[mc669756]

My roommate let these two girls stay over in our house after a 21st birthday celebration at the bars. When they came back from the bars they were clearly drunk, but then again I was a little also. Instantly me and (this is the name I've come to call her) b clicked.. we played beer pong in our basement and flirted. She made me swear that whenever she came over that I was going to be her beer pong partner. (I don't remember much else that went on in the basement) We came back upstairs and the girls started to play with my bunny and laugh and joke. At one point this was muttered "dont punch the bunny its innocent... PUNCH A BABY!!!" The joking and flirting continued until be and her friend decided it was time to calm down and go to bed.
Her friend made it into my roommates room and laid down on his bed, but wasn't going to sleep just yet. She wanted a few things.. like something to eat and a glass of water.. which roommate got for her. At this point B and I are sitting on the couch. I have my arm around her and she is holding my hand. Then she lays down and puts her head in my lap. And starts to drift off until her friend calls for her in the other room. She goes into the room and sits on my roommates futon and starts to talk with her friend about the night. I came and stood in the doorway listening to this happen.
At one point, B looked at me and stuck her hand in the air as if to say 'sit with me' so I did. Sitting went to cuddling then went to laying.. then went to sleeping. We cuddled the whole night and the next morning for a little. They left and she gave me a hug goodbye.

Three days pass and I get a friend request on Facebook. It's B. smile goes on my face.. instantly glad to see her. We Facebook chatted and talked for a while. Then she said she had to go to work and she gave me her number and said text me. So I did.

We texted everyday for the next week when I found out the bad news... she never told me this or even hinted towards nor was it on Facebook. She has a boyfriend since April and this was June so 2 months or so.

This doesn't discourage me. 2 months is not that long. I kept talking with her then I began to realize hope was lost and started talking every other day... then less then less..
We didn't talk for about a week except for the occasional wasuuuuup.

She texts me one day and says hey what's up and I say nothing hbu.. and she says me and my boyfriend are on a break and I'm a mess. I start the trying to make her feel better. She said he didn't have a reason he just said I need a break from us and leave me alone. So we talked and we both had work till 10 at night. (I left out the fact that she goes to college where I live and she lives and works at home... about an hour away) we talke through the whole night of work. I told her it was my goal to get her to smile by the end of the night.. I succeeded.
We both get off work and she said she was going to drive because she loves it and it would relieve stress. So I told her to come here thinking she would be like ew no that's too far. Quite the opposite she said OK ill be there in an hour. She got here and we hugged I walked her from her car to my house. We talked at first about video games and chilling and eating. Then we started doing those things, but then of course the boyfriend comes up. We talk for a while about him. I said sounds like there is someone else and she said he has cheated before but not on her. We talk for an hour about him. Then about my ex then about school then about life sucking.

She ended up spending the night but on the couch. I can't help thinking I've permanently cemented myself in the friend zone. Help me out.. where we going with this? Should I try to be with this girl or am I permanently in the friend zone? I really like her.. I don't know. Help me out.

[I wish]

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Unfortunately, she's in an extremely vulnerable state. Though you have become a good friend of hers and may appear to be stuck in the friend zone, you have also earned her trust.

The way I see it is, let it flow naturally. If you really care about her, then put her best interests as a priority. Right now, she's just looking for a friend, so be that person. If you can't handle being only her friend, then maybe you're better off distancing yourself from her.

If you brought up your feelings for her, it will only add to her confusion. You'll either end up being the "guy she cheats with," the "other guy" or the "rebound". None of which are fair to you.

If you really like her, then be there for her, but you'll have to be patient to see how this plays out. If she breaks up with her boyfriend and has some time to recover, then you can give it a shot later on.

But until she's broken up, you're still only the other guy, the one she would cheat with or the rebound.

[Jake2008]

A two month relationship IS significant. Your bunny was committed to another, lets call him a jackrabbit, and bunny and jackrabbit had a thing going on. While they were together two weeks, six months, two months, 25 years, is significant. They were a couple, and when she added you while she was committed to him, that made three. Three people do not work in a committed relationship.

That should have, and could have been a significant event for you, when you realized she kept this secret of her relationship with jackrabbit, a secret. That is not something somebody just forgets. Oops, thanks for the romp but, I just remembered I have a husband. Got to go, bye bye.

I can't help but hold my sarcasm here at the fact that even when you realized you were the odd guy out, you still continued to think of her as 'available', and she was not. You have no credibility with me, for being the 'other' man, after you knew you were.

Despite the fact that you carried on with bunny, and bunny carried on with jackrabbit, nothing good could ever come of it.

She was checking you out as a possible fallback guy, just in case jackrabbit hopped off into the pasture somewhere. Which he did. So, she contacts you again.

This time she is needy and needs the comfort of a man, instead of a girlfriend. She doesn't show a lot of remorse for jumping from one rabbit hole to another, and plays you like a fiddle. Who can resist a cute little bunny in distress after all.

A friendship, like any relationship, has boundaries. They are clearly defined by both parties so that a respectful balance seals the foundation of friendship.

Your motives are not friendship, her motives are questionable (she sounds like a user to me), and you are not on the same page as she is.

While you may think that she is relationship material, and see her with that possibility, she is still under the influence so to speak, of her recent breakup, and she is only sure of one thing. Maybe two. That she knows you like her as more than a friend, and she is using that to lure you into a false sense of security that a relationship could happen, is one possibility. She is also sure that she doesn't have to work through and resolve her leftover issues with jackrabbit, because you fit the bill. (my reference to using you above).

She is using you, to get over her boyfriend, and she needs to resolve that on her own, before considering another man in her life. And she has to not lead you on thinking something more is possible at this point. And I think she knows damn well that you are interested. She has to put on her big girl pants and be honest with you, and with herself.

Because you have allowed yourself in the 'friend zone' you are getting what you deserve. You have not stated clearly your interest, nor your intent, nor the fact that while you allow her to blubber all over you, you are thinking all the while that you really like her, and want to be more than friends. That is called deception, and not a great way to start any relationship.

I would advise one simple thing.

Sit down with her without any body parts touching, not even hand holding, and tell her you need to talk. Tell her you are uncomfortable with the fact that she needs you for moral support where others that have known her far longer would have fit that bill much better. Why you. Ask her if she's playing you, and where is it going.

Tell her that while you comforted her, you were thinking of her as more than a friend, and have strong romatic feelings toward her. She needs to know where you stand, just as much as you need to know where she stands.

When you put the honesty out there, you should feel relief that the backdoor stuff is on the table to be dealt with.

If she is using you and has no interest in you, you'll have your answer. If you are expecting more from her and she has no interest, she will also be enlightened, and both of you can adjust accordingly.

I would also not be so sure the boyfriend is out of the picture either.