[ashleighcooper1]

I really need help on how to get over someone here :( I was with my boyfriend for 8 months, and totally fell for him. It seemed perfect. When we split up, I was devastated, and went to my best friend for comfort. I cried on her shoulder and slept at her house many of times to try and take my mind off him. I'd tell her how much I was still in love with him, and how I missed him, and wanted him back. She even tried to talk to him, and ask him how he still felt about me. Then a month later, I found on Facebook that they were in a relationship with each other, and it killed me.

She didn't even tell me that she liked him, or mention to me that she wanted to get to know him better. When I rang her up in tears to ask her what was going on, I said "Thank you, very much for that!" and she just said, "oh, you're welcome".
She's now blocked me off every messenger thing that she had me on, and we've blocked each other from our lives. But I am still in love with this boy, and I am distraught on what she has done to me.

How do I move on?

[kctiger]

WOW! This is just terrible! I am really sorry to hear all of this, what a nightmare.

Moving on is a process, so there isn't really a specific step you take, other than to get some new friends who don't do things like this!

Read the stickies in the relationship forum for starters. They will help you a lot. People like this aren't worth your time or energy of being mad at them.

So, my advice to you: start getting yourself together a piece at a time. You deserve to be happy, and that all starts with determination.

[Jake2008]

That is a double whammy, and no wonder you are distraught.

I can't imagine how betrayed you must have felt, from the friend you thought you could count on.

Take a deep breath, and realize that moving on is something that isn't going to happen without you first helping yourself. It is a hard process to be dumped, especially when you didn't see it coming, and when you were still in love at the time. It is a shock, mentally and physically.

Allow yourself time. That is your best friend right now. Time to let it all sink in, and time to accept that you have lost two people you fully trusted; and to realize they are not the people you thought they were.

Think of grieving a death, because this is the death of a relationship, and the death of a friendship.

In time you will accept that this has happened, and that there is nothing you can do. Let the reality sink in, and think about how you are going to handle it.

If you are angry, sad or depressed, confused, etc. get a diary and start writing out your thoughts, which will be fueled by all those emotions. Don't stew- try your best to put your feelings and thoughts into words, and let them flow by writing them out.

As you do that, you really are beginning to heal, although it may not feel like it right away. Every time you feel yourself sliding into that place that overwhelms you, get out the diary and start writing. If it is thoughts of her, things you remembered, or things you realized or didn't realize, write them out. You will start painting a different and more realistic person of who she really is, not who you thought she was.

The same with your boyfriend. He too is not the person you thought he was, and write things out when you think of him; the betrayal, the good times, the bad times, things not making sense, your anger, etc. You will also begin to see him in a different light.

All of this will contribute to your healing. And it will take time, and probably volumes, to lay it all down. It is the story of two relationships that you need to come to terms with.

Eventually, you will see past and beyond what has happened to you, and realize that you need to chart your own life again. When you read what you have written, you will grow and learn from the clues you will pick up. Perhaps you need to be less trusting, or to trust your instinct more. Whatever it is, you will learn, and you will move past this.

I feel terrible for you that you have taken such a blow. But, you are seeking help, and that is already a sign that you need to work through this, and a good sign at that.

Keep busy, write your heart out, keep posting. Time, I promise you, will make this burden easier to absorb, and cope with. Be good to yourself, eat properly, get some exercise, and find things to keep you busy. If you are working, and thoughts come, have a notebook handy in your purse to jot down the thought, so that you can write it out in your journal when you get home.

You can do this.

Take good care of yourself in the meantime.