[Helpacangurl]

Hi me and my boyfriend have been off and on for about 9 years, were both 24. We now have a 2 1/2 year old and a 7 month old. We have been dating steady since my pregnancy with my first child. He lately has begun drinking on average 3 beers a night and when I get why over it he starts drinking more to the point he leaves and buys more been and doesn't come home till he's feeling good! He says that the beer makes him relax. To me its not fair I get left alone at home with the kids and he get to go out and get drunk. I myself don't enjoy drinking, but I do try and go out with him like a familly. Like fishing, camping but when we do beer is always on his mind, when he doesn't he's joking about it and that makes me feel like he's always thinking about it instead of thinking of me and the kids! I have tried not nagging but it doesn't change the drinking. Should I just say screw it I can do better or stay here for the kids! I'm so lost I feel empty and alone help!!

[positiveparent]

It would seem you both have some issues you need to air and talk over with one another, he's drinking possibly to unwind and perhaps forget, you're stuck at home alone with 2 babies all the time, that's not the recipe for a happy ever after.

I would say he's got something on his mind, does he have financial problems, work problems, other family problems, it does appear he is trying to blot out something, or perhaps he just feels tied with a young family, you and he cannot go out to often.

Can you get a baby sitter and go with him, perhaps you need a weekend without the babies, ( send them to Mums? ) so you and he can have some alone time some adults time.

Do you nag or complain about his drinking, or keep mentioning it, no matter how much I speculate you and he really must, sit down together once the children are in bed and talk to each other, let him have his say you wait 1 minute before attempting to respond, so that you don't react totally from emotions. Also don't interrupt him, that means you aren't listening, once he's had his say then you have yours and ask him to observe the same conditions of not interupting, and waiting 1 minute.

If you do as suggested here it will hopefully enable you both to speak your minds about what's bothering you. Try not to get into an argument with him that won't solve anything.

Please try to listen to each other, and work from there, you do need to speak to him though and find out what's behind his changes, and drinking.

Good Luck...

[talaniman]

he lately has begun drinking on average 3 beers a night and when I get why over it he starts drinking more to the point he leaves and buys more been and doesn't come home till he's feeling good!

Is there a reason you make a big deal of him drinking his 3 beers, so he feels he should leave and get more?

What happens when you don't make a big deal of him drinking his three beers in the evening?

[1800proof]

He may be trying to 'self medicate' with alcohol because of stress in his life, possibly anxiety, or depression. Only a doctor can say, but I would recommend having him talk to one. It used to be thought that depression was a mental issue, but now, research shows it to be a physical issue.

... just my opinion. I have no education in the medical field.

[positiveparent]

It is only 3 pints he's drinking and I feel he's doing so because he's got something on his mind, he's wanting to escape from,

You and he need to talk not shout or argue but talk this through, before it goes beyond talking through.

Don't let your lines of communication become blocked and clogged, you've 2 babies to consider. Please talk...