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Andy_062010 · Jun 24, 2010, 08:18 AM

My name is Andy and I'd been with my girlfriend for 3 months (though for both of us it seemed like a lot longer). We generally have great times together, we're intimate, best friends and laugh together. Between 2 and 3 months we began to argue slighty and some issues arose. On our 3 month anniversairy I was invited to her house to talk about things. We resolved all of the issues (they needed time to heal too ofcourse) but she also said that she wanted space. We had talked about this a couple of weeks before, that she had gone from relationship to relationship with a maximum of 4 months alone (shes not a slag :P). She said that she feels like she needs some time to herself to sort herself out. I suggested that we go on a break but she disagreed and said that breaks do not work in her mind. I also suggested that we stay together but just don't see each other as much and she was partial to that idea. By the end of the day we decided to end the relationship (so that she had her space).

She said that she wanted to talk still and that she'd let me know if it was too much. She also claimed that she wanted us to be the way we were before/during the time we dated.

I don't want to nag and pester her but I feel like I need to know if her mindset is to get over me to help herself. My plan is (not just because I'm upset) to become close friends again and then date again in time.

I would like to hear peoples thoughts and advice about this so I can come to a conclusion about what to do :)

Thanks
Andy

talaniman · Jun 24, 2010, 08:28 AM

Disappear from her life, and move on, as I smell she is only looking out for herself, and leaving her options open for herself.

After just 3 months, and she ain't as into it as you are, then that is unusually the signal to leave. And its over, so I hope you enjoyed it while it lasted.

Andy_062010 · Jun 24, 2010, 08:42 AM

I respect your comments but she even said that she still "adores" me and loves me on the day that we spoke about these issues.
Even after we broke up. Surely that means something?

Leaving me for another relationship or a fling? In your opinion and experience.

cheerhard11 · Jun 24, 2010, 08:52 AM

I think what she is doing is leaving you for another guy then going to come back to you when she wants to, Im a girl, and I will admit I have done the same. But I'm pretty sure that's what she id doing...

kctiger · Jun 24, 2010, 09:09 AM

I think it says a lot about a person who has been in multiple relationships, each lasting less than 4 months. This is over because the interest has faded and I don't see that changing. Flavor of the month, like it or not.

If I were you I'd do like Tal says and disappear from her life. It will make things easier for both of you. No shame in a relationship not working, and sad to say, I don't think this was ever a relationship anyway.

If she adored you and "loved" you this wouldn't be an issue.

Andy_062010 · Jun 24, 2010, 09:12 AM

Nono, her relationships didn't last 4 months, they were longer than that. I mean the time between her relationships when she was alone was up to 4 months.

kctiger · Jun 24, 2010, 09:12 AM

Originally Posted by Andy_062010

Nono, her relationships didnt last 4 months, they were longer than that. I mean the time between her relationships when she was alone was up to 4 months.

That says a lot about a person too. Either way, she has lost interest. Three months of dating and she already wants a break? Sheesh... that is a pretty good sign that in reality, she just isn't into this anymore.

Devorameira · Jun 24, 2010, 09:13 AM

People who are happy together don't break up. SOMETHING concrete caused her to break up.

There are so many questions:

* Why does she want to be alone? Most people spend their life wanting to be with someone else.

* What does she feel she was *missing* with you, that she wanted to instead be without you? I doubt she was with you 24 hours a day, so she already had alone time.

Something about the relationship bothered her - and not just a little, but enough to make her take the step of calling it quits.

Unfortunately, when a girl says that she needs space and wants to end the relationship, it often means that she has decided not to be with you, but she doesn’t really want to put the effort into helping you understand why. When a woman asks for space, they are indicating that something is wrong, but rather than help you solve the issues and rekindle the flame in the relationship, they would rather walk away.

Time to go full NC and walk away - she’s just not that into you anymore.

Andy_062010 · Jun 24, 2010, 09:19 AM

I think what turned her away was that I made a joke about something she was bullied by in school (I had no idea she was bullied for this reason) and she saw me as a bully.
I understand about the whole getting her out of my life thing, but I think if worse comes to worse me and her can still be close friends, is that wrong?

cheerhard11 · Jun 24, 2010, 11:06 AM

Not necisarily or however you spell it, But It will probably hurt you being friends with her cause you still have feelings for her. And you would see her with other guys, but that's your choose.

Andy_062010 · Jun 24, 2010, 04:50 PM

That's fair enough, though in effect it may even get me through the situation rather than avoiding it completely.

positiveparent · Jun 24, 2010, 04:58 PM

I think she's doing what most young girls and guys do, she's trying before she's buying.

Going from one relationship to another until,she finds the one that she wants to stay with.

It happens all the time, and I think its quite a healthy way to do things.

Asking for a break after 3 months means she's not hooked on you, and you aren't the one she wants to buy, sos to speak.

Move on and forget her, she's just doing what most young people do.

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