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jodi88 · Jun 23, 2010, 12:20 AM

I am 47(female) and my partner is 54 (male). He runs back to his ex every time we break up! She is madly in love with him. He keeps returning to me about a week later. She is very jealous of me and she only gets to see him if we break up. She is obsessed with him. So why does he keep coming back to me? Our relationship has been off and on for 18 months and his relationship with his ex was 4 volatile years. Thanks

positiveparent · Jun 23, 2010, 12:33 AM

Whilst I can't answer why he goes running to her, I can suggest you think about going NO Contact and getting this man right out of your life and system, it won't be easy but I would say it's the more logical and sensible option.

No one wants a Man who runs to his ex every time there's a storm brewing, and no woman should tolerate that kind of petty and inconsiderate behaviour.

Its what I would do, but you have to make the choice, if you do go NC, you'll find much support and understanding from the members here and we will help you all we can, but you have to make the choice...

Don't let him treat you so disrespectfully. You're worth more...

hheath541 · Jun 23, 2010, 12:55 AM

I've always felt that you shouldn't get back with an ex. If you broke up, there's obviously a reason. Unless a LOT of time (several years) has passed and the issue has resolved itself, or is irrelevant for some reason, then there's no way you're ready to get back together.

It's clear that there's some reason you guys keep breaking up. I'd say it's time to cut and run. Go NC, like pp suggested, and find someone that isn't going to play games. I'd expect problems like this in a teenager's relationship. He needs to decide if he wants to be with his ex or not. You deserve someone who isn't hung up on someone else.

pandead · Jun 23, 2010, 12:59 AM

Been there, done that. A little while after I broke up with an ex, I started to date a really awesome guy and I appreciated my relationship with him much more than the abusive relationship I had with my ex. Somehow, after each argument, I was contacting my ex and seeing him.

He probably feels worthless after arguments and it's a way for him to make sure he is valued by someone. If his ex is still in love with him, it's even easier. There will always be someone to make him feel good. The ex is as much his "victim" as you are right now.

This is an endless cycle unless one of you decides to break it. Be that one.

Jake2008 · Jun 23, 2010, 05:01 AM

Could part of this be fueled by him being motivated to see his ex, and all these breakups are an excuse to do that?

How many times are you going to break up, and make up again?

I suspect he leaves 'in anger', and secretly giggles in his car, and as he's leaving, he phones her on his cell, and says he's on his way over.

My opinion is you are being played.

talaniman · Jun 23, 2010, 08:01 AM

Both of you allow him to do this, so why not. Get tired of one go back to the other. This could go on forever and he would just love it just fine.

And please, you are as jealous of her as she is of you and neither of you gets your being played like fools.

The first one to kick him to the curb WINS!!