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confused4910 · Jun 7, 2010, 04:43 PM

My dad just passed away about two weeks ago. It's a really tough pill to swallow because he was such a strong man. He had been fighting cirrohois of the liver for the past 5 years. It wasn't the cirrohois or the liver that killed him.. but a heart attack.
About 6 months ago, I caught my mom having an affair with a guy in a motel while my dad was in the hospital. She told me she wasn't going to talk to the guy anymore and me being in denial.. believed her.. 4 months later the night before Easter I catch her on the phone with her "friend." I couldn't take it anymore, she was being so fake to my dad who was ill and just needed her support. I told her to be honest with me and she told me that she wasn't talking to this "friend".. again a lie. So I told her if she didn't tell my dad then I would.
I told my dad that she's been having an affair.. I just didn't think it was fair that she would drive his vehicals that he's paying for, use his cell phone , and charge gas to his account (to go see her "friend") it wasn't fair. My mom has never had to work a day in her life because my dad gave her everything.. and now he was sick and just needed her support and love.
She ended up walking out on our family, which included my baby sister 7, other sister 14, and brother 17, and of course my dad who needed help.
My mom was a total rip to my dad and he would cry every night for her.. I came home after college and helped my dad the best I could, all he wanted was my mom.
One day, my brother had little league to help coach and our washer broke so I went over to a friends to do a load, and in the short time of being gone my dad passed away. That night at the hospital my mom was no where to be found. I made all the decisions by myself. The following day she was informed on what happened and she was with her "friend" at a get a way. My older sister and I plan the funeral and she shows no sympathy, she's not even the same mom we had 10 months ago. I don't know who she is.
I have so much angry, confusion, and sadness by all of this
All I want is an understanding..
When she gets confronted all she does is lie, and says none of this is her fault... I believe my dad died of a broken heart.

Clough · Jun 7, 2010, 05:54 PM

Hi, confused4910!

I'm so sorry for you and my sincere condolences to you and others who really loved your dad on the loss that you share! Your story just breaks my heart that this sort of thing was going on!

Did your father have a will?

I'm sure that there will be others who will come along to also address your post here.

Thanks!

Fr_Chuck · Jun 7, 2010, 06:34 PM

Let me see since you felt that your dad needed a lot more heartache and all the pain of knowing of the affair while he was deathly sick and dying, you felt it was your place to tell him about it.

I guess all I can say is "how dare you and how could you be so heartless" yes it was wrong of your mom to do it, but knowing your dad was passing, he could have been allowed to pass in some level of peace. There is a time to be hateful and to be a >>>>>> but to be very blunt, to a dying man is not always that time.

Kitkat22 · Jun 7, 2010, 06:46 PM

I'm sorry for your loss... but I think you were wrong for telling your Dad about the affair. Your mother was wrong but you should have thought about his pain and suffering before you thought and acted out of anger.
He loved your mom and no one but the two of them knew what was going on in their private lives...

confused4910 · Jun 7, 2010, 10:07 PM

My dad wasn't deathly ill when I told him, he was my everyday dad. He had doctor appt. sure but nothing to the extreme. He was fighting the cirrohois really well. But thanks for the answers.

Clough · Jun 7, 2010, 10:26 PM

Hi again, confused4910!

What's done is done and you move forward into the future!

Were you going to answer my question, please?

Thanks!

Kitkat22 · Jun 8, 2010, 10:58 AM

Your Dad knew you loved him and You'll see him again someday and please don't be to hard on yourself. We all make mistakes.

I'm sure he knew what was going on even before you told him. Husbands and wives who have been married for a long time do have that sixth sense about each other.

Let your Dad rest in peace... You can make him proud by becoming the finest man you can be and being a good role model for your siblings. That is what any parent would be proud of... Blessings