[MIROBIN1]

My brother died 3 years ago and he had his 2 sons( now 8 & 10 ) living with him, the boys mum had no interest in taking the boys back and social services in hull where involved but the boys where not on the at risk register. They went to live with my brother and his wife and they got a residence order so their mum could not just turn up and take the boys without any notice. After 18 months they could no longer cope and asked if me and my wife could take them in. We know have the boys live with us but get no financial support except child benefit ( family allowance ). We have tried to get financial and social services support but keep getting let down by them. We both work full time and the boys are getting excluded on reqular basis from school and we find this very difficult and get no support during this time. We are getting to the point that we feel they may be better in the care system so social services after get involved and give them the support they need. The boys main concerns is why doesn't their mum want them. We don't have any children of our own and it is been very difficult.

[this8384]

My brother died 3 years ago and he had his 2 sons( now 8 & 10 ) living with him, the boys mum had no interest in taking the boys back and social services in hull where involved but the boys where not on the at risk register. They went to live with my brother and his wife and they got a residence order so their mum could not just turn up and take the boys without any notice. After 18 months they could no longer cope and asked if me and my wife could take them in. We know have the boys live with us but get no financial support except child benefit ( family allowance ). We have tried to get financial and social services support but keep getting let down by them. We both work full time and the boys are getting excluded on reqular basis from school and we find this very difficult and get no support during this time. We are getting to the point that we feel they may be better in the care system so social services after get involved and give them the support they need. The boys main concerns is why doesn't their mum want them. We don't have any children of our own and it is been very difficult.

I'm not sure what you're asking for advice on. Are you trying to adopt the children? Do you want to start receiving child support for them? Do you want to place them in foster care?

Was anything ever drafted regarding placement of the children in the event of the parent(s) death? Is there a court order in place? Where is the mother now? Do you have legal guardianship of the children or have they simply been living with you for the past few years?

[cdad]

What country is this happening in ?

[Fr_Chuck]

Seems that beyond their mom, why their other family are having troubles caring for them.

And kids can not ( and should not) be passed around like day old bread.

Legal action should be taken to make or give the children a permement home in with one of the family that wants them.

[MIROBIN1]

I'm not sure what you're asking for advice on. Are you trying to adopt the children? Do you want to start receiving child support for them? Do you want to place them in foster care?

Was anything ever drafted regarding placement of the children in the event of the parent(s) death? Is there a court order in place? Where is the mother now? Do you have legal guardianship of the children or have they simply been living with you for the past few years?

We are not looking to adopt them, We receive the child beneifit ( familiy allowance), No we don't want to place the boys in foster care.

My brother set up and signed a will two days before his death stating his wishes that they boys where to stay with by other brother and that if for any reason they where unable to then he would like us to be guardians.

There mother moved to Blackpool in the last month we live in Hull approx 100 miles away. We have a residence order and they will have been living with us for 2 years in October.

We just want to get some help with explaining to the boys why there mum doesn't want anything to do with them and to try and convince the boys that this is the last place they will before they are 18.

Our house is the 7 household they have lived in.

[MIROBIN1]

What country is this happening in ?

UK in Hull , East Yorkshire

[MIROBIN1]

Seems that beyond their mom, why their other family are having troubles caring for them.

And kids can not ( and should not) be passed around like day old bread.

Legal action should be taken to make or give the children a permement home in with one of the family that wants them.

When we found that my brother was terminal ill and was given around a year to live, our side of the family sat down and discussed what we felt was best for the boys. It was felt that because my other brother lived within 1 mile of him, that only he worked ( his wife didn't )and that they where looking to start a family in the near future and that the boys could stay in the same school while me and my wife both worked between 40 - 60 hours each and live 25 miles away then it would be best for them to stay with my other brother and his wife.

During the first month we approached the local council to try and get their dad into a bungalow so he didn't have to get up and down stairs and so the boys could not run away from him if they had been in trouble and to try and get my other brother from there privately rented 1 bed bungalow to a 2 bed house so they could start having the boys on night to start a slow transision of daily care over the next few months.

But before this could be put in place my brother died 3 months after we had been told he was terminally ill. Which lead to the boys leaving with my other brother (33 ) and is wife (21) with them only every having them stay over for 1 night before his death.

They received very little help from Social Services, we where told by Social Services that at any point their mum could knock on the door and ask to take the boys away from them, because she was the only one with parental responsibility even though Social Services didn't want her to have unsupervised access to the boys because of child protection issues with her other 3 children. So we paid for a residence order for my brother so she couldn't just turn up and take the boys.

My brother and his wife where struggling with the behaviour of the eldest, he would lie, swear and hit and she struggled with this at school, in public and at home and she would feel very isolated that she was caring for the boys by herself after school and during holidays when everyone else was working and the oldest like many children knows how to find your soft spot and exploit it with you and to try and divide your resolve.

On two occasions they took the eldest to sit outside a local children's home and told him this is where naughty boys are brought to live if they no not behave and once when by brother return home from work his wife said either the eldest went or she did and then left for an hour. So my brother took the eldest to the local police station and told them he could no longer care for the boys and left him. He then went hope and his wife was back, said why have you done that and then they went and picked him back up. Social services response was to go around to see them two weeks later and tell them that if they did it again they would get them charged with abandonment and didn't provide any assistance.

Their view throughout is because we didn't say to Social Services what are they going to do with the care for the boys since their Dad had died and their mother was not allowed unsupervised access although not written in law and we has a family it would be better for them to live with someone on our side because we all where working and that no one on their mum's side worked or is really willing to look for work and that this was probably not best for the boys then the boys are not in the looked after system and it is a family issue and they have no involvement any more.

I totally agree the boys should not be passed from pillar to post and should be with someone that wants to keep them.

We want to do that had have struggled for the last two years to convince the boys that they will live with us until they want leave home.

We asked for help from Social Services in East Riding once the boys came to live with us because after the first 2 weeks the boys became very violent towards us and in mainly towards my wife. We didn't have anyone visit us for over a year and then last December we finally got a Social worker to visit us. We had a few meetings and we where going through a very bad patch of violent behaviour from the youngest towards my wife.

There only response to us was " what do you want us to do take him or both of them into care" our response was no just provide us with some professional assistance to help them understand they we want them to live with us and to explain to them the situation with their mum. We have never bad mouthed their mum them or to others in front of them. We have tried to explain to the boys that because their mum didn't ask for help or do things that she should have done to keep them safe, clean and feed then other people had to say that their mum was unable to care for them.

We have a residence order for the boys and we do want to have them live with us.

We have told the boys no matter what their behaviour, what they do or say they will always live with us and that worst punishment will be that they will have to stay in their room and have their toys removed for a period.

[this8384]

When we found that my brother was terminal ill and was given around a year to live, our side of the family sat down and discussed what we felt was best for the boys. It was felt that because my other brother lived within 1 mile of him, that only he worked ( his wife didn't )and that they where looking to start a family in the near future and that the boys could stay in the same school while me and my wife both worked between 40 - 60 hours each and live 25 miles away then it would be best for them to stay with my other brother and his wife.

During the first month we approached the local council to try and get their dad into a bungalow so he didn't have to get up and down stairs and so the boys could not run away from him if they had been in trouble and to try and get my other brother from there privately rented 1 bed bungalow to a 2 bed house so they could start having the boys on night to start a slow transision of daily care over the next few months.

But before this could be put in place my brother died 3 months after we had been told he was terminally ill. Which lead to the boys leaving with my other brother (33 ) and is wife (21) with them only every having them stay over for 1 night before his death.

They received very little help from Social Services, we where told by Social Services that at any point their mum could knock on the door and ask to take the boys away from them, because she was the only one with parental responsability even though Social Services didn't want her to have unsupervised access to the boys because of child protection issues with her other 3 children. So we paid for a residence order for my brother so she couldn't just turn up and take the boys.

My brother and his wife where struggling with the behaviour of the eldest, he would lie, swear and hit and she struggled with this at school, in public and at home and she would feel very isolated that she was caring for the boys by herself after school and during holidays when everyone else was working and the oldest like many children knows how to find your soft spot and exploit it with you and to try and divide your resolve.

On two occasions they took the eldest to sit outside a local children's home and told him this is where naughty boys are brought to live if they no not behave and once when by brother return home from work his wife said either the eldest went or she did and then left for an hour. So my brother took the eldest to the local police station and told them he could no longer care for the boys and left him. He then went hope and his wife was back, said why have you done that and then they went and picked him back up. Social services response was to go around to see them two weeks later and tell them that if they did it again they would get them charged with abandonment and didn't provide any assistance.

Their view throughout is because we didn't say to Social Services what are they going to do with the care for the boys since their Dad had died and their mother was not allowed unsupervised access although not written in law and we has a family it would be better for them to live with someone on our side because we all where working and that no one on their mum's side worked or is really willing to look for work and that this was probably not best for the boys then the boys are not in the looked after system and it is a family issue and they have no involvement any more.

I totally agree the boys should not be passed from pillar to post and should be with someone that wants to keep them.

We want to do that had have struggled for the last two years to convince the boys that they will live with us until they want leave home.

We asked for help from Social Services in East Riding once the boys came to live with us because after the first 2 weeks the boys became very violent towards us and in mainly towards my wife. We didn't have anyone visit us for over a year and then last December we finally got a Social worker to visit us. We had a few meetings and we where going through a very bad patch of violent behaviour from the youngest towards my wife.

There only response to us was " what do you want us to do take him or both of them into care" our response was no just provide us with some professional assistance to help them understand they we want them to live with us and to explain to them the situation with their mum. We have never bad mouthed their mum them or to others infront of them. We have tried to explain to the boys that because their mum didn't ask for help or do things that she should have done to keep them safe, clean and feed then other people had to say that their mum was unable to care for them.

We have a residence order for the boys and we do want to have them live with us.

We have told the boys no matter what their behaviour, what they do or say they will always live with us and that worst punishment will be that they will have to stay in their room and have their toys removed for a period of time.

I've asked that your thread be moved to a more appropriate forum. This is more of a "relationship" question, not Family Law. Family Law is for people who are looking for advice on divorce, custody issues, child support, etc.

I would say the best thing to do would be to sit down with them and have an open and honest discussion. If they ask why they live with you instead of their mother, explain that their mom wants what is best for them and she is unable to provide them with that right now - as hard as it might be, try your best not to bad-mouth their mother.

Have they dealt with the grief of losing their father? Have you considered taking them to see a therapist?