[Sugarcoat]

My fiancé had an affair with an underage (by 10 days) female. She is very promiscuous and has a fiancé and young child of her own. I would be first to put all blame on him, being the "adult" in the situation, but after discussing the matter with them both, I've come to realize she initiated everything. Which doesn't mean anything I'm sure. But now that she is telling everyone she doesn't know who the father of the child is I want to know a few things:
What kind of repercussions does my fiancé face for sleeping with a minor now that she is 18. With or without proof? How does this effect him?
Can paternity testing be court ordered in the state of Oklahoma? If so, what if he refuses? And should he be held in contempt of court for not submitting, what does that mean for him?
I understand signing over your rights as a father has nothing to do with financially and emotionally supporting this child... but we both need to know our rights.
(Her parents have already decided to gain custody of the soon to be born child because she cannot "take care of the child she does have") She is refusing adoption which was our suggestion. I know this seems heartless, but we would like to walk away from this disaster.
Mom's daughters have put 3 known men in jail for statutory rape. Yes they are adult men and should have known better... but in this world, it is sad, but not impossible for an underage female to purposefully cause this despicable problem. ( yes it's silly, but she didn't like me and so she slept with my boyfriend )
Please advise. This is tearing our family apart!

[asking]

Sugarcoat,
I am not going to sugarcoat my answer. None of this matters if he is not your fiancée. Run!

Do not marry this man. If he has this much baggage already, your whole life will be one crisis after another. (He will find other irresistible teenage girls.)

If this girl is as bad as you are saying she is, your boyfriend should have had enough sense to steer clear of her. (Don't marry a man with no common sense.) If she's not that bad, then he's not giving you the whole story. Who is the ultimate source for the worst information you supposedly have about her?

Men (including your fiancee) ARE responsible for where they put their penises and whether said penis is covered with a condom. There is no "but."

Also, did he sleep with her WHILE you and he were engaged or otherwise a couple? If so, dump him. It doesn't even matter whether this teenager likes you or hates you, loves your boyfriend, has sisters or if other men have gone to jail on their account. Don't be distracted from the basic fact that your boyfriend stepped out on you and is giving you 10 reasons it's not his fault instead of taking responsibility for it. And don't try to help him solve the problem he created. That's his job.

Good luck, dear. None of this is your fault. Do take a step back and think about what's best for you.

I would be first to put all blame on him, being the "adult" in the situation, but...

Yes they are adult men and should have known better... but...

[Sugarcoat]

I've actually been in a situation too familiar to the one I am in now. I've been married for seven years and divorced. Unfortunately, this man is not the scum in this situation. She took out her hatred for me on my family and love life. Her own mother knows she's dangerous. She's actually not all there herself and I want to know if I'm looking at the man in my life going to jail in a few years should her mother decide to press charges. Is this possible now that she's 18? If I was able to give you full background and our life stories, I would. I know my situation doesn't sound likely, but if you can just assume that I have done plenty of research, and my man isn't the dirtbag I just made him out to be... am I going to be paying for his mistake down the line?

[cdad]

First off. As far as court ordered DNA goes. He can't refuse. If he does then they will put him in jail until he changes his mind.

Also age of consent in Oklahoma is 16.

Ref:

State Laws on Age Requirements and Sex

http://www.ageofconsent.com/oklahoma.htm

[Sugarcoat]

That's ALL I know. Age of consent. And how they will put him in jail until he changes his mind. Okay, so he agrees to the paternity test. Can he go to jail for sleeping with said minor should her mother press charges? Minor is now 18

[cdad]

I've actually been in a situation too familiar to the one I am in now. I've been married for seven years and divorced. Unfortunately, this man is not the scum in this situation. She took out her hatred for me on my family and love life. Her own mother knows she's dangerous. She's actually not all there herself and I want to know if I'm looking at the man in my life going to jail in a few years should her mother decide to press charges. is this possible now that she's 18? If I was able to give you full background and our life stories, I would. I know my situation doesn't sound likely, but if you can just assume that I have done plenty of research, and my man isn't the dirtbag I just made him out to be....am I going to be paying for his mistake down the line?

If he is old enough to know better then he is at fault. And yes if he was already with you and spoken for then he is scum for allowing it to happen. You shouldn't sugar coat this for him. And if this is an example of how he is going to treat you in the future and you find it acceptable now then yes your going to be paying for it later in some way shape or form.

[cdad]

That's ALL I know. Age of consent. And how they will put him in jail until he changes his mind. Okay, so he agrees to the paternity test. Can he go to jail for sleeping with said minor should her mother press charges? Minor is now 18

Check the links I posted. Unless he was messing with her before she was 16 then it doesn't look like he has too many worries. Plus if she already has a child or children she knew full well what was going on at the time. And so did he!!

[Fr_Chuck]

She was not 18 but she was above the age of consent, and of course I did miss his age, which is a little different if he is 25 or if he is 50 with a "almost" 18 year old.

I guess he could refuse to take the test, but the judge would start with fine and a new order, and then just put him in jail till he agrees. Or perhaps even force him to take one.
So in real life he does not have a choice.

And in real life he should demand a test to prove if he is the father, ( he may not be of course) and if he is, he also had a duty and obligation to pay child support, ** he can not "give up his rights" but he can also just refuse to ever visit his child.

[ScottGem]

When someone posts some links in response to a question, you should go and review what is linked to. The linked pages will usually have the answers to your questions.

In this case, the law is clear. The age of consent is 16 therefore a 16 year old can legally have sex without the partner risking statutory rape charges. Oklahoma, does not have a caveat about an age gap. And it wouldn't matter how old she is now, its how old she was when the sex act took place.

And, as noted, he can't refuse a court order for a paternity test.

However, even though I understand that he was seduced and tricked, he still, WILLFULLY, dropped his pants and engaged in sexual intercourse. Therefore I agree with Asking. This man is not husband material. Based on what you said, this girl was trying to get revenge on you, therefore you were engaged at the time. Also you indicated you were married for 7 years and divorced. That would seem to make your fiancée in his late 20s or early 30s. Such a man has no business getting into a position were he could be seduced.

You are making excuses for your man. No matter what the extenuating circumstances were, no matter how much she is to blame, unless he was forcibly raped, HE DROPPED HIS PANTS! Run from this guy!

[Sugarcoat]

My fears and worries and questions are all answered. Thank you all very very much! I know everyone of you are shaking your heads... and I'm sure, are amazed at what looks like sheer ignorance, but I'm standing by him 100%, when he's wrong, and when he's right. But all of you are very correct... no matter how much she's to blame, he was 100% wrong in this instance. Thanks again very much for all your information!!

[asking]

According to the information posted by califdadof3, your fiancée cannot be charged with rape.

If your fiancée is the father, he will probably have to pay child support.

He may or may not decide to remain in contact with the teenager and her child. He may change his mind about that from time to time.

I still think he is an unsuitable spouse. There is no justification for what he did especially if, as ScottGem surmises, he is in his late 20s or early 30s. I think it is disrespectful to men generally to imply that they have no self control.

Vulnerable, angry, and confused teenage girls are a dime a dozen. She is just a girl, not a siren with magical powers. If he found this one hard to resist, I predict that other similar girls will be along with the regularity of city buses.

[Fr_Chuck]

Good luck, just honestly, if he makes another mistake with a 19 year old next month, will that also be something to accept and understand