[euro_jan]

All right, normally I don't seek for advice on the interwebs, but this situation is a bit complex. I would normally ask some of my female friends for advice, but the rumours are going fast, well, just read the story and you'll get it...

So I have 'known' the girl for a year or so. Known, like I know her name because she occasionally comes to a party or another 'event' with a closer friend of mine. But I had not spoken with her at all, did not know anything about her. To be honest... She's blonde and quite hot, that is the only reason I remembered her name :p

So at a cocktailparty, for some reason I cannot remember, I end up talking to her, and, you know, sometimes you have the hole-in-one experience. So 6h of talking and some drinks later, I go home (after postponing "i really enjoy this but i have to go working tommorow" a couple of times... ).

As Facebook is the new reality, I added her on facebook/msn. We started chatting/flirting a bit. I went to her place to have a drink. Now comes the surprise... So I told a guy I saw his sister in the same building where the girl is living. And he goes "what are you doing there, that girl has a bf". So I go "heh, never heard anything about a bf".

Ow yeah, I never give phonenr on a first date. I'd rather send it in an email or on Facebook or something. As a girl, it is easier to just ignore, which makes a positive response a more positive response (logic huh ^^). So I decide to test this theory of the boyfriend. I send her an online message with my phonenumber. Next day I get a phonecall from the girl to have a date at the weekend. Me = happy. Next day she calls to see if an early date is possible. I agree, but tell her to come to my workplace, because last minute things changed my plans a bit. No problem, after work, she is waiting for me (half an hour early.. ).

So we go to a semi-romantic place for the first 1-on-1 date, have some beers. Usual chit chat talks. Talk about childhood memories, future plans. Laughing all the time. Anyway, I thought, well this is going more than OK. And no mentioning of a boyfriend. So afterwards I walked her home, gave her a good hug and kiss on the cheek. I go home and while going home I send her a good night text-message. So I thought I played that more than OK. First time in some months I finally meet someone I can talk with, has some brains, I can laugh with and looks hot. Quite unique combination to be honest... :p

Ok, the weekend I go to a café and I meet some girl friends of mine that are clos friends to her. I get a gestapo interrogation: "she's been telling about you, bladieblada". So I go "yeah, we had a good time, she is funny and i like her, blablabla".

Any normal person would think, "woohoo", not? So the next week I call her to go watch a movie. "i am busy the whole week". 5 days or so later I called her again "i am sick". So I go " is this, you ignoring me honey" and I decide to ignore her for 2 weeks.

So I am on a party and drunk and I call her telling her that I miss her. Real classy of me, I know... And she goes 'that s cute of you' and sends me an email the next day that she has a boyfriend. But she wants me to be a friend. So I go, yeah right it. So I completely ignore her for some weeks. She finally changed her Facebook status into 'in relationship'. It isn't no relationship until it is on Facebook nowadays...

Anywayz, I was getting over it, given up the chase (to be honest since the phonecalls where I was turned down). I was at a café with some friends of mine and she was there with her boyfriend. But I had too many barbecues the last couple of days, so my stomach was doing flips and tricks so I just said hi and that I was feeling bad and left. Next day, some messages if I was healed already...

Last week was my b-day and I was throwing a party. And 1 day before my birthday, she texts me "1 day until yo bday". Apparently she is thinking about me, not? On my birthday another text "happy bday, 1 kiss for every year xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, tomorow party?" So the next day at the party, she is at the party, with the boyfriend (oh boy what a douche wanker loser dude that is... ).
She was doing all sorts of stuff to get some attention of me. Dropping her sweater on my chair and coming to get it 2mins later etc. But I was thinking "i am not going to talk to you with your bf next to you". So she and the boyfriend and some friends of her go sit at a table. She appeared to be bored. So she got up, came to me and she bought me a drink and we had a chat of 60 minutes or so and then she said 'i have to get back to him'.

Her best friend, which happens to be my brothers girlfriend (it is complex, try to follow it... ), said, "well well, keep trying, she's laughing more in those 60 mins than the past 2 weeks."

aaargh. Anyway, just writing it off myself. My male friends are only placing bets like '50 beers if you bang her within 2 months' so I prefer to not disclose anything with them, but they have eyes in their head as well. For some reason we always end up together for long times, anywhere we are... and the girls are saying I should keep trying. And everybody knows the douche boyfriend. So I have to keep all my questions inside myself...

Anyway, is going on with this chick? Just to give you an idea. I met her at that party begin of may and she said to be friend middle of June. I think I might have a crush on her, which is quite a rare feeling for me. And no I am not being childish or immature. I have had big and long and interesting relationships, I even lived together with someone for some years. So I know quite well what I want, and apart from the ed up behaviour, she is coming quite close to a 10/10.

I know she had a 4yr old relationship, but that was already 6 months ago. She still afraid of being hurt? She playing hard to get?

Any suggestion on what I should do? I am leaving on holidays for 2 weeks in a couple of days. Gives me a timeframe to test her emotional need for me :p, any suggestion more than welcome.

[I wish]

Be careful what you do. You don't want her to cheat on her boyfriend to be with you. What does that say about her?

Even if she breaks up with her boyfriend, do you really want to be her rebound boy?

If she can go on dates with other guys while she has a boyfriend, what does that mean when you're her boyfriend?

Finally, regardless of all her friendly gestures, which you think she's flirting, she still wrote you an email telling you that she just wants you as her friend. The fact that you've read the email, but still talking to her will make her assume that you're fine with being friends. Be careful not to misinterpret her friendliness as something more.

Check out this thread for more insight: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...ip-463250.html as many others have been in a similar situation, including myself.

[talaniman]

You talked to her for 6 hours and you didn't ask her if she had a boyfriend??

She finally says lets be friends, AND changes her Facebook status??

Your already in the friendzone, but be careful guy, and don't get carried away by YOUR crush. She may be trying to get your attention, but I am sure if you look around you have better options and opportunities for romance besides her, as she has a boyfriend, and is bring you closer as a friend.

You better pay more attention to her character from a safe distance before you let feelings of attractions get you in big trouble. You could end up being that poor loser who brings her to parties, and she flirts with her friends for an hour.

[Homegirl 50]

Leave her alone.
After reading all if this I'm not understanding why you still see her as an option. Besides that, she told you she only wants you as a friend.

[Kitkat22]

Remember... she has a boyfriend and I don't think he would take it very well if he knew you were after his girlfriend.

Guys like you always want something that belongs to someone else.

You may have to deal with him.

[redhead1992]

I'm going through something kind of similar. You got to wait it out man. Obviously this relationship with this guy is new, so it could end quickly especially if she's not happy. But as much as you'll want to, don't jump at the chance to date her right away if it does fail. There might be hope.
When my aunt and uncle met, my aunt was engaged to another guy. Well, my aunt and uncle have been faithfully married for over 35 years... so just be a good friend to her and she'll realize she belongs with you

[Homegirl 50]

You stay out of the friend zone. You will soon get tired of it and I doubt her boyfriend would appreciate it.
Besides you are wanting something more than she wants so your wanting to friend is really disingenuous

[Kitkat22]

im going through something kinda similar. you gotta wait it out man. obviously this relationship with this guy is new, so it could end quickly especially if shes not happy. but as much as youll want to, dont jump at the chance to date her right away if it does fail. there might be hope.
when my aunt and uncle met, my aunt was engaged to another guy. well, my aunt and uncle have been faithfully married for over 35 years... so just be a good friend to her and she'll realize she belongs with you

If the boyfriend does find out.. he won't blame it on her. You'll be the target.