[bostongirl26]

I know, I know it almost seems cliche to be writing about this but I guess whenever I heard other people talk about it, I never actually pictured myself in this situation. I'm only 17 and my boyfriend is 18 and I get that people say that teenagers don't know what love is or can't be in love but I honestly feel that I love him. I met my boyfriend going into my freshman year of high school. At the time, he was going into his sophomore year. We met through friends and over the past 3 years I've gotten to know him so well. We've watched each other struggle through relationships or "love troubles" but no matter what, he was always there for me, and I was always there for him. He was my best friend. This past winter we started spending a lot more time together and eventually started dating. It was a little awkward at first just because we weren't sure how to be more than friends but now, nearly 9 months later, I'm more comfortable with him than I have ever been with anyone.

I'm nervous. My boyfriend is going away to college in a little more than a month and I don't know what to do. He's going to be 4 hours away, in New York, and although I'm getting my license soon, seeing him is going to be rare because of my large commitment to school and the soccer team, and his with college. The first time I will have a chance to see him is in October but that very same weekend is the biggest soccer game my team will have. I want to see him more than anything but I don't know if I can miss the game. After that, the next time I'll be able to see him will be November, more than 2 months after he leaves.

My boyfriend's a sweetheart. He's a great kid, doesn't smoke or drink but could the pressures of college get to him? I trust him with everything I have but what worries me most is that when we had a talk about him going away he said to me "I don't know if I trust myself." He went on to explain how he's going to miss me so much and he admits he's going to go to parties (which I'm completely fine with, I want him to enjoy himself) but he said the reason he doesn't trust himself is that if one night, where he misses me so much, he makes a mistake. I'm his first serious relationship and I know he loves and cares about me but can this work? When it comes down to it, I want him to be happy (of course) but if something is to happen, I don't know if I can deal with knowing that there's some other girl. He says he wants to be with me and he says he already has everything he needs as is and all he wants in college is to relax, make some friends and get his degree. I'm worried though because if we break up, I not only lose my boyfriend but I lose the best friend I've ever had.

[talaniman]

Growing up and leaving high school for college and the adult world often involves handling and coping with many hard emotional situations. We grow apart from some friends as we make new ones and live our lives. I don't know what the future holds for the two of you but for sure you will be severely challenged by the choices you make.

Read these two sites as they explain how to deal with a long distance relationship, but how you both handle whatever life throws at you will define if this will last, or if you even remain friends.

Good Luck!

Surviving a Long-Distance Relationship

Handle This: Seven Ways To Survive A Long Distance Relationship | The Frisky

[Jake2008]

It is great that you established such a strong friendship with him first. It's also good that you two can talk so well about everything, and that you can both put your concerns out and discuss them.

He's being honest when he says he doesn't know if he can trust himself 100%, and I'd say that any relationship that goes into a long distance one would result in the same answer for most people. Particularly in college, and particularly at the age he is at.

He has commitments, and you have committments- that's what life is all about. Having your own independence is a good thing, although unfortunately, there is no prediction that the relationship will work out in the long run over such a distance, for such a long time.

There is no prediction either that it would work out if he lived next door too.

To worry about what could happen is setting the stage for one of two things. Preparing for the possibility that he could very well end up in another relationship, or a one night stand, or simply that the physical distance will turn into emotional distance as well. It could also mean that your thinking is quite mature for your age, and you aren't kidding yourself over long term prospects, and realize too, that this could be a painful (but necessary) experience, should it end.

It isn't impossible to survive this type of relationship, but I don't personally think that, under the circumstances, that it will go the whole nine yards. A very big plus for both of you is that you have had a friendship far longer than you have been boyfriend/girlfriend. If you continue to be honest with each other, it may just end up that the relationship will change. It doesn't necessarily mean that any future relationship (whatever that turns out to be), isn't possible.

Keep an open mind, and don't worry about what could be. You have no control over that whatsoever.

Instead, continue to be smart and realistic about your relationship, and prepare if necessary, to make changes to keep the friendship going, even if the romance doesn't evolve. It doesn't have to be all or nothing.

[sadnlostedddd]

I went through what you are about to through now about two years ago. One thing you'll notice is that people change a lot when they go to college. Sometimes for the good, sometimes for the bad. It's a part of growing up. I remember sitting where you're at now, telling myself that nothing would break me and my then-gf apart. She was so faithful, I was so in love, we were meant to be.

However people change, and though you guys may still love each other the same, you'll probably start to grow apart, and start to lead different lives. I'm not saying don't go for it, but be very careful, and recognize the writing on the wall if and when it comes.

If you want my honest-to-God opinion, on what you should do, I'd break up for now. You can read my story if you'd like and see how much time changes people. What this is going to do for him, is let him gauge his feelings for you against the temptations of college. If he's there and he realizes he only wants you, then you've cleared the first hurdle.

It will also do something for you, it will give you time to think about if this is what you really want. Trust me, TRUST ME, you're feelings and beliefs now WILL CHANGE. So will your boyfriends, it's just a matter of whether they'll change together or if they'll go in opposite directions.

I think it's good that you are thinking about it now instead of assuming everything will be all right. I did the latter, and man did I get a serious wake up call after my first year in college.

Just be objective, think about yourself, what's best for you, and also what's best for him.

Best of luck

[slapshot_oi]

My boyfriend's a sweetheart. He's a great kid, doesn't smoke or drink but could the pressures of college get to him? . . .

Yes, and this usually does happen.

I don't think anyone can say it better than sadnlostedddd, read his post.

[positiveparent]

I think you've been given excellent advice already in this thread, so all I will say to you is be aware of the fact that when you and he next meet up he will be different so will you, you'll both be terribly hurt when he first leaves then after a few weeks you'll get used to him being gone, and you'll both realise that life goes on, after 4 years you'll both be nothing at all like you are now, you'll be more mature more worldly wise, and you will seem like strangers. In many ways you will be.

I noticed you only mentioned that your b/f may have temptations, however you too may also have them, its not all one sided, and it could be the end for you both not so much because of infidelity but because you'll grow apart, become different people have different wants and desires.
On the other hand it could be that all your worries are totally unfounded, No one knows what will happen tomorrow let alone 4 years from now, so live each day as it comes and live your life to the max for you, and allow your b/f the right to do the same, you seem very sensible and aware, so that will help you.

Good Luck and don't worry about tomorrow it may never come so live for the now.