[amanda6913]

My husband and I have been married for 2 years now. We split for a short time and in that time he got a girlfriend pregnant and after them breaking up and us deciding to get get back together, he found out that she was pregnant. During her pregancy he moved to ND with me because I am stationed here in the military. He still talks to her and helps her financially. She has told him that she feels that she has been abandoned by him. But that is not the case because she is still in TX. While being here he has learned from mutual friends that she has tested positive for drugs while pregnant and has been seen in bars drinking heavily while pregnant. My husband and I want to get custody of the baby. The mother-to-be has made several comments about wanting to "go back on drugs" once the baby is born. We are not sure what to do or how to go about it. Does anyone have any advice.

[bleusong52]

My first question is, does your husband definitely know this child is his? If he is, then your next step is to get legal counsel about how to go about obtaining legal custody of his child.

[amanda6913]

No DNA has been done yet. But we have sough legal advice but we have no idea how to prove her unfit

[cdad]

Has a child been born yet? Do you have any proof of what is really going on? Others saying things is not proof enough for a court. Are you keeping all communications?

[bleusong52]

I would start with the DNA testing. If you show up in court trying to prove a mother's unfitness, the court will ask about the paternity.

So my second question, what makes you (and your husband) believe the child's mother is unfit?

The specific elements of parental fitness are a matter of state law, but they often include such factors as:
◦A history of domestic violence;
◦Excessive discipline or emotional abuse of the child;
◦A history of drug or alcohol abuse; or
◦A previous conviction for a sexual offense.

Have either you or your husband contacted the Social Services where this woman lives and expressed your concerns? A complaint made to Social Services about the possible unfitness of this woman woud lead to an investigation by Child Protective Services.

Do you have witnesses to this woman's unfitness? I mean actual documentation from people, not just a "he said/she said" thing. Or people who will come forward and be willing to give statements concerning events, dates, etc.

[JudyKayTee]

Your husband will have to go to Court AFTER the child is born (I am not aware of any State which will force paternity testing prior to the birth, although such testing is possible - and dangerous) and request DNA testing. Take PROOF of his allegations and ask for custody. If you want to begin preparing a case get SIGNED/NOTARIZED Affidavits of what "she" is saying, hire an independent Investigator to obtain PROOF.

Unless the mother's behavior is a danger to the child she will retain custody so you need proof of what you say.

(When I say "you" I actually mean your husband - you have no voice in this.)

[ScottGem]

I'm going to disagree with everyone here. It is unclear whether the child has been born or not. If the child hasn't been born then your husband has no legal rights here.

If you can produce concrete evidence that the mother has been doing drugs and drinking while pregnant, you can report this to the local family services agency. I'm not sure what they can do about it, however. Until the child is born its not an entity that has legal rights. But I think that is your ONLY option here. When you make the report you can advise them that your husband has been told he is the father and that he wants to have custody.

What may happen here is the agency will investigate and if they find evidence they may take custody of the child once its born. At that point they will have a paternity test done and make the decision to turn the child over to your husband.

Other than that, you wait for the child to be born and file a petition for custody. The court will order a paternity test and then you will have the opportunity to show that the mother may be unfit. You will need concrete evidence of drug use and disregard for the baby's health by drinking etc.

[JudyKayTee]

In my area Protective Services will not intervene until the child is born - I've done these investigations prior to the birth and sometimes I'm saddened and sickened by the results BUT CPS will not step in.

[ScottGem]

In my area Protective Services will not intervene until the child is born - I've done these investigations prior to the birth and sometimes I'm saddened and sickened by the results BUT CPS will not step in.

Like I said, I don't know if they will, but I see that as the ONLY thing to try at least until the child is born.

[JudyKayTee]

- And I think it's worth trying.

I believe if the mother drinks until she is intoxicated AND she is arrested, then the Courts can order her into "rehab," which very well could save the unborn child.