[aimee_tt]

Ive been with my boyfriend 3 years in July... His family consist of his mum and brother. He lives with his mum and doesn't pay rent as such but he buys groceries for the family. His mum has borrowed money off him at times and tries to pay it back. His brother steals money off him. I leant his mum $200 dollars once and haven't seen it since.

More recently his mum gave him her old car as he had given her $900 to help fix it but she ended up buying a new car on finance.

His brother and his girlfriend bad a baby last week and the last 3 months his brother has been bothering my boyfriend to get his car fixed so his brother can drive it when the baby arrives. My boyfriend put about $4000 into the car and his brother put $700. Now there is another problem and his brother EXPECTS him to fix it now.

His brother has always been selfish and takes what he wants without asking and without caring who's it is. Like last week his brother took my heater so his baby was warm. It was only a cheap heater and if he had of asked I would have given it to him but the fact that he just took it really ticked me off.

His mum isn't that bad she does try to pay him back but she gives more to his brother than she does to him. As the brother complains and crys a lot. She is currently going through bankruptcy. As (her words) she was 'too lazy to pay off her debt as it was her ex boyfriends fault she was in debt'.

Now his mum wants him and his brother to buy a house together. The plan is for her mum to get a $25000 loan as a deposit and to send them the money. Then their mum will pay off the loan to her mum and the boys will pay off the house. The only person in that family who could auctually make the payments is my boyfriend as he sets budgets for himself so he can use his money wisely.

His brother is living off his pay week to week he has a personal loan he's paying off $6000 and a credit card which he has maxed again.

His mum like I said is bankrupt with a car on finance. She also lives from week to week on her pay.

I asked my boyfriend if he really wanted this and he basically said its my family I have too.

Is there anything I can say? I don't want to butt my head in but I don't want him to make a big mistake!

Any advice would be appreciated!

[Jake2008]

I don't know if there is a solution in this for you.

If you push your boyfriend beyond what he feels is his 'obligation' to his family, despite all the warning signs it won't work, he will likely dig in his heels and regardless of anything sensible you have to say, he'll keep doing what he's doing.

It isn't so much that they are using him, it is the fact that he lets them that is the problem.

While his mother is going through bankruptcy, and hiding assets- i.e.. The new house, your boyfrind will be on the hook for payments. His brother is ill prepared to be a new father with all the responsibilities, financial and otherwise, that he will face in raising a baby. Your boyfriend will now be on the extended hook of helping out- financially.

It seems they factor him into anything that involves their needs, in order to get what they want. They even now include you- with the money you loaned her that you will never see again.

Without your boyfriend allowing them to live their own lives, and be responsible for their own finances, good or bad, you either accept what the future holds, or you get out while you can.

Imagine at some point in the future when you have a baby. He will still be supporting his family first instead of socking money away for you and his child, or providing a better, more secure financial future.

While he may be under pressure from them, or feel pressure from them to 'help', he is actually bailing them out time and time again, voluntarily, at the expense of his own independence.

I would seriously consider ending the relationship.