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cydney.. · Jul 18, 2010, 05:25 PM

Oohay now I'm talking to any an everybody I need serious advice now I have a boy friend but he's too old and I'm tired of keeping us a secret but it's the only way and if I tell my mom she might send him to jail for statutory rape or something because we did do it.. but I don't want to leave him because I love him.. I need some ones opinion or advice!! NOW

ScottGem · Jul 18, 2010, 05:27 PM

How old are you and him? How long have you been together?

Our answer will depend on those facts.

Kitkat22 · Jul 18, 2010, 05:33 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

How old are you and him? How long have you been together?

Our answer will depend on those facts.

She's 15.. he's 19.

cydney.. · Jul 18, 2010, 05:33 PM

IM ONLY 15 AND HES ABOUT TO BE 20 ,We've been going out for about 2 months and he seems like my everything but I'm not sure of these outcome that's bound to come out of the dark soon!

Fr_Chuck · Jul 18, 2010, 05:42 PM

If you don't want him to go to jail, and you know he is to old, just stop seeing him

ScottGem · Jul 18, 2010, 05:42 PM

You need to get away from this guy NOW! A 19 year old who has sex with a 15 yr old after only 2 months is very likely a pedophile and almost definitely a predator.

You need to deal with self esteem issues if you think this guy really cares anything about you except getting in your pants.

cydney.. · Jul 18, 2010, 05:46 PM

Well thank you guys because I really needed help with my situation and I don't want any thing to happen to him but don't want to leave our relationship but I'm going to really have to now! Thank you :D

Kitkat22 · Jul 18, 2010, 05:49 PM

You are playing with fire little girl and he's already burnt you when he had sex with you.

It'll be even worse when someone tells about it and they will. You tell a friend, that friend tells another.
It's jail time for him and maybe a baby or std for you.

It may seem romantic, it isn't! It's against the law and you need to tell your parents! Pronto!

srawcliffe · Jul 19, 2010, 03:19 AM

Leaving aside the legal stuff (age of consent in your state is 17) it sounds like you're not at all happy about this relationship, and it also sounds like having to keep it quiet is getting really stressful. I'm guessing that if you were happy about this relationship you wouldn't have come here for advice ;-) So, hard though it is, splitting up is probably best for both of you.

But have to disagree with Kitkat22's idea about telling your parents, unless he raped you, I would definitely recommend telling your parents/rape support service/police/someone else who can help you get support.

ScottGem · Jul 19, 2010, 04:32 AM

Originally Posted by srawcliffe

But have to disagree with Kitkat22's idea about telling your parents, unless he raped you, I would definitely recommend telling your parents/rape support service/police/someone else who can help you get support.

Excuse me, but he DID rape her. As you pointed out, the age of consent is 17. This person was an adult when he had sex with her, that makes it rape. KitKat was right, she needs to tell her parents and the police so this predator doesn't prey on other innocents.

JudyKayTee · Jul 19, 2010, 04:45 AM

Originally Posted by srawcliffe

Leaving aside the legal stuff (age of consent in your state is 17) it sounds like you're not at all happy about this relationship, and it also sounds like having to keep it quiet is getting really stressful. I'm guessing that if you were happy about this relationship you wouldn't have come here for advice ;-) So, hard though it is, splitting up is probably best for both of you.

But have to disagree with Kitkat22's idea about telling your parents, unless he raped you, I would definitely recommend telling your parents/rape support service/police/someone else who can help you get support.

I have no idea where you are getting this totally inaccurate "legal" advice - so far you're wrong 2 out of 2 and I'm just starting to read.

This was a rape. Where do you see anything else?

And in the middle of this post about rape you put a smiley face?

srawcliffe · Jul 19, 2010, 05:31 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I have no idea where you are getting this totally inaccurate "legal" advice - so far you're wrong 2 out of 2 and I'm just starting to read.

This was a rape. Where do you see anything else?

And in the middle of this post about rape you put a smiley face?

Well... the legal bit is certainly accurate -- the age of consent in Louisiana is 17. And when I questioned whether rape had occurred I was not referring to what the law would say... that's absolutely clear -- the legal term is "felony carnal knowledge of a juvenile," which people often refer to as "statutory rape." In Louisiana, that offence has been committed if "A person who is nineteen years of age or older has sexual intercourse, with consent, with a person who is twelve years of age or older but less than seventeen years of age, when the victim is not the spouse of the offender." What I'm talking about is whether what has been happening genuinely was rape, i.e. someone being forced to have intercourse against their will. I certainly don't buy into the assumption that, in moral terms, intercourse between a 19-year-old and a 15-year-old is automatically rape by that definition, even if that's what the law assumes.

But any discussion about the legal niceties evaporates if the guy forced her to have intercourse; in that case he should be prosecuted for rape, no two ways about it.

And above all, it sounds like this person is not at all happy about the relationship, which makes ending it the right thing to do regardless of any legal questions.

JudyKayTee · Jul 19, 2010, 05:43 AM

Originally Posted by srawcliffe

Well ... the legal bit is certainly accurate -- the age of consent in Louisiana is 17. And when I questioned whether or not rape had occurred I was not referring to what the law would say ... that's absolutely clear -- the legal term is "felony carnal knowledge of a juvenile," which people often refer to as "statutory rape." In Louisiana, that offence has been committed if "A person who is nineteen years of age or older has sexual intercourse, with consent, with a person who is twelve years of age or older but less than seventeen years of age, when the victim is not the spouse of the offender." What I'm talking about is whether what has been happening genuinely was rape, i.e. someone being forced to have intercourse against their will. I certainly don't buy into the assumption that, in moral terms, intercourse between a 19-year-old and a 15-year-old is automatically rape by that definition, even if that's what the law assumes.

But any discussion about the legal niceties evaporates if the guy forced her to have intercourse; in that case he should be prosecuted for rape, no two ways about it.

And above all, it sounds like this person is not at all happy about the relationship, which makes ending it the right thing to do regardless of any legal questions.

Legal niceties have absolutely nothing to do with this - an underage person does not have the capacity to agree to sexual contact. Therefore, legal niceties (whatever that means) or not this WAS rape. He doesn't have to physically force her. She can say, "Okay," but that is not and never will be a consent because she is under age.

I realize that at 17 you were dating a 12 year old so I'm sure you come from a different place than the rest of us when you are giving advice.

And the smiley face in the middle of a thread about rape?

ScottGem · Jul 19, 2010, 05:44 AM

Do you understand WHY there are age of consent laws? The laws exist because underage children are often not capable of understanding the ramifications of their actions. That's why rape can exist without physical force. But then as someone who may have been guilty of statutory rape yourself, I can understand why you don't feel that way.

If this question was posted on a legal board, you would be way out of bounds with your response. As it was posted here, there is more latitude given for opinion. In my opinion the 19 yr old is clearly a predator and possibly a pedophile. He needs to be prevented from preying on other children. So the OP SHOULD be telling her parents and/or the authorities about this rape.

JudyKayTee · Jul 19, 2010, 05:47 AM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

Do you understand WHY there are age of consent laws? The laws exist because underage children are often not capable of understanding the ramifications of their actions. That's why rape can exist without physical force. But then as someone who may have been guilty of statutory rape yourself, I can understand why you don't feel that way.

If this question was posted on a legal board, you would be way out of bounds with your response. As it was posted here, there is more latitude given for opinion. In my opinion the 19 yr old is clearly a predator and possibly a pedophile. He needs to be prevented from preying on other children. So the OP SHOULD be telling her parents and/or the authorities about this rape.

And men who prey on children very often move on to the next child when the first one gets "too old." Someone has to protect that next child.

I think the person answering is, himself, a predator of sorts and that is where the info is coming from. Some very interesting posts, by the way!

srawcliffe · Jul 19, 2010, 07:28 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

And men who prey on children very often move on to the next child when the first one gets "too old." Someone has to protect that next child.

I think the person answering is, himself, a predator of sorts and that is where the info is coming from. Some very interesting posts, by the way!

Little bit sad that you see it that way. Of course, I can't prove you wrong so I won't try. I'm quite sure that if you met and spoke to my ex-girlfriend you'd revise your opinion.

What I do think is important is to see the difference between the law and morality. The law aims to protect younger people against sexual exploitation by older people. One way it does that is to assume that in certain age-difference situations any consent expressed by the younger person cannot be valid. There are good reasons the law is framed this way -- we all know of cases where an older person has pressured or seduced a younger person into having sex under circumstances which are clearly wrong, even if they wouldn't have constituted rape if the person had been older.

Legally, Cydney's boyfriend has committed statutory rape (sorry if that sounds brutal, Cydney, but it's the way it is). Whether what has occurred really is rape, in the sense of forcing (or even pressuring) Cydney into having sex, is unclear. To me, that's what determines the best advice -- simply split up with him, or split up and report him.

We all know what the legal situation is, but only Cydney can decide what to do about it. If she's satisfied that she really was consenting to their having sex, it's difficult to see the moral reasons for reporting him. Law and morals are not always the same.

JudyKayTee · Jul 19, 2010, 07:30 AM

She CAN'T consent to having sex with him. She is under age. She is too young to consent. It's rape.

I don't know why you can't understand that.

As far as the OP - I would question whether a person not old enough to consent to sex is old enough to form an opinion as to what and what is not rape.

Moderators - this is going in circles. Time to close.

J_9 · Jul 19, 2010, 07:37 AM

Originally Posted by srawcliffe

If she's satisfied that she really was consenting to their having sex, it's difficult to see the moral reasons for reporting him. Law and morals are not always the same.

It's pretty obvious you are not the parent of a teen girl.

srawcliffe · Jul 19, 2010, 07:41 AM

Originally Posted by J_9

It's pretty obvious you are not the parent of a teen girl.

No, my daughter is 9. Maybe my views will change over the next 4 years. But I doubt it.

ScottGem · Jul 19, 2010, 09:51 AM

Originally Posted by srawcliffe

Legally, Cydney's boyfriend has committed statutory rape (sorry if that sounds brutal, Cydney, but it's the way it is). Whether what has occurred really is rape, in the sense of forcing (or even pressuring) Cydney into having sex, is unclear. To me, that's what determines the best advice -- simply split up with him, or split up and report him.

I'm going to make this easy for you. The boyfriend BROKE THE LAW. It does not matter whether the OP consented or not, he broke the law.

Now, while I do agree its up to the OP whether to report it or not. The issue is not whether she consented or not. The issue is that this was a 19 yr old who preyed on a 15 yr old. There is a strong possibility that this wasn't the first time and won't be the last time. THAT is what its important that he be reported.