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godofwine · Dec 15, 2006, 07:39 PM

My girlfriend (well... not anymore I guess) and I have been dating for about three years. I am so in love with her and I always want her to be in my life... but about a month ago she told me that she was interested in another guy and that she didn't feel like she was being faithful to me and that she had to give him a chance... so we broke up... for two days. After that she was being all strange and submissive... she acted like I didn't exist. I got so fed up I broke up with her. Now a week later she is trying to get my attention more than ever and she says that she will do anything to get me back, I love her so much and I want to, but I don't want to set myself up to be hurt again... (oh! And in about a month she is going out of the country for 15 weeks, just to add that in) WHAT DO I DO?? Help please!

BlazingCold · Dec 15, 2006, 07:42 PM

She wanted to be with another guy! And said that to your face while you were still together!

Let her go. DO NOT take her back. You deserve much better.

chuff · Dec 15, 2006, 07:54 PM

I agree with Blazing Cold. She told you that she was interested in someone else. As much as it hurts you by her own admition she does not value loyalty as you do.

Speaking of which what happened with the other guy. Did she try to start something with him and he wasn't interested? I bet she did so she came right back to you. You've now become her doormat for her to walk on and over. I'm sorry this had to happen but you've got to move forward now on you own.

godofwine · Dec 15, 2006, 08:04 PM

What happened was, she thought she was interested in this other guy and she could not be faithful to me until he was out of the picture. She didn't even talk to the guy before we got back together. She showed up at my house crying and said she was wrong and begged me to take her back, and that she didn't have feelings for him.

chuff · Dec 15, 2006, 08:19 PM

Originally Posted by godofwine

what happened was, she thought she was interested in this other guy and she could not be faithful to me until he was out of the picture. she didnt even talk to the guy before we got back together. she showed up at my house crying and said she was wrong and begged me to take her back, and that she didnt have feelings for him.

But she was lying. She was lying because she told you she did. I've got to believe that was the truth if she was willing to risk such a long relationship on him. She may have realized after it happened that she made a mistake or as I said maybe she tried to hook up with him and he was interested. Either way after investing all your time, energy, love, and emotion she thought of you as a back up plan. You were number two. Do you want to go through life always knowing that you were number two?

godofwine · Dec 15, 2006, 08:27 PM

Well hell no... but listen to this, that guy who she was interested in is now ubsessed with her and even confessed his love her (strange, I know). She beggs me every day to take her back, and I haven't... I am still very in love with her though, I will give in at somepoint

Makiavelic76 · Dec 15, 2006, 08:50 PM

Hmmm... 3 year relationship traded for a 2 day "to see what happends around the corner, and then please wait for me" sounds like a eye opener to me.

First, OK, she was honest at least, late but late honest. But all in the air smells like she was trying to jump from one boat to another, without losing ground under her feet.

You must put in perspective what can this girl bring to your life in the future. Does she have insecurity issues in her mind that you could saw before. Sometimes, long term relationships blinds your common sense if you aren't aware to know the person from her background.

Maybe it's time to put some oxygen between you and her for a while, to see what happends on both of you. Believe me, perhaps you don't notice it now at all, but something has broken inside you, and getting her back right away would make that feeling hide for a while, until explodes in a non healthy way.

Be strong man, be strong :mad:

talaniman · Dec 15, 2006, 09:02 PM

You two should talk and clear the air and find out what the heck just happened before you can talk about going back together. Her actions and yours sets off all kinds of red flags. Talk about it then think about it.

Geoffersonairplane · Dec 16, 2006, 06:08 AM

Originally Posted by godofwine

well hell no... but listen to this, that guy who she was interested in is now ubsessed with her and even confessed his love her (strange, i know). she beggs me every day to take her back, and i havnt.... i am still very in love with her though, i will give in at somepoint

O.K here's my opinion...

She emotionally cheated on you, she thought the grass was greener on the other side.. She was honest by telling you she had an interest in this other man. She was then rejected by him or found out what he was really like and then realized she made a mistake giving a 3 year relationship up for him. She then has the audacity to ask for you to take her back after keeping you on the back burner (so to speak) in case things did not work out with this other guy, which it did not. This other man now feels rejected or wants what he can't have, sees you as competition because she now wants you back, he knows this and this is why he wants her..

Its simple mathematics here (so to speak) and I am sure there is not much more depth to the situation than the above.

Do you really want to be a revolving door for her where she can come and go as she pleases and be the 2nd option as Chuff points out in a response above.

You are worth more than this and she has red flags all over the place by the sounds of it.

I may be wrong but this is how it seems given the facts...

Find someone who values loyalty and who values you as a person.

chuff · Dec 16, 2006, 07:03 AM

Well Geoff I had to spread it but you were right on.

BlazingCold · Dec 16, 2006, 07:17 AM

I know you love her godofwine, but this is something you CANNOT accept from your SO. She blatantly disrepected you, thinking she should go out and "explore", but still come back to you if the fish weren't biting. Cut your losses, kick her to the curb, and don't look back. You will find someone who would NEVER THINK of doing something like that to you.

What I'm telling you sounds idiotic, and very very difficult, but this for the best.

valinors_sorrow · Dec 16, 2006, 10:41 AM

Here is where you are: You love her but you (rightfully so!) don't trust her.

Here is the lesson in it: It is not possible to turn a untrustworthy person into a trustworthy one simply by loving them, no matter how much you do love them. And she is untrustworhy, no doubt. Some other things too probably.

Here is the action: Look closely at her, talk at length if necessary and if you do not see profound and I do mean PROFOUND remorse, and very tangible and SUBSTANTIAL personal growth designed specficially to correct her untrustworthiness out of her from this, then tell her goodbye as gracefully as you can or you'll be signing up for it again.

Here's the only cool part in it: This advice was free. I am sorry for your loss. Good luck

lmnotok · Dec 16, 2006, 08:27 PM

Hey bro, I think this gal is a total immature and selfish person. Don't rush into her now. I know this kind of gal since l was there before. Once she wants something, she can do anything to get it but once she doesn't, she throws it right away into garbage. You must be aware. Maybe she truly loves you, but if you truly love her too then GIVE HER TIME TO GROW UP. Leave her waiting like this for longer, for her to learn a lesson. Take that 15 weeks to be a challenge for her. Once she comes back, if she still begs of you coming back to her then you can accept at the point. Now don't show any emotions, she will respect you for doing it. SHe might say that she is disappointed of how you react but deep down inside, she adores you, believe me!
For you then, take that 15 weeks to have fun, don't think too much, look around and see if she is a really good choice!

CalifornianCancer07 · May 17, 2007, 08:28 AM

Originally Posted by godofwine

my girlfriend (well... not anymore i guess) and i have been dating for about three years. i am so in love with her and i always want her to be in my life... but about a month ago she told me that she was interested in another guy and that she didnt feel like she was being faithful to me and that she had to give him a chance... so we broke up... for two days. after that she was being all strange and submissive... she acted like i didnt exist. i got so fed up i broke up with her. now a week later she is trying to get my attention more than ever and she says that she will do anything to get me back, i love her so much and i want to, but i dont want to set myself up to be hurt again... (oh! and in about a month she is going out of the country for 15 weeks, just to add that in) WHAT DO I DO???? help please!

If you love this girl, don't let her go,15 weeks is long time.Believe me, it happened to me, I let this girl go,I took her for granted and it was too late when I realiZed that I love her with all my soul, she found someone new.So if you really love this girl, don't just sit there and do NOTHING.You said it yourself that she would do anything to keep you, why the hell is she leaving, maybe you can stop her from leaving. 3 years is whole lot of time you've invested with this girl, she's probley worht it.I spent 5 years with this girl and she's now gone. So go get her dude!