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EmoPrincess · Jul 16, 2010, 02:33 PM

I babysit my little brother, age six, every day for around 8 to 12 hours. I have tried being nice and kind to him. I have tried time outs. I have tried talking to him. He will not behave. He is very bratty and mean. He thinks it's funny to hit (to the point where I bleed or have bruises and welts) he just won't listen to me. He makes huge messes involving breaking things that aren't his, and when I ask him to help clean it up, he refuses and hits me or makes more messes. He talks back, very meanly, constantly and all he does is whine and complain no matter what I do. I've even went out and got squirt guns for me and him to play with (at his request). I do everything I can to make being home fun for him and no matter what he is terrible. When I talk to my mother about this, she gets very upset and claims he is just being 6. I have seen many less violent and kinder 6 year olds. I just don't know what to do anymore
PLEASE HELP

DoulaLC · Jul 16, 2010, 03:53 PM

If your mother won't step up and deal with this, you will have to. Talk with your mother again... remind her that while it may be normal for a 6 year old to become frustrated and upset at times, it is never OK for him to be hitting as a result. He should be being taught more responsible ways to deal with his frustration/anger.
Does she give you free reign to discipline him while under your care? If so, try sitting him down and having another talk to go over what the consequences will be if he hits, makes a mess without helping to clean it up, is disrespectful, etc.
Decide what the consequence will be and hold him to it. Make a simple chart for him to see: 1) hitting... no TV for the rest of the day, as an example. If he complains, and he will, so expect it, remind him that he knew the expectation, knew the consequence of HIS choice, and that you are sure he will make a better choice next time. If he makes a mess, and refuses to help clean it up, give him a choice... start cleaning it up in the next 5 minutes and then he can go play... or go to his room for a set period and he can clean it up when his time is up. If he doesn't make the choice, you make it for him and hold him to HIS decision... again reminding him that you understand that he is upset and you are sure he will make a better choice next time.
You have to remain consistent... ignore crying, whining, and so on. Keep it all matter of fact... try not to get upset yourself or get into an arguing match with a 6 year old.
It will take some time, and you will get frustrated with him, but you can set the example for him... and that is how children learn best.
Good luck!

Just_Another_Lemming · Jul 16, 2010, 04:04 PM

EmoPrincess, bad behaviour as you are describing for a 6 year old boy who has a much older sister usually occurs because he wants your undivided attention. If he isn't getting it when he is being good and quiet, he knows he will get it when he acts like a big pain in the butt, screaming, kicking, breaking things.

You need to do a little bit of positive manipulation with him. Spend some quality sibling time together for a couple of hours during the day. Stay off the computer, phone, stop texting, and spend that time giving him your undivided attention. What kind of physical activities are you actually doing with him on a daily basis? Can you take him to a playground or swimming pool? Can you play soccer with him? At his age, he needs physical activity to tire him out every day. Then when he has had you all to himself for a few hours, you can sit him down with crayons & a coloring book, put on an educational dvd, or allow him to do something he likes to do by himself. Then, you can catch up with your friends when he is otherwise engaged.

Another idea is, do any of his friends have stay at home Moms? Maybe you can set up play dates twice a week. One day, she takes the kids. Another day, you take them. This way, each of you has one day free to yourselves.

Alty · Jul 16, 2010, 04:05 PM

Emop, why are you the one taking care of him, I thought your dad didn't work, why isn't he responsible for caring for his child?

Does your mom work?

This is not your responsibility. You're only 17, this is not your child.

It's time for you parents to step up to the plate. If they won't, and considering all the other issues in your other threads, it's really time to call child protective services so you and your brother can get out of this environment.

Enough is enough. You have issue after issue, this is not the way to live for either you or your brother.

Jake2008 · Jul 16, 2010, 04:15 PM

I'd say this is a situation out of control.

8-12 hours a day? Where is your mother? Why are you 'babysitting', and I say that in quotations because you are raising this child, not babysitting.

I do not see this as beneficial to either you, or the six year old. You are not his parent. It is not your job to raise him, which is what you are doing with the hours you put in. This far exceeds what anybody would find reasonable.

Where is your father? Why are you burdened with such a huge responsibility- how did this come about.

QLP · Jul 16, 2010, 04:33 PM

Oh I do feel for you Emop. I'm sure Alty, Jake and the others can give you good advice so I won't try, as I have no better thoughts right now, but I will say you have my utmost sympathy and a willing ear if you want to vent.

I have picked up from your various posts that you really do have it tough. I myself had a pretty rotten early life and I gather Alty did too and probably a fair few other people on here.

So no immediate advice but just want to say that you're a great person and life will get better in the long run I'm sure. Hang on in there girl. HUGS.

Alty · Jul 16, 2010, 04:49 PM

Originally Posted by QLP

Oh I do feel for you Emop. I'm sure Alty, Jake and the others can give you good advice so I won't try, as I have no better thoughts right now, but I will say you have my utmost sympathy and a willing ear if you want to vent.

I have picked up from your various posts that you really do have it tough. I myself had a pretty rotten early life and I gather Alty did too and probably a fair few other people on here.

So no immediate advice but just want to say that you're a great person and life will get better in the long run I'm sure. Hang on in there girl. HUGS.

Although I did have a rough childhood, it had nothing to do with my parents. They were amazing, the best parents a child could have.

Just wanted to clarify that, because I don't want anyone thinking they were abusive or bad, far from it. :)

QLP · Jul 16, 2010, 04:58 PM

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Although I did have a rough childhood, it had nothing to do with my parents. They were amazing, the best parents a child could have.

Just wanted to clarify that, because I don't want anyone thinking they were abusive or bad, far from it. :)

Sorry Alty I didn't mean to imply that, I do apologise that I could have given that impression. I just meant to point out that after a rotten start in life, in whatever way, things can get better. I know you act as an inspiration to many people here and that was my reason for mentioning you.

Alty · Jul 16, 2010, 05:01 PM

Originally Posted by QLP

Sorry Alty I didn't mean to imply that, I do apologise that I could have given that impression. I just meant to point out that after a rotten start in life, in whatever way, things can get better. I know you act as an inspiration to many people here and that was my reason for mentioning you.

No worries. I wasn't upset or anything, just wanted to make it clear that my parents were never an issue.

I just don't want anyone thinking that. I got 30 years of wonderful with them. :)

Not upset at all and no apology necessary. :)

Wondergirl · Jul 16, 2010, 05:04 PM

Does your little brother listen to ANYone, i.e. is he like this with your mom and dad too?

EmoPrincess · Jul 16, 2010, 06:15 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Does your little brother listen to ANYone, i.e., is he like this with your mom and dad too?

He doesn't listen to anyone anymore. Not since he started staying home with dad two years ago.

EmoPrincess · Jul 16, 2010, 06:16 PM

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Emop, why are you the one taking care of him, I thought your dad didn't work, why isn't he responsible for caring for his child?

Does your mom work?

This is not your responsibility. You're only 17, this is not your child.

It's time for you parents to step up to the plate. If they won't, and considering all the other issues in your other threads, it's really time to call child protective services so you and your brother can get out of this environment.

Enough is enough. You have issue after issue, this is not the way to live for either you or your brother.

My dad got a job and works about 13 to 20 hours a day now
It's only temporary Alty!

Wondergirl · Jul 16, 2010, 06:16 PM

Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx

He doesn't listen to anyone anymore. Not since he started staying home with dad two years ago.

Have your parents done anything about this?

Does anyone set limits for him? How is he in school?

EmoPrincess · Jul 16, 2010, 06:19 PM

Originally Posted by Just_Another_Lemming

EmoPrincess, bad behaviour as you are describing for a 6 year old boy who has a much older sister usually occurs because he wants your undivided attention. If he isn't getting it when he is being good and quiet, he knows he will get it when he acts like a big pain in the butt, screaming, kicking, breaking things.

You need to do a little bit of positive manipulation with him. Spend some quality sibling time together for a couple of hours during the day. Stay off the computer, phone, stop texting, and spend that time giving him your undivided attention. What kind of physical activities are you actually doing with him on a daily basis? Can you take him to a playground or swimming pool? Can you play soccer with him? At his age, he needs physical activity to tire him out every day. Then when he has had you all to himself for a few hours, you can sit him down with crayons & a coloring book, put on an educational dvd, or allow him to do something he likes to do by himself. Then, you can catch up with your friends when he is otherwise engaged.

Another idea is, do any of his friends have stay at home Moms? Maybe you can set up play dates twice a week. One day, she takes the kids. Another day, you take them. This way, each of you has one day free to yourselves.

During the day. He has my undivided attention, exception is bathroom breaks. There are a few kids around here (4) and two of them, he is not allowed to play with because the father is abusive and is also accusing my brother of stealing a ring he threw at his wife.

I play any sport he wants, we run around, play pretend, use his slipnslide, swim in his pool, play on his playset, everything. But no matter what, he fights about everything

Also, we can't go anywhere because I have no license or car and nothing is within safe walking distance for a 6 year old (we live on an industrial side road off the main road)

EmoPrincess · Jul 16, 2010, 06:20 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Have your parents done anything about this?

Does anyone set limits for him? How is he in school?

They talked to him, they tell him "No hitting, be good"

In school he was pretty good. It's being home

EmoPrincess · Jul 16, 2010, 06:21 PM

Originally Posted by Jake2008

I'd say this is a situation out of control.

8-12 hours a day? Where is your mother? Why are you 'babysitting', and I say that in quotations because you are raising this child, not babysitting.

I do not see this as beneficial to either you, or the six year old. You are not his parent. It is not your job to raise him, which is what you are doing with the hours you put in. This far exceeds what anybody would find reasonable.

Where is your father? Why are you burdened with such a huge responsibility- how did this come about.

My family is in a tight spot and can't afford dare care. It's only temporary, for a few months. Then when school starts, it'll just be getting him on and off the bus

My dad is working all day and a lot of the night

Wondergirl · Jul 16, 2010, 06:29 PM

Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx

they talked to him, they tell him "No hitting, be good"

in school he was pretty good. it's being home

So at home there are no boundaries? And he is going to "turn this off" when he goes to school?

When will this schedule end?

Who will be in charge of him when he gets home from school?

EmoPrincess · Jul 16, 2010, 07:36 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

So at home there are no boundaries? And he is going to "turn this off" when he goes to school?

When will this schedule end?

Who will be in charge of him when he gets home from school?

I will be
When he's at school he behaves well enough. He only hits me my boyfriend, and other family members.

At home he is told not to hit and he has a few rules, like no going outside without asking and stuff like that

Just_Another_Lemming · Jul 17, 2010, 04:30 AM

I figured this was a babysitting job for the summer. I know a few families that are struggling, can't afford babysitters, and hire their older teens since they can't find jobs. I didn't realize you had all this other stuff going on until people started posting about it. I am truly sorry you have had such a heavy burden at such a young age. I had only gone back a few days with your posts and I had noticed that you were online here during the day a few times. That is why I wrote what I did. If you spend a lot of time here during the day, he is going to act out.

I understand everyone's concern and the desire to help you by suggesting you call a child welfare agency. However, I know most teens & children will not or are afraid to narc on their family. You are between a rock and a hard place and need some constructive advice on how to deal with this spoiled little boy. So, I am really trying to come up with some constructive solutions. Maybe someone else here has better ideas. It does sound like you are doing a lot with him. I am sorry you can't really count on any other families in your area to help share babysitting time.

Just some food for thought, a 6 year old boy with a much older sister usually has been babied by everyone in the household at least the first few years of his life, especially the older sister. It is wonderful having a baby brother you can take care of and play with when he is so willing to listen to you, learn from you, & shows you such unconditional love. But, he is now a little man. You have a boyfriend. Holy moly. That is a threat in his relationship with you. Those here with child pych backgrounds and who have been mothers & fathers, know that little boys want to "marry" Mommy and get jealous of Daddy at some point in their development. You have been very much a "Mommy" figure to him. So, in his mind, your brother is not getting the attention he used to get from you when he was younger, quite often he is being told "no" by you, you are attempting to place additional boundaries on him when his parents have only set a few, AND, you have that pesky boyfriend who he just LOVES to hit. Your brother is being forced to grow up and be a big boy now and he is letting everyone know he isn't happy about it.

As long as your parents allow him to hit or strike out without consequences or enforcing whatever the house rules are, he is going to continue the bad behavior.

At this point, all that is coming to my mind is to help you get some mental relief. You might want to call your local Chamber of Commerce, churches, or family services groups, and see if they can steer you toward any programs in your area that are geared for low income families/free stuff to do with children. Sometimes towns/cities/church groups will sponsor a day camp for kids. They will give a free week to a needy child. That would at least give you a break. As I stated, maybe some others here have more constructive or helpful advice than I can give at the moment. I do feel for you. At your age, you should be out with your friends and this definitely is not a great way to spend your summer.

Just_Another_Lemming · Jul 17, 2010, 05:30 AM

I just answered a question in a different category and realized that I should have mentioned this to you. Find your local yellow pages. Look under Community Services. There should be a subheadings entitled "Child Care/Parenting Programs" and "Family Support Services." Call one of those places and ask them if they know of any groups that offer free programs during the summer for low or limited income families. If the place you call doesn't have one, they more than likely do know of a group that offers something or they may have some other suggestions for you to keep your brother occupied OR teach him how to properly use his words and not his hands to get his point across.