Check out some similar questions!

lovehurts904 · Jun 9, 2010, 01:56 PM

Well about a week ago my Girlfriend broke up with me she just moved down here a year ago in about two months from Wisconsin where her dad and her baby sister live at but she is 18 years old and I'm 17 years old in November she turns 19 well she says that she doesn't want a relationship with not just me but with ANYONE and she says she still loves me a lot and she couldn't live without me in her life we were best friends for about 5 years when she would come down to visit from Wisconsin I took her verginity at 18 but she says she doesn't want a relationship or want to be tied down by ANYONE and that she is also making a hard decision on if she wants to move back to Wisconsin and that she misses her baby sister a lot she is always talking about her but she has done this twice before said that she doesn't want to be in a relationship but after them two times I took her verginity at 18 years old and we were together for 7 months she left me the day after our 7th month but we were perfect we never fought not even a little! I don't know what's going on it doesn't make any sense? I don't want to give up but should I? And if anything she is still my best friend ever how do I tell her that? I've been told by my dad and a couple good friends that "If you love her, let her go. If she comes back - shes yours. If she doesnt - never was." is that a true quote? I'm so confused I want her back more than anything! Do you think there is another guy I don't. But I have been cheated on twice in the only other two real relationships I was in so I can't help but think about that?

redhed35 · Jun 9, 2010, 02:10 PM

She has told you she does not want a relationship,for your own mental health and emotional well being you need to take that as fact.

Starting no contact as soon as possible will give you some head space,right now,it would seem thoughts of her are talking up all of your head space.

Give her what she wants,continue talking to your friends and family,they can support you,and you need that.

Breakups are hard,they can hurt like hell,but you will recover.

No contact includes,text,phone,her family members,her circle of friends and any social network sites.

If I can suggest reading the stickies in the relationship forum,there are loads of stories similar to yours and how others coped and got through.

DoulaLC · Jun 9, 2010, 02:43 PM

So sorry you are going through this... break-ups, especially when you don't want them, are never easy.

Maybe she has decided that the two of you are better off as close friends and nothing more. She may want to be free to date others at some point, even if she isn't interested in anyone right now.

The fact that she isn't sure where she wants to be living obviously also plays a role. It is difficult to maintain a long distance relationship.

What your dad and friends say can sometimes be true. But it takes both people in the relationship to want to keep it going and they have to have the same level of commitment for it to work. At the same time you need to consider, if she does leave... how long are you willing to wait and see if she returns again? You don't necessarily have to give up... stay in contact, keep the friendship, but you also might not want to put your own life on hold waiting for her.

Who knows what time will bring. Maybe things will come together and the timing will be right for the two of you... or you may find she remains a really good friend, who was a very important part of your life at one time, as you meet someone new who is at the same place as you of wanting a relationship.

positiveparent · Jun 10, 2010, 06:03 AM

I would say that this girl is not yet wanting or ready for a long term or even short term relationship,

Yes I believe that the old addage of if you love someone let them go, if they come back great if not you never had them to begin with.

However on the other hand don't let her boomerang you, throw you then have you go back if and when it suits her.

Go out meet other girls or find things to do other than sit and contemplate what if, or will she won't she, day after day.

You could do something to keep your mind off this girl, by getting busy.

Maybe there is someone else she's interested in, so go out find someone who is interested in you, I think this girl is trying to let you down lightly.

Also isn't it illegal for people in your country to have sex under the age of 18?

Also you can only take someone's virginity once.

positiveparent · Jun 10, 2010, 06:14 AM

You have already posted this question on this board. Please don't ask same questions more than once.

talaniman · Jun 10, 2010, 06:32 AM

I think your dad and your friends are right, you have to let her go, and do your own thing. Break ups suck like hell, especially when you really care, and even worse when you have been such good friends before.

You just need a proper healing, and that's all about cutting all contact until you heal, for however long it takes.

A word to the wise here, trying to be a friend while your heart is broken is a fools game and will torture you both and ruin any friendship you had. Don't go there, and things will work out later.

I doubt she is cheating, but may have to many things on her mind about herself, or her life, that makes her not want a relationship with you. It happens all the time, feelings change, and it will probably happen again.

So use this experience to learn to cope with loss through the healing process, and carry on with your life. Never know what will happen next, so be ready for anything.

lovehurts904 · Jun 10, 2010, 03:36 PM

Well she is still my best friend I don't want to start No contact she leaves on the 23rd today. I didn't call her or nuttin at all and she actully text me! Around 4'oclock for the first time since we broke up? I usually text her but haven't for almost 2 days nobody thinks she just needs to think about things and clear her head? Please help?

DoulaLC · Jun 10, 2010, 03:46 PM

I know this is a really rough time. Maybe she does just need some time apart to figure out what she wants to do. Maybe you will end up back together... maybe not. You do need to respect her wishes and give her the space and time she asks for.

I know that is not easy, and it doesn't mean you have to end all conversation with her, but at the same time you want back off enough. She may come to realize that she misses spending time with you... she may come to realize that she doesn't really and the ending the boyfriend/girlfriend part of the relationship was a good and necessary move. While that would be hard for you, ultimately it would be a very giving thing on your part to allow her to see if that is the case. I am sure that, even if it means breaking-up and causing you pain for now, her being happy is what you would want, correct?

If it turns out that way... you will move on and feel better about it in time. Unfortunately you will have to go through the journey to that point like everyone else. There is no shortcut. Try to keep busy... hang out with friends and family. Do something new that you would like to try. Focus on your work... anything, and the healing will take place. I promise!

talaniman · Jun 10, 2010, 03:51 PM

I know nothing of what she needs, but she obviously told you what she wants so, so its pretty clear what you do. Accept it!

Time will tell the rest. So stop looking for reasons, excuses, and false hope.

lovehurts904 · Jun 10, 2010, 04:38 PM

Thank you you actully being able to ask questions and at least get a answer has helped me a lot from my mind just wondering and thinking about her and the worst. But that last answer from Talaniman was kind of mean made me feel like . But when I am close to contacting her and making things worse I just write on here and you have really helped please continue to help me when I talk about her? Its hard for me to really talk to the people I know I don't live in that kind of place. And she is the only person I've ever actully really loved and its still hard for me to let go.

talaniman · Jun 10, 2010, 04:51 PM

but that last answer from Talaniman was kind of mean made me feel like SH!T!

she is the only person I've ever actully really loved and its still hard for me to let go.

I know it's the hardest thing you have ever done, and I do have sympathy for your situation, I understand, the shock and disapointment of a break up, it sucks, Been there, done that, MANY TIMES! It sucks every time. That's what makes you feel like sh1t, not my words, harsh though they may be. Consider it a cyber slap, to wake you from the shock, and keep you off the pity pot!

lovehurts904 · Jun 10, 2010, 05:37 PM

Well there is kind of already another girl that really seems like she is interested we had crushes on each other when we were really young but distence kept us apart. But I don't know if I want to try this again just yet when I think about it I think my heart breaks even more? I still want to give my ex some time to think?

And thank you talaniman I do apprciate it a lot!