[rain38]

My ex boyfriend and I dated for three years, but for the last two years we had a long distance relationship because we were both in grad school. When I graduated, he wanted me to come and live with him, but I was uncomfortable both with the place I would be moving to and with the idea of moving right in with him, especially considering the time we spent apart. I felt like we needed to take some time to get to know each other again in person before jumping into a live-in relationship. He refused to this compromise, we fought a lot, I began to have doubts about our relationship , and I decided to take a job in the same city where my family lived, about eight hours from him. Our relationship gradually declined, we broke up, and I began seeing someone else, but we still talk on a regular basis and I consider him my best friend. I connect with him on a level that is much deeper than with anyone else I know and the dispute over our living arrangements is the only serious fight we have ever had. Lately, he has been talking about trying to move back to the city where I live, which is also where his family is, but he is hesitant to do that unless I'm ready to fully commit to our relationship and get married, which I'm hesitant about because of our past problems. The man I'm dating now is kind, committed, and seems to see a future with me, but I feel like something is lacking. I'm not sure if I should get back together with my ex and commit to making the relationship work despite the obstacles, or let it go and try to build a relationship with someone else.

[talaniman]

You seem to have a very level head, so I will just tell you that at this time in your life, have faith in your instincts, and keep moving forward, not back.

There is no hurry to commit to a lifetime until you are ready, and comfortable, with the choice you make.

[DoulaLC]

Agree wholeheartedly with talaniman... don't rush it, take your time.

If he moves back, spend time getting to know each other again in person. See what your relationship is like after several months. If he truly cares about you, and respects you, he shouldn't be trying to rush you. That sends up a red flag, so tread carefully.

Since you aren't in a committed relationship with him, don't burn your bridges with your current guy.

[rain38]

Thanks for your replies! I think spending time together would be a good idea if he moves back, but his desire to move back is dependent on whether we will be together, and if we do decide to be together, he still wouldn't be able to move for another one to two years because of his contract at work. What he would like if we decide to get back together is a long distance marriage, which after a couple years apart feels like a huge leap of faith...

[talaniman]

Takes a lot of thought then doesn't it? Two years is a long time.

[ISneezeFunny]

I feel that it's a bit unfair that he's pushing you to make this decision, which will result in him making his decision. I feel that perhaps he should make his own decisions, based on how good the job is, how he'll benefit from it for himself, not for someone else.