[jaimecat]

My x boyfriend and I were together for a year. We both graduated from the same college 3 weeks ago and went back to our hometowns (hes 3 hrs away now, but will be 40 minutes away starting in Sept when I relocate for graduate school) 2 days after we graduated we had a long distance fight which ended up with him breaking up with me harshly through an email. It was messy after that- I got upset because he dumped me but also because he did it through an email- and we ended up exchanging heated emails filled with insults.

It has been 2 1/2 weeks since it happened and I finally called him today. I was scared to but I wanted closure. The first part of the conversation was painful, he said he felt towards the end of our senior year he used me and only got the courage to dump me when he was 3 hours away (we fought a lot towards the end of our relationship) I find that hard to believe, he was talking about me long term a week before he dumped me and when we didn't fight seemed really happy with me. But we do have a lot of water under the bridge I guess. He also said it was parts of my personality he didn't like and he wanted to date someone he wants to marry and he doesn't see himself marrying me. There are honestly a lot of flaws with him too but I didn't want to point them out. There were times in our rel I thought of dumping him too but there were no other good guys at our college I knew of.

The 2nd part went better- I have gone on 2 dates with a great guy who def likes me a lot. He knows I just got out of a relationship and is willing to take things slow and be patient. But there are some things about him that are off and I don't know how to explain it. I have no guy friends at home and all my girlfriends are useless with this stuff so I talked about it with him and he gave me some really great advice and said a lot of stuff. We also talked about normal stuff. He did not hint like he wanted to get off otherwise I would have; he kept talking. He said a lot of nice things about me, like I am very attractive and smart and such. I finally hinted I had to go and he said "yeah I should go too we have been talking for a long time" I did ask him if we could be friends once in the beginning of the conversation when he was saying what he didn't like about me (we ended so terribly I feel he hates me and it bugs the **** out of me) and he said no but at the end when I hinted it again and said if I could call once in awhile to ask him more stuff about the guy and he said sure.

I am very confused. I still kind of have feelings for him, I feel breaking up was the right thing to do because he does have some issues, and I want to see how things with this new guy go definitely. But I actually really liked talking to him and I prob will call again in a week or so. He def doesn't have feelings for me I think but just likes my friendship? I kind of just want to keep talking to him to show him some of the things he complained about me that I am willing to improve.

[talaniman]

That's a really bad idea. Trying to be with another guy while you want the ex to see that you had changed. Really lousy idea. Why do you have to prove you have changed when its agreed that its just friends and he is going to move on from this failed romance to another.

Let that go and focus on having fun with the new guy because you need to heal from the ex, and get on with your own life.

Yeah its hard to let it go, but he seemed very clear when he said he is looking for something else and its not you.

Continuing to have false hope, will distract, and confuse you, and keep you from giving your attention to the future, and the present, and you will be miserable when he gets a new girl, and has little time to be a friend.

[positiveparent]

I agree with the above posters comments, let this older b/f go and get on with your life, if you're hoping to make him jealous I would say it won't work, he's already stated he wants to find a girl he can marry and it isn't you.

Pull yourself up and dust yourself off and try to regain some dignity, and remember we all have flaws and what appeals to one man/boy won't appeal to another, learn to be the best you you can be for yourself, and you'll eventually find you attract people to you who like you for you, and you for them.

Move onwards and upwards, and learn from the past relationships.

I would also say start trying to take people for themselves don't nit pick, no ones perfect.

[Cat1864]

Don't jump from one relationship into another one. You are barely three weeks out of your last relationship and trying to figure out how to make a new one work with someone you have had two dates with. That isn't taking it slow. Have fun. Don't have long term expectations. Don't turn this male into a summer fling who gets pushed aside in September when you move closer to your ex.

Leave your ex to his own life and live your own. I highly doubt you would want him asking you for relationship advice so he could get together with another female.

Meet more men. You don't have to date every male you get to know.

Give yourself a chance to fully heal.

[ZoeMarie]

There were times in our rel I thought of dumping him too but there were no other good guys at our college I knew of.

Ok, you don't just wait to dump people until someone better comes along, first off. It IS OK to be single. If you're second guessing a relationship, there's no reason to be wasting his/your time.

Secondly, seeing how you just broke up 2 1/2 weeks ago and you're asking for relationship advice from him? Really? I'm not trying to be rude here, but take a step back and re-evaluate the situation. That's not what an ex is for. Especially such a recent ex. It's hard to be friends with an ex right after a break-up, let alone ask him for advice on a guy you're dating.

[jaimecat]

Yes I did second guess the relationship during college, but I really do want to be with him now.

However I think I now have to accept its over. I think he's made it quite clear he doesn't want to be with me and prob because of that he had no problems talking about me dating another guy. In fact, when I asked him for advice I said I understood if he didn't want to and he didn't care at all. Maybe because he wants me to move on from him.

I just don't want to give up talking to him. I think Id be fine if I continuing talking to him and it wouldn't affect me from moving on. He was just a great part of my life and I would like to be friends is all.

And I don't have long term expectations for the new guy. I explained I got out of a relationship and such and that us dating we would need to take it slow/be casual for awhile because I don't want to use him as a rebound... and he understands and is fine with that.

And no I wasn't nit picking the guy, there were some obvious weird things off the bat with him but I don't want to judge too much and give him a chance but I do think I won't be talking about him to my ex anymore.

[jaimecat]

My boyfriend of a year dumped me a month ago. It happened 5 days after we became long distance. We both graduated from the same college and went back to our hometowns. He is 3 hrs away from me now but will be 45 minutes starting in Sept when I relocate for graduate school.

It was nasty and messy breakup. There was drama (although the breakup occurred after a long distance fight I think it was the distance that made him change his mind because the 2 days before he ended ot when I visited him he acted like everything was perfectly fine) He has a temper (and knows it) and a big ego (though he says the ego is due to low self esteem really)

2 weeks after the breakup on the phone he said all sorts of mean things to me, he was acting pissed, so I'm wondering if he really meant all those things (during our rel due to his temper during fights he said mean things but later said he didn't mean them but it wasn't long distance then, more covnenient) But clearly it is over since he said things like he didn't like me and I'm not the one. He also told me his mother had a serious talk with him about his temper and he said he felt very depressed about it for awhile.
Also, on the phone I have been on a few dates which I told him about (he didn't care, he actually even gave me advice about it) Im not seeing the guy anymore though, which he doesn't know because I haven't talked to him since.

In the past month since we broke up, I created a Twitter account (to follow my fave celebs) and saw he had one and then added him. He added me back and wrote back something kind of mean/but could have been joking to a tweet I wrote. I didn't understand it though, so I retweeted back "whats that? I dunno what that is" He blocked me then. I called and left him a voicemail about it the next day and he called back with him being mean and in 40 secs saying to never ever call him again.

He added me a week later on Twitter. I never added him back though. I thought maybe he added me accidentally or didn't notice, but its been 2 weeks so I think he would have noticed by now. I only updated my twitter once 5 days ago with tweets. I recently got into a modeling agency, a local one just for extra money because I can't find a job, and my model obsessed cousin asked me about it ( he can't see her profile )
I tweeted "Thanks....Models Inc* in *here* No its not a full time thing Ill send you my portfolio when Im done" I was thinking he'd block me again when he saw my name on his newsfeed, he didn't though. However, I checked it today for the first time in awhile and he wrote 2 new tweets saying:


"Just seen the trailer 4 the new " predator" movie. It set off my endorphins. I admit im a fan boy, i would take any woman to see this movie"
"Just to let everyone know. I like to take women to a movie that they will not be interested in. So that way theyre thinking about me and not the feature film"

Also note, my ex is only following 7 people on Twitter and Im the only girl he's following and no girls are following him- they are all his guy friends. Im thinking he's
1) jealous since he thinks Im seeing someone new and is mad he doesn't have someone new (not because he still likes me)
2) if he even reads my Tweets, might have noticed something about being a model (he is quite vain himself, but I swear Im only doing it for money Im not even enjoying it so far)
3) doing it to try to hurt me

[CarrotTalker]

Sounds like he still has the same anger and ego problems that caused you grief in your relationship.

He dumped you, he should be working to rebuild your trust and the relationship. Instead he is talking about other girls. Does that sound like someone who is genuinely interested in you?

Stop wasting your time following him or checking up on what he is doing, go full NC, block him on twitter and continue enjoying your life and your new modeling opportunities.

[Cat1864]

This thread will probably be merged with this one:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ip-478604.html

Bottom line: he can't play games if you don't let him.

Most of the time we recommend No Contact for a reason (and it looks like I need to add Twitter to my list of things to delete). If you have no contact with him, you stand a better chance of getting your life back on the right track and healing.

Live your own life totally ignore that he exists.

[positiveparent]

I agree with above posters advice, give it up, he dumped you and that's his loss, if you go NC you'll find your life will take a new direction.

Also focus on your modelling or studies, just think how green he will go if you make it to the top, and one day in a few years he sees you staring down at him from a bill board...

Getting accepted into modelling is not to be sneezed at..

[talaniman]

As long as your in some sort of contact, you will always be wondering what the freak a text, or a tweet means. Does that sound like your healing? Letting go and moving on? Building a life that you enjoy? Or does that sound like someone that can't accept being dumped, and is still wrapped up in the life of an ex?

What you have is not even a resemblance to friendship, or acceptance, but is an obvious case of denial.

Quote by Jaimecat,
I just don't want to give up talking to him. I think Id be fine if I continuing talking to him and it wouldn't affect me from moving on. He was just a great part of my life and I would like to be friends is all.

Its obvious you can't see that its not going to happen that way, as long as you keep playing this friendship BS, and don't allow yourself to heal properly. Its NOT him, its YOU! Please stop!!

[positiveparent]

Sorry talaniman I have to spread the rep, again!!

I agree with your comments and suggestions entirely.

OP you must let this go and going NC is the best way to do it.

Actually it's the only way to do it, don't torture yourself for the sake of it.