[lifeless118223]

To any complete stranger on the web who would kindly take their time, read all this, and help me out through a time where I just don't know what to do anymore.. I have people I can talk to, but I just don't want to talk to them. I just need someone to listen to me and give me advice, even if it's a complete stranger. If you are reading this, you probably have a good heart. I believe I am not a bad person at all. I am very kind, gentle, I care about others (maybe too much), people sometimes take advantage of my kindness... Recently, I've just been this angry person who I do not want to be and I think it's everything that has been going on in my life that has affected my happiness. Please, can someone talk to me. Thank you.

[KBC]

Hi lifeless,(I'll take out the numbers for a nickname sake:) )

What's going on?

[lifeless118223]

Everything.. I'm about to turn 17 on the 22nd and school is about to start. I have had my license for about 2/3 months, but I've had my car for a while now. I still get treated like a baby. I know I've done some crazy things in the past. It was just a phase any teenager can go through. I used to go off w/ my boyfriend or friends and not come home on time and I get accused of doing all kinds of stuff. Honestly, I don't do drugs, smoke, none of that. I can defend myself even though I'm a girl. I know that anything can happen, but I know I can prevent it. Blahhh! I'm sorry I don't know where to start, I'm just pouring everything out. I'm just sick of everything... Please tell me where to start.

[KBC]

You are doing just fine.

How much of this will be a problem in a week?

[Wondergirl]

Hi, life!(I like "life" better than "lifeless")

Happy birthday early! That's my mil's birthday -- she'll be 91.

Times haven't changed since I was your age. There's still a double standard for girls. Wonder why that's true. Guys seem to be able to get away with anything.

Do you have any brothers or sisters?

[lifeless118223]

I'm sorry I don't know what you are trying to say and thank you for listening to me.

[lifeless118223]

Thank you! Happy birthday to her too. And I don't know why I put lifeless, I just made it up, I guess it came out of the blue. Yes, I have have one younger sister. That is so true Idk where to begin on how I feel about that.

[Wondergirl]

Parents worry about their daughters a lot more than they seem to worry about their sons.

Will things improve once school starts? Will you drive to school, for instance?

[Kitkat22]

I'm sorry idk what you are trying to say and thank you for listening to me.

Come back and vent... we'll listen and try to help.

[Wondergirl]

Woo woo! Now you've got three of us listening!

[Kitkat22]

Being kind is an attribute and you always win more than you lose by being kind.

Who knows how many lives you have changed by a kind deed or a gesture.

People alwaays remember the way a person treats them. They remember the kind ones the most.

Seems to me you are a wonderful girl. Talk to your parents and tell them exactly how you feel. You may be surprised at the outcome.

[lifeless118223]

I'm glad I have people listening to me and I thank you for that. I really can't trust anyone, my family.. not even myself. Within my family, they talk about each other behind each others back all the time. We are a very close family my grandma had 11 kids 2 pasted away though. On top of that I have so many cousins. Speaking of cousins.. I was very close to one of my cousins.. let's call her shorty. She's really short. She's two years younger than me. I loved her to death. We were the best of friends. Now we act like we don't even know of each other's exsistance. (litterally) I knew her like the palm of my hand and she knew me like the back of her foot. We were that close. It all started 2 years ago when I began to notice that she was being really mean and she just gives me smart remarks. Like a smartass. She has her own issues, but I'm not going to go there. It was like last year in Sept. We went to the state fair, we had a blast. My boyfriend was there too. I don't blame him, but I think the reason why she hates me is because of him. I love both of them. Ugh Long story I just want to write a book about it. I met him when I was in 8th grade. He is a year older than me so he's 18 right now. I didn't go out with him until my freshman year. I fell in love with him. We're still together, but right now I'm so confused about him. I do want to be with him, but I want to take a break to see if I could last w/o him. It's like that saying "you don't know what you have until it's gone." I tried that 2 times, but I always end up calling him or trying to contact him or see him. It's just really confusing. My life is messed up. I know what I want, but then I don't know how I want it. I don't even know what I'm saying I'm just so stupid. My parents. I don't know I'm not sure if they like him he's a good guy really. He graduated as a distinguished scholar he makes straight A's, he dresses nice, he's just so sweet. But once my mom caught us kissing, not making out.. just kissing and she thought of him differently. That was like 2/3 years ago and until this day I don't know what she thinks of him.. I can care less about what my dad thnks because if it's OK w/ my mom, it's OK with him. He can say all he wants, but if she's right.. he's going to listen. Oh let me add that I used to be the biggest liar. I lied about everything, that's the little phase I went through along w/ the coming home late part. I'm leaving stuff out, but I think of them as I go.

Yes, I will be driving to school. I started to realize how I feel today. I just I don't know what to do. I know that everything has affected the way I feel and how I am.

Sorry for the late posts.

[Wondergirl]

Your boyfriend sounds like a mother's dream for a daughter. Will he go to college? Away or local? Or will he be a Junior?

[Kitkat22]

Take a break from the boyfriend and spend some time finding what you want. Be honest with your parents, be kind and more than anything else be true to yourself

We all lie sometimes when we're teenagers. But one lie makes people lose trust. Maybe your parents are the way they are because of this.

Gain back the trust. How old is the guy you're dating? What grade of High School are you in?

[lifeless118223]

Thank you it makes me feel warm about myself that I know I am doing at least something right. My parent's are from another country. They don't know how I feel. They think they do, I know they try, but they just don't I was born and raised in TN and loving that, but I'm also proud of my heritage and culture. My parents are very protective of me and I'm very grateful of that also. Some people don't have parents like I do, but right now it's kind of the time to get over the fact that I'm not a baby. Speaking of babies. I'm not like those girls they see. They think I'm going to get pregnant or something blah blah.. ugh... any who, my little sister is a sweet girl, but she tends to annoy me. I feel so bad now that I realize that everything that makes me mad or if I am angry at the moment I will find a way to make her cry. She's only 9 by the way. I know it's childish of me to even mess with her, but I can't help it. I think I may be jealous of her or something I don't even know. I used to write poetry and I had a journal, but I lost my passion for that. Today I picked up a journal/diary looking thing and I opened it and wrote away. As I put words down onto that journal I start to cry because everything comes to my head like a slide show. Words, pictures running though my mind. Maybe it would help if I typed it on here. That's kind of why I googled and I found this website. I am a very emotional and caring person. I love to talk to people and help them. I seem to do things when people aren't looking, the good things. I wish sometimes they would notice now. I am the type of person that would perform random acts of kindness. Idk that's just how I am. I love to see people happy and smiling. It makes me so happy to see my mom talking to me like moms are supposed to, but that's rarely. She cares about me so much, I wrote a letter to her 2 Christmas' ago (that's what got me a cellphone, everyone had one accept me) and I cried while reading it to her. Saying sorry for all the pain I've caused her. I love her so much too. I can't show her enough. And it hurts me so bad that in school I bust my to get the grades I have I get A's and B's, but I strive for A's. I volunteer my time at places I can volunteer at. I am in National Honors Society at my school, that is the highest honor I can get. There are only 40 of us right now and I am one of them. I try to make them proud. No matter what I do. I don't hear them say that they are proud of me. I know they may show it in diff ways, but I want to hear it verbally.

[Kitkat22]

National Honor Society.. that's great! You're doing right about putting your feelings into your journal. Kidness is the greatest gift you could ever give a person.

[martinizing2]

Four.

I at your age , did major stupid things just to have fun.

Then when I wanted to change I found that "You get to live with the reputation you built"

I also found that it can be built in a night and not torn down for years.

Here is a good place to start to feel better.
You are 17. You are entering one of the most fun, interesting, and educational (as to what life as an adult is) periods you can have.

Don't let your parents love and concern that you don't do more teenage dumb things and kill yourself.
Oh it is known by the teens as "being treated like a baby"

To adults as "love and concern"... I OD'd my kids on it too.

Behave responsibly , especially when in view, and it will change.

[martinizing2]

Woo woo! Now you've got three of us listening!

This is where I came in... I missed a lot! I need to catch up and hope I didn't make a fool out of myself.


Well. You really can't do much more right.

I know a mass of parents that would be ecstatic to have a child like you.

Your parents may not show it but I know they are proud of you.
How could anyone not be?

It is the kids like you that give me hope for the future.

It is a pleasure to meet you.

[Kitkat22]

Four.

I at your age , did major stupid things just to have fun.

Then when I wanted to change I found that "You get to live with the reputation you built"

I also found that it can be built in a night and not torn down for years.

Here is a good place to start to feel better.
You are 17. You are entering one of the most fun, interesting, and educational (as to what life as an adult is) periods you can have.

Don't let your parents love and concern that you don't do more teenage dumb things and kill your self.
Oh it is known by the teens as "being treated like a baby"

To adults as "love and concern"...I OD'd my kids on it too.

Behave responsibly , especially when in view, and it will change.

You're right MartyZ... we love our kids and they think we are too protective. I think this young lady is a good girl who like all of us made mistakes. OP you keep posting we want to help. Good advice Marty.

[lifeless118223]

He's going to stay in TN and go to Lipscomb University. He's going to be a freshman. && I am going to be a senior in high school. Speaking of Lipscomb... Ok let me just start where I left off from why I feel the way I feel and why I am posting my thoughts. (I'm glad I am though) Today, I woke up got dressed and headed downstairs. I told my father that I was going to krogers to get some brocoli and stuff( which I was) Then as I was going there I was like hey the mall is right there (I needed to get my nails done) So I went there first and got my nails done, but I didn't tell my dad. I made a mistake by not calling him and telling him, but w/e.. He called while I was getting them done and I couldn't pick up. My boyfriend was there too. I called him and told him there were some guys trying to hit on me and I was by myself so I didn't feel safe. He came and sat there with me until I was done, then we went to krogers and I went home, he went home to his house. My boyfriend and I also have trust issues. (This is the other part where I feel like I have to separate from him for a while. I'll get to that later.) When I got home I told my dad what happen and then my mom called yelling at me and telling me he's going to take my keys away. She called me stupid because I didn't tell him, but I didn't know I was going to be at the mall at all. I got my nails done because I'm going to California this week to take my senior pics w/ my uncle. They are making a big deal. My uncle gets off Sundays and Mondays, but I want to go on Friday they said it's busy on Friday so I have to go on Thurs and come back Sat. But I don't know right now about that. Anway when I got home my dad starts talkibg about that telling me I shouldn't go but His friend went through so much trouble sending the plane tickets to me for free (he works w/ the airlines in LAX) We argued, but it didn't last he just said you can go, but it's going to be hard for you because your uncle works.. *Sigh* When my mom comes home I hear her on the phone with someone probably one of my aunts.. She was talking crap about me. I knew it. It's really none of their business, but who am I to say right? Then she calls me down sayinng why would you do that and stuff. I was like I didn't knnow! She said why didn't you tell him when you were on the way I said I don't drive and talk on the phone. She was like so! You didn't call him when you were in the mall. At that point it was useless to explain to her. Everything I say, she says I'm talking back. Ok I know I feel guilty behing w/ my boyfriend, but WE WEREN'T DOING ANYTHING! I know I changed so much since back then I used to go out and do things w/ him behind their back. I know better not to get pregnant. I didn't tell her I was w/ him because that would ruin everything, but since we didn't do anything bad, I didn't have a reason to tell her. I don't think I should tell them every single detail of my life... I'm going to add this in that this one time, It was during the crazy phase I was going through, my uncle snitched on me and told my parents my boyfriend and I had pics of us kissing (I know bad move) Other people have it too, but I know I shouldn't be a follower. I just thought it was cute. I got in trouble for that. I used to cut myself too the first time was when my cousin "shorty" and I got in a hugee argument we didn't speak for a month, I was the first one to talk to her and we became friends again this was when I was in middle school. The second time was when I first got in trouble w/ my boyfriend and my mom found out the third time was when those pics got me in trouble. They are faded, but I can still see them a little, but it's not noticeable. Anyway.. back to the pics well I stayed in my closet and my uncle the one that now lives in Cali was staying at my house, he was going to move to Fl. And one of his good friends had a special gift from God. He can tell the future (no lie) Like he is an awesome dude. And he told me(it was later on when he told me) that he feels that there is something wrong with me and he wasn't in the house yet. They were somewhere else, but when they came home It was 3 in the morn I was locked in my closet crying my eyes out. My uncle knocked on my door I said leave me alone and he said are you OK. And his friend said she's not going to open it. I left for GA with my cousin and her fam that day to visit someone( that was my free escape)

I'm sorry I'm all over the place about things It's just coming out of my mind.

Idk what's wrong w/ me am I going crazy!