[sadgirl1984]

I have a boy friend and we've been together now for 8month and we had our ups and downs , the problem seems to be in me, because since we started this relationship and I have a problem that I can't trust him at all even though he didn't do anything , he
Is not cheating on me , but I'm always jealous and I'm always creating stories in my head and its all from my imagination,
I love him so much but I have insecurities , he know everything about my previous life and he know that I became like this because I've been hurt for many times ,
But I don't want to be like this I want to trust him because I really love him but I'm always afraid he might cheat on me or him might leave me ,I'm afraid he might get
Bored ,am already afraid that he might be cheating on me,
I can't even believe that he really wants me as he is saying even though he is trying to do anything to show it,
But I always suspect him also when he hang out with his friends I think that he might be cheating and that he lies.. I dun know how to change I dun know what to do,
I want to give him everything and I want to trust him because he is really a good guy but I can't do that I always do stupid things ,so what should I do?

[liz28]

You need to work on your insecuirites before he gets fed up and leave. At least you admit it, and are willing to work on changing your ways but there is something that is bringing up these insecurites. Have you ever been cheated on in the past?

[aimee_tt]

Every time you think negative thoughts. Change them to thoughts of.. Im am beautiful, my boyfriend loves me and would never cheat on me. I have nothing to worry about. Then distract yourself from thinking again... Put ear phones in your ears with loud happy music!

[pandead]

Not every guy is the same. Look at yourself and repeat this in your head. You have been lied to, or cheated on before but it didn't happen because you deserved it, remember the breakup cliché, stop accusing yourself and thinking you don't deserve a healthy relationship because most of the time, it's not you, it's them.

Even the most patient and caring person can't keep up with your insecurities forever. It's insulting for him too after all, you think he is the kind of man who can lie and cheat on you, when he does everything in his power to make you understand you are the one he wants to be with.

Make a list of things you want to change and how you want to achieve it.
Then I'd suggest making a shopping list and adding a new dress and new shoes to it. Get a haircut if you want. Feeling good about yourself physically will help you feel confident. You already know what your problem is and why it happened, now it's time to think how you can change it. Good luck!

[talaniman]

Just as you make up things in your head from the baggage of the past, make up more positive things to tell yourself. In that way you can unpack your baggage, and be more proactive in your own healing.

It also helps to not give in to those negative feelings by thinking before you act, or speak, especially when you have worked yourself up emotionally.

Then he will not have to be frustrated by your feelings, as you deal with them in more appropriate ways.

Positive self talk
Reign in your imagination.
Unpack your emotional baggage through positive self talk.
Control impulsive emotional behavior,
Do good things for yourself, are ways to deal with your insecurities.

[mawtom]

The only thing that will change this is confidence in yourself. How old are you?

[sadgirl1984]

I am 26 years old , he is younger than me ,he is 25 years old ,
We work together ,there are a lot of girls ,yes I know they are not prettier than me but also I know I'm not the perfect one not because I'm not pretty but its inside me ,I always feel bad when I don't trust him specially when he is doing nothing ,
But I'm always afraid he might leave me one day because I dun want to get anymore hurts ,and the most thing that can hurt me is cheating and deceiving , we've been together now for 8 month we always feel happy together ,he was never bored of me even when I do stupid things ,but the last month we had a lot of issues we've been fighting for 1 month ,and I started everything as I wanted to break up but that was not what I actually wanted , but I don't want to continue without no hope specially that he is not ready for anything serious now as marriage and he told me that from the very beginning and I accepted the fact that he is not ready as I appreciated that and I never talked about this because I am not going to stress on him on something like that , but I don't feel comfortable at all because I want to do everything in the light , I don't want to be afraid and I don't know if he thinks I am the one he want to spend his life with I know nothing and he know that I'm thinking of this he can always read my mind, but I can never talk about something like that I'm not that young I am 26 years old, I don't think of marriage because og my age but I want to live my life before getting old in front all of people without any scares that he might leave me , I do know that marriage is not a solution because he might get bored while we are married, I always have the idea of nothing last forever even love we forget we meet new people,
But I don't be again the girl who just lives with phases in her life to get hurt every now and then because nothing last ,
People don't have loyalty to each other it is so rare now,
May be he also need to say things and do more things to comfort me but sometimes he do things that makes me confused , sometimes he don't like saying what he feel , he can't express himself sometimes ,I do appreciate this sometimes, but I also need this ,
I want him to know the things he don't know but I can't talk to him about specific things , I don't know how to start

[talaniman]

Its only been 8 months and honestly that's not enough time to know someone really well, nor enough time to build the bonds that lead to good communications to be honest about it.

This is a time to enjoy the experience of getting to know someone and find out if there is something there to build on. Not criticizing what, and how they do what they do.

I think you have become way to attached, much to fast, and have some unrealistic expectations, and a fatalistic view of life, love, and relationships. You are trying too hard to make something, rather than relaxing, and enjoying it for what it is. An opportunity to enjoy yourself with another person.

We all do dumb stupid things sometimes, but we do get over it. I think you have never healed, and gotten that bad taste out of your mouth from past cheating and betrayal, so your just looking for it to happen again. Thats often the case when we have been hurt, but not taken the time to heal properly, and regain our confidence and trust in ourselves.

Do so now, though its really difficult when we are trying to cope with a new relationship. Its almost impossible, but can be done with a lot of hard work by YOU, on YOURSELF.

[mawtom]

Well I would not be contemplating marriage with anyone I've known for 8 months. Is this your first boyfriend? Short answer would work for me.

[sadgirl1984]

He is not my first boy friend , I knew a lot of guys, I've been through a lot of relatioships , I lived my life without thinking about the future but at the end of it nothings happens I just get hurt and betrayal , and I don't want marriage for the concept of marriage but we both want to be together most of the time having our privacy and that can't happen , I never talked about marriage to him.. its all about that I want to fell secure , I am not in a cultural that I can live free with my boy friend , and I don't care about people but even when we any place people stare without even touching me , we are not that open minded I am from the middle east we have to follow a lot of things , our religion, our habits,
And people here before doing anything they think how people might judge them,
But for me I'm always emotional I don't care about any one but I don't like hearing a word that I don't like from strange people , do you understand what I mean ,
And if we are going to talk about marriage I'm the one who is not ready to be a wife and responsible I know it's a life time plan and its not that easy to take a step like this but at the same I don't know what to do and I don't even mind living with him without marriage .
There are just a lot of complicated things inside me , and my problem is I really love that guy and I never had such feelings for anyone before , and my problem is whenever we have a clash I don't explain why I am doing this ,
Once before we were about to get arrested because we were kissing in the car , I didn't get angry on him but at the same time I created a problem on a different thing ,
Nothing happened I wanted to fight I was really angry inside me , and he never stopped doing that and at the same time he is not even thinking of a soultion,
I didn't like because I didn't happen only once but it happened a lot of times , this is one of the issues with him.
It may seem to you crazy but if you were me you will understand what I'm talking about.

[talaniman]

You are old enough to be in better control of your emotions, as they affect how you relate, and interact with your world, and the people in it.

I am emotional myself, and sometimes I don't understand the feelings, or where they come from, but over the years I have at least been able to give thoughts to my words, and actions, before I act on them.

It takes a lot of practice, and counting to 10, or a million if that's what's needed. Better start now.

[positiveparent]

It seems you're looking for something that might not be there, but if you keep on showing him mistrust then you'll end up driving him into another girls arms.

Work on positive thinking, when you get these thoughts of him so say cheating on you, tell yourself, you're being silly and that its all in your head.

Look into yourself and see if you can find what it is that makes you have these irrational thoughts.

If you want this relationship to go anywhere you really do have to learn to like yourself more and control these thoughts, if they come into your head, change them think of something happy.

The most quick way to drive someone away from you is to not trust them, no one wants to feel they're not believed or trusted.

Try saying the following affirmations to yourself on a daily basis, print them off and keep them where you can see them and keep saying any you think apply to you.


I am.
I am a good person.
I am loved.
I am love.
I am worthy of prosperity.
I am worthy of abundance.
I am worthy of joy.
I am worthy of happiness.
I am perfect health.
I am perfect order.
I am always successful.
I am mentally clear.
I am responsible for my life.
I am responsible for my life only.
I am free to choose the direction of my life.
I am choosing the direction of my life.
I am in control of my life.
I am in control of my life only.
I am blessing everyone and everything in my life.
I am safe and secure.
I am completely safe and secure.
I am forgiven.
I am forgiving all others.
I am at peace with myself.
I am at peace with the world.
I am open to all knowledge.
I am letting the knowledge reveal truth.
I am open to all truth.
I am open only to truth.
I am living in truth.
I am truth.
I am in my perfect career now.
I am being myself.
I am open to my perfect loving partner now.
I am open to let my life's purpose reveal itself to me now.
I am ready to receive my good.
I am courage.
I am whole.
I am eternal.
I am living in eternity now.
I am living in the present now.
I am loving myself.
I am loving all others.
I am providing good in this world.
I am allowing good into all phases of my life.

[honeysassy]

OMG! We aree the same! I have the same problem too! I cannot trust him at all no mater what he do. He tried everything and he's still trying now so I could trust him but nothing seems to be working. I have been hurt in the past so many times before too. Because I cnt trust him at all I broke up with him so many times but he keeps begging and crying and talked to my dad and even tried to kill himself in front of me but I still don't trust him. But now Im just trying to think positive. And I always think of the effort that he did.He did everything just so he could be with me. And iknow he loves me because I feel it and he proves it. You should think positive and neva think that there's someone better than you out there. If you want your relationship to work then make effort to trust him. Trust me it will work just think positive. :)

[gonzalez1992]

I have insecurity issues too... ive been lied to and hurt tons.. so I just started dating this guy that I've always liked.. and I always think he's making excuses when he's not. So best thing to do is, no one is guilty till you seen it with your own two eyes and can prove it. If you want it to work out, trust him. If you don't have trust, you don't have anything. I'm learning all that.