ex again, they get flooded of memories of you, good and bad. Sometimes this leads to dating again, it CAN lead to a friendship. But most likely it will just be a lot of awkward conversations then nothing...
    asmellinger's Avatar
    asmellinger Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #10

    Aug 15, 2010, 02:41 PM

    Hi, my boyfriend and I recently broke up and although I have never became or tried to be friends with an ex before him because I love him and I have feelings for him I am trying. Talking and being friends is really hard. We never stopped talking. I would suggest maybe a casual text to say hi how have you been? Or something.
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,794, Reputation: 2604
    Dating & Teen Expert
    		  
    #11

    Aug 15, 2010, 03:07 PM

    He broke up with you. Don't contact him. If he wants to talk to you he will contact you. Don't chase him.
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