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Makaylha · Feb 26, 2003, 02:30 PM

I haven't been with this guy long however, he was a virgin until he met me. He's 21 but has never had a girl friend and it kills me that I have to do this to him. We were acquantinces before this but I don't know if we'll be friends after this. The reason I want to leave him is because he smothers me. He reads my mail and argues with me about stupid things all the time. It really is a lot worse than it sounds. Any advice is helpful.

Prince · May 2, 2003, 06:31 PM

I adivse you to leave him. Because whatever his relation with you he should consoder you privacy. He doings shows that he is a bad person.
How have to search for the best.
Good luck

MissIndependent · May 2, 2003, 10:37 PM

I know exactly how you feel. I just think that maybe it's because he is insecure about himself and he is afraid of being hurt and does not want to lose you. Try to let him down easy and tell him that you wuld still like to keep a friendshipo. But you should do it now before he falls into love with you and gets his heart broken.

orb · May 4, 2003, 12:50 AM

This is how you do it...

First, tell him he lacks experience, and that his not trusting you (which he shows by reading you mail.. etc) is making you uncomfortable.

He obviously isn't confident in his own abilities and that he needs to learn from this and move on.

Whatever you do, don't act like its your fault your breaking it off, even though you are. He is acting shaddy and if I did that kind of stuff (and whatever else it is he is doing that you aren't sharing with us) then my girl would have kicked me out on my butt days ago. :-)

Good luck, and remember it ain't your fault he lead things to be sour.

Peace...

mahi_val · May 5, 2003, 09:23 AM

Well its never easy to break-up, in fact it depends on how much you are assossiated or inclined towards the other person with whom you are breaking-up. The more intimate was your relashions, the more difficult it is to break-up.

Whatever information you have provided, its not clearly coming out from it that how much close you both have been. Its not in number of days or months but how close you have been by your feelings.

If you are not so close, may be you can tell him on his face that you don't need him to be with you anymore. But if its been very close, then may be, instead of breaking-up, you can just reduce the level of intimacy between you and try to remain friends. Let it be very clear between you that you are just friends and nothing else. Let him not cross his limits. Being friends will make things easy for him also and will give you some time to re-think about him. May be in future, you would like to accept him with all his odds.

Its always better to have someone who loves you as your friend at least even if you don't love him. What do you say?

dwalex · May 5, 2003, 11:11 AM

My advice is to explain it to him exactly as you have explained it to us, then tell him that you value your friendship and want to remain friends but that you cannot be in a romantic relationship with someone who smothers you. I would recommend to him that he get some professional help with his insecurities but while you are breaking up with him may not be the best time to tell him this. Reaasure him that the time you had was special and that you are sure that he will find the right lady for him, then move on. It will be his decision whether to stay in touch with you as a friend, but you must do what is right for you.
Best wishes,
Dwalex

chaz1797 · May 14, 2003, 04:05 PM

Hi,

You know have you let him know that the things he does upset you, communication is the most important thing in a relationship because he might relize that he's losiing you because of his action... Talk to him and let him know the consequences, if it doesn't stop, then leave him, that is a form of abuse and no one needs to put up with it... Best of luck and God bless

Chaz :)

vassilio · Mar 26, 2007, 02:07 AM

Did you ask him whether he was a virgin because he was savng himself for someone special, or because he had no luck?

If he was saving himself for someone special, it means that special person was you.

Usually, when a woman is more sexually experienced than a man, there's already a lack of trust there. How is it a man managed to be more self controlled than a woman? So, the fact that you've shown off to him you are sexually experienced has resulted in this. This may not be HIS REAL temperament. He's not really like this day to day, but you have to gain his trust. You slept with him! Right?

Deal with the consequences of your actions. He's probably now in love with you, and he needs to build up trust with you.

If he really was saving himself for a special person, You are going to have a HUGE PROBLEM: because a man would be thinking this: How easy it was for you to have sex with him, it means you must have done that before. In fact you did do that before.

You have a greater problem in building trust with men , then men have a problem in giving you trust , and your independence.

To make it worse, if you spoke to him about your previous sexual experiences, that would really make him not trust you.

I totally believe in one thing: Your boyfriend may be insecure, but you drove him to that point.

Deal with your actions. If that's his only problem, then its in your hands to correct this image you've given him.

Geoffersonairplane · Mar 26, 2007, 03:28 AM

This guy may need time to trust but he certainly has trust issues and this boils down to insecurity. He should not be reading your mail and without trust, there can be no real relationship. Maybe try and talk it over with him and work it out but your sexual history should have no relavance to this relationship. Talking will help!! Don't run until you have tried that! He might be a nice guy with trust issues!! That can be resolved with help!

Arsenalroxmyworld · Mar 26, 2007, 05:21 AM

Originally Posted by Makaylha

I haven't been with this guy long however, he was a virgin until he met me. He's 21 but has never had a girl friend and it kills me that I have to do this to him. We were acquantinces before this but I don't know if we'll be friends after this. The reason I want to leave him is because he smothers me. He reads my mail and argues with me about stupid things all the time. It really is a lot worse than it sounds. Any advice is helpful.

I say you should just stop talking to them and then slowly start pushing away from them
And then just say LEAVE ME ALONE THIS Relationship IS OVER!! And he should stop after that! Or say the same thing but in a more calm manner!

Jiser · Mar 26, 2007, 09:15 AM

You sound like my ex! :]

Yeh so you will break his heart, but life is to short to be unhappy. Please do not be friends with him as it will hurt him. Maybe after 4-6 months you will be able to be friends but I doubt it. He will move and so will you to. But don't forget communication is key and maybe you can work this out if you talk through the problems you are having with him.

LBP · Mar 26, 2007, 11:06 AM

Have you eve considered perhaps address him with your issues and attempting to work your way through them? Is the real issue that he is completel unsatisfactory in bed and you would really like to find someone who can meet your needs? If this is the case, perhaps communication is (again) in order! If it's that he is truly selfish then you need to move on and that's all there is to it. If he has sabotaged your attraction for him, then there is truly nothing he can do and you're both wasting each other's time...

But, please... Be honest with him. All men have been at the point in their life where inexperience has caused them to screw things up with a top quality woman. And, often, we're told that we were just peaches and cream through the whole thing... The break up wasn't our fault. We discover, over time, that this is NOT the case. We made many mistakes... By telling him otherwise, you're only setting him up to do it again... And to dislike women INTENSELY in the process.

Treat him like a man... He may be encouraged to investigate the finer points of the subject and improve himself. Lie to him and he'll believe it... And stay down the road to ruin.