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Sue1973 · Jun 5, 2010, 07:24 AM

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I was with my ex for 3 months last year, I met him on an internet site and have since found out that he lied about his age job and probably other things. I ended the relationship because he was being nasty to my son, not violent but bullying and controlling. He hounded me for 2 months after with phone calls, texts, presents etc. That was 6 months ago and I'm 99% certain he has a girlfriend but he he has recently been texting and ringing my landline asking to see me or speak with me for a friendly chat. I have not responded but he isn't giving up. What do you think he wants? He's a ladies man and I'm fairly sure he cheated as well but I can't prove it. I haven't been out with anyone since and I know he isn't right for me but hm contacting me is stirring up feelings for him. My friends have told me to continue to ignore him or involve police.

redhed35 · Jun 5, 2010, 07:43 AM

I think your friends have given you the best advice.

You have nothing to gain by allowing this man back into your life,or your sons for that matter.

Write down the reasons you ended it,and post them where you can see them,look at your son,this guy bullied him.

What your feeling is crappy leftover feelings... go for a run,you don't need this guy,he has nothing to offer but heartache,trouble and grief.

Jake2008 · Jun 6, 2010, 08:49 AM

I agree with Red 150%- this guy is trouble.

Even considering only your son, and how he treated him, is a good indicator of this man's character and personality. Why would you consider allowing him back in your life, knowing that he would be a very strong negative influence toward him.

That he is a 'ladies man' only means that he can charm the socks off people before they realize their feet are cold. He has a need for conquest, and with the personality, likes the game and winning what, or who, he wants, but will he be the same person the day after you fall for him? Yes, he will. Creepy, aggressive, controlling, demanding, and won't take no for an answer.

You can bet your bippy that he has women on the side, and is working on new ones at the same time.

I would personally start keeping a diary of all the dates and times he contacts you. If you give him an inch, the next thing you know, he will be showing up at your work, or in his car across the street from where you live. Players don't like to lose, and you must protect yourself.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 6, 2010, 10:26 AM

I agree with both redhead and jake.
This guy is bad news come back to haunt you.
The fact that he bullied your son should be enough to convince you to leave him alone.
Document the calls and texts, continue to ignore them. If they continue, you may need to contact the police.

Sue1973 · Jun 7, 2010, 01:44 AM

Thanks for all your excellent advice on my earlier question and I know you are all right. I don't know why but I seem to be getting really down and upset over this guy and not able to move on. I seem to blaming myself. I met him on a dating site which he carried on using whilst I was seeing him. I have now signed up again and have noticed that although his profile is still there he hasn't used the site for at least 3 months. This has upset me as I have now convinced myself that he must have met someone nicer who he is really happy with and doesn't need to look on the site anymore. I know I'm just dwelling on things but I'm just struggling to move on in any way. My son is 11 and is no angel and maybe this guy was trying to help me but he did go too far. He seemed resentful of time and attention that I gave my son and he never seemed able to say anything nice to him. I don't want him back but feel hurt that he is maybe now really happy and I can't seem to move on. It must sound trivial but I'm getting really down. Please tell me what you think? Thank you

Devorameira · Jun 7, 2010, 03:41 AM

Just keep up with the NC and get out there and find someone who will love and respect you and treat your son well.

A guy who lies, has a nasty attitude, and is controlling should have no place in your life. You are better off without him.

redhed35 · Jun 7, 2010, 04:04 AM

That guy was not for you,your looking back with rose tinted glasses,he has not changed,people don't change that much,and I feel sorry for the new women (if there is one) cause she will get the same treatment.

Try and arrange a girls night in,or out,go visit family or invite them over,surround yourself with people who love you.

Your son is 11,he's on the brink of those teenage years,all kids go through a stage where you always seem to be givng out about something,that will pass.

Know you made the right decision getting rid of that man.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 7, 2010, 08:41 AM

Stop questioning yourself.
Just because he has found someone else to possibly be a butt-hole to does not mean there was something wrong with you..
You dropped him for all the right reasons.
Pat yourself on the back and move on.

Ash123 · Jun 7, 2010, 02:10 PM

two words: Stay away

talaniman · Jun 10, 2010, 09:36 AM

Read the stickies at the beginning of this forum, and they will explain a lot about what your going through.

Stay with No Contact with him.

Sue1973 · Jun 11, 2010, 03:52 AM

Thank you so much for all your answers. They have really helped me through a bad couple of weeks and I know everything you say is right. I wouldn't even consider allowing this man back into my son's life and I'm sure I will get over this stage of missing him and stay strong with the No Contact. Thanks again everyone I really appreciate it.