Check out some similar questions!

beautifulescape · Jun 22, 2010, 09:51 PM

I want to keep this short.

I'm a senior in college. My boyfriend and I are very much in love. I'm a virgin, he's not. He had one casual sexual relationship a couple years back.

I get depressed over this. I keep picturing them together and wondering what they did, how it was, etc etc. I know it would probably be better with me because he loves me, but I still get very bothered. Sometimes, I feel so overwhelmed that I cry.

I will admit that I feel jealous of this girl who took his virginity especially when I picture them together. I know it shouldn't matter, but somehow I feel that things will never be as special with us as they could have been if he had never been with her. I also worry about being compared to her, and as a virgin, I'm insecure about this.

Advice, please?

Kitkat22 · Jun 22, 2010, 09:55 PM

You're the one he loves. Let the past stay in the past. He wants to be with you and I think if he didn't he'd be with the other girl or someone else. Let it go

aimee_tt · Jun 22, 2010, 10:03 PM

He had a casual sex relationship. He didn't have feeling for this girl like he does for you.

He doesn't know how sex feels with the person you love... Sex with emotions is better sex. (from what I've heard) Making love with someone you love is completely different to one night of steamy sex.

Don't worry you may be inexperienced but you will mean so much more to him and he will wish he had waited for you!

Kitkat22 · Jun 22, 2010, 10:04 PM

Originally Posted by aimee_tt

He had a casual sex relationship. He didnt have feeling for this girl like he does for you.

He doesnt know how sex feels with the person you love... Sex with emotions is better sex. (from what ive heard) Having making love with someone you love is completely different to one night of steamy sex.

Dont worry you may be inexperienced but you will mean so much more to him and he will wish he had waited for you!

It sure will. Don't worry anymore!:)

JoeCanada76 · Jun 22, 2010, 10:04 PM

Past is the past. People have too many hangups about somebodies past. Who cares if he is a virgin or not. Who is he with now? If you obsess over his past, guarantee things will not work out between the two of you and it will not be his fault.

beautifulescape · Jun 22, 2010, 10:18 PM

Yeah, he means so much to me and I don't want to be upset over his past, it just is really hard for me sometimes. I've tried for a couple months to let it go and I keep it to myself mostly but sometimes I just relapse and get really sad about it. I am just a really sensitive person and sometimes I do get stuck on things that most people wouldn't

aimee_tt · Jun 22, 2010, 10:22 PM

You just need to move past this.

Every time you think of it change your thoughts to I'm beautiful and he loves me and when we make love for the first time it will be magical.

Don't think about them think about you

Jake2008 · Jun 23, 2010, 05:17 AM

I think this more reflects your own insecurity, in that you have never had sex, and because he has, he will be comparing you, with 'her'.

When you do have sex with him, the last thing on his mind will be getting out a flip chart and ticking off what you do sexually, and tallying up the score next to his last sexual encounter.

He is inexperienced himself, and is likely wondering if you think he'll be good enough in bed simply because he had sex once before.

Other than learning a little female anatomy once, he's as close to being a virgin as he can get. That the two of you are in a committed relationship, without sex, speaks for the most likely, unsatisfying sex he had. Why? Because it was just sex.

If you take your boyfriend, and realize, and think about all the reasons you love him, and he is committed to only you, you have nothing to worry about.

Everybody has a 'first', and his first probably lasted about 30 seconds.

Let the issue rest. It's really a non-issue.

beautifulescape · Jun 23, 2010, 06:52 AM

You have a good point, but I know it wasn't just one time... it was kind of a friends with benefits situation that lasted a couple months. That is what gets me too, knowing that he kept sleeping with this girl he wasn't really dating. I don't know the details as to how often they slept together, and my imagination runs wild. I hate it. I know that all that should matter is that he loves me... and you're right.. I feel insecure.. I feel afraid that I wouldn't measure up to this "experienced" girl.

J_9 · Jun 23, 2010, 07:04 AM

It's really none of your business. This happened BYT (before your time) and it needs to stay that way. He is with you now, that's what's important.

Kitkat22 · Jun 23, 2010, 09:43 AM

Originally Posted by J_9

It's really none of your business. This happened BYT (before your time) and it needs to stay that way. He is with you now, that's what's important.

J_9 said it all.

beautifulescape · Jun 24, 2010, 12:34 AM

I never said it was entirely my business.. or that I was right to feel this way. Just that it is really hard sometimes and I wasn't sure how to deal with it. I guess it's just something I have to deal with until I'm over it somehow

Jake2008 · Jun 24, 2010, 06:26 AM

Him being more experienced with one girl sexually, doesn't mean much in the overall scope of things.

A friend with benefits situation, is so far removed from what you are to him, it's like comparing apples to watermelons.

What will see you through all of this is that he loves you. Having a sexual relationship with the preson you love, is far more intimate and meaningful than any fling, or partner in the past.

It will all be quite natural for you when the time comes.

Kitkat22 · Jun 24, 2010, 09:24 AM

This is true! Don't keep dwelling
On this.

coachj · Jul 7, 2010, 07:12 PM

You sound like a nice girl but if you don't give these thoughts up you could damage your relationship. Jealousy is so damaging. You seem fixated on this and my advice is to take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ. These thoughts are not helpful to you or him. God will Join the 2 of you as 1. How much better can it get? :)