[readsalott]

I'm 19years old and I've been in and out of love with the same boy since I was 16. He's a year older then me. We became very close friends all through senior year of high school, but when I asked him out he turned me down saying that he valued my friendship more then dating me for a couple weeks. So I dropped it. We fell out of touch for awhile, but then this entire past school year we went to the same college and hung-out 4days a week or so. He became my best friend and supported me through some of the hardest times in my life including the death of the woman who raised me.
Here's the problem: he's a major player, likes sleeping around, and though I know he loves me and is probably even in-love with me, he isn't ready for a commitment. I know him incredibly well, and we have a brutal honesty code. We've talked about getting together, but he says he wouldn't be able to be the person I want him to be for at least a few years more. We've already made-out (intensely!) more then once and recently nearly had sex, but at the last minute he said I wasn't ready for it and he cared about me too much to lead me on. I'm still a virgin and he's the only person I've ever been intimate with in anyway... the only person I've semi-dated, kissed, or gone further with... and he knows this.
So I don't know what I should do at this point. I would love to have sex with him, but I'm afraid of losing him as a friend if I do. I'm also afraid of jeopardizing any future relationship we might have. He's transferring out to a different university this fall so I only have about a month and a half left to see him regularly. After that I won't see him again till around New Year's and then not till mid-summer. I'm also afraid he might meet someone else and I'll be left behind...

What should I do?

[roxypox]

I think that you should NOT get involved with him. Why?

1. he is a major player
2. He is a close friend
3. well... he keeps turning you down.

On the latter I feel that he actually might be sincer and that he might actually be considering to get with you.But he has been straight with you and told you that he's not at a place were he wants to get serious. At least he's been frank about it.

But at the point where you ae right now he is at a place where he likes to play around.

Personally I'd take the safe road on this one and keep him has a friend and leave the rest.

[redhed35]

You say you both have a brutally honest relationship,he's being honest,and your not accepting what he's saying to you.

He does not want a sexual relationship with you,he wants your friendship.

[jmjoseph]

I'm 19years old and I've been in and out of love with the same boy since I was 16. He's a year older then me. We became very close friends all through senior year of high school, but when I asked him out he turned me down saying that he valued my friendship more then dating me for a couple weeks. So I dropped it. We fell out of touch for awhile, but then this entire past school year we went to the same college and hung-out 4days a week or so. He became my best friend and supported me through some of the hardest times in my life including the death of the woman who raised me.
Here's the problem: he's a major player, likes sleeping around, and though I know he loves me and is probably even in-love with me, he isn't ready for a commitment. I know him incredibly well, and we have a brutal honesty code. We've talked about getting together, but he says he wouldn't be able to be the person I want him to be for at least a few years more. We've already made-out (intensely!) more then once and recently nearly had sex, but at the last minute he said I wasn't ready for it and he cared about me too much to lead me on. I'm still a virgin and he's the only person I've ever been intimate with in anyway...the only person I've semi-dated, kissed, or gone further with...and he knows this.
So I don't know what I should do at this point. I would love to have sex with him, but I'm afraid of loosing him as a friend if I do. I'm also afraid of jeopardizing any future relationship we might have. He's transferring out to a different university this fall so I only have about a month and a half left to see him regularly. After that I won't see him again till around New Year's and then not till mid-summer. I'm also afraid he might meet someone else and I'll be left behind...

What should I do??

"he might meet someone else..."

Well, it sounds like "he meets someone else" on a regular basis if he is a "major player".

You are 19. Life is going to be moving very fast for you in the next few years. Please don't make a huge mistake and lose your virginity to someone who has no interest in having any kind of commitment to you right now.

Go date other guys.

In a few years if things change, A lot, then maybe give it a shot with this guy. He can't be all bad if he actually stopped short of taking your virginity. Most guys like him (players) would have "deflowered "you, and not given it a second thought.

Keep your "gift", and give it to someone special. Someone who really cares about you, and your feelings. Love should always be involved in our "first time".

This guy is going off to college with the background of being a player. I'm sure that he isn't going to be concentrating on his GRADES right now. He is going to be a kid in a candy store. Don't be his latest "victim".

And what about STD's? How do you know that he doesn't have one? Or several?

Good luck on finding what it is that you are looking for. Because this guy isn't it.