[Anthony_]

Wife of 6 years slept with co-worker of mine. Kids are 12 and 7 and I would like full custody and be able to live in our house still. How can I get her out of the house, she won't leave?

[cdad]

Start by filing papers. Did you buy the home while you were married? Its not likely your going to get full custody. You might get the lions share but she will have visitation at a minimum.

[Kitkat22]

Start by filing papers. Did you buy the home while you were married? Its not likely your going to get full custody. You might get the lions share but she will have visitation at a minimum.

Sorry for the pain you and your children must be going through!. Kit

[Anthony_]

Yes, bought the home 4 years ago while married. I would like full custody, but realize it is probably not going to happen. Basically I don't want to be the one who has to leave the house, pay child support and alimony. I will do anything to keep that from happening. I am trying to gather evidence (phone records, recorded confession, etc.. ) to use in court against her. I feel like the court may be on her side because I work 40 - 56 hours per week and she has no job so she spends a lot more time with the kids than I. But I do hang out with the kids as much as I can. I help with homework, take them to soccer practice, coach one of the girls' teams, take them shopping, and family dinners, etc.. I spend as much time as I can with them when not working, but my wife simply spends more time because she has more time. I feel this may help her. But am not sure.

I make pretty good money at work and I think they might see that as child support. I need to know what information I should gather, what else should I get proof of and if I need to lineup another place to stay (with bedrooms for the kids) as a backup plan. I know not to leave the home, as much as I can't stand looking at my wife I know I need to stay until this is worked out. I am also going to lineup daycare, register them for school next year, and have a plan of how this can work as a single father. Any insight is appreciated, thank you so much if you can help.

[Kitkat22]

Yes, bought the home 4 years ago while married. I would like full custody, but realize it is probably not going to happen. Basically I don't want to be the one who has to leave the house, pay child support and alimony. I will do anything to keep that from happening. I am trying to gather evidence (phone records, recorded confession, etc..) to use in court against her. I feel like the court may be on her side because i work 40 - 56 hours per week and she has no job so she spends alot more time with the kids than I. But I do hang out with the kids as much as I can. I help with homework, take them to soccer practice, coach one of the girls' teams, take them shopping, and family dinners, etc.. I spend as much time as I can with them when not working, but my wife simply spends more time because she has more time. I feel this may help her. But am not sure.

I make pretty good money at work and I think they might see that as child support. I need to know what information i should gather, what else should i get proof of and if i need to lineup another place to stay (with bedrooms for the kids) as a backup plan. I know not to leave the home, as much as I can't stand looking at my wife I know I need to stay until this is worked out. I am also going to lineup daycare, register them for school next year, and have a plan of how this can work as a single father. Any insight is appreciated, thank you so much if you can help.

There are members here who are very knowledgeable in this area of law. They will see your post and you'll get some great advice... Sorry I wish I knew what to say... Kit

[jmjoseph]

I would most definitely get all the evidence of infidelity that you can. Even if you have to have her followed by an investigator.

It's sometimes tough and unfair being the male in custody cases. Especially when you are the most responsible one in the marriage. The courts usually like to keep the kids with their mothers.

Good luck to you.

[GV70]

Wife of 6 years slept with co-worker of mine. Kids are 12 and 7 and I would like full custody and be able to live in our house still. How can I get her out of the house, she won't leave?

Sorry! No way to do it now.

Yes, bought the home 4 years ago while married. I would like full custody, but realize it is probably not going to happen.

Yup!. and your ex will be entitled to all real estates.

Basically I don't want to be the one who has to leave the house, pay child support and alimony.

Sorry again but the court/judge/ is not interested of it.

I will do anything to keep that from happening. I am trying to gather evidence (phone records, recorded confession, etc..) to use in court against her. I feel like the court may be on her side because i work 40 - 56 hours per week and she has no job so she spends alot more time with the kids than I.

You are rigth again-it is your FAULT!!

I make pretty good money at work and I think they might see that as child support.

You are right-thr fed subs. Depends on how much CS is paid.

I need to know what information i should gather, what else should i get proof of and if i need to lineup another place to stay (with bedrooms for the kids) as a backup plan. I know not to leave the home, as much as I can't stand looking at my wife I know I need to stay until this is worked out. I am also going to lineup daycare, register them for school next year, and have a plan of how this can work as a single father. Any insight is appreciated, thank you so much if you can help.

Imagine that she is going to file a restraining order-believe me you will lose all.

DO NOT FORGET IN 38 STATES ADULTERY IS NOT CONSIDERED AS A FAULT!!

[JudyKayTee]

I see OP spending a lot of time and money on investigators and, in the end, as GV said, fault does not determine child support or custody. A woman can be the worst wife in the World and still be a good mother.

I'd spend the money in a good Attorney, be realistic and get out - if that is what you want.

Some marriages survive affairs; others do not. What do you want to do?

[twinkiedooter]

You need to consult with a very good divorce attorney with a situation such as yours to explore all your possible options in this instance. You may chose to not get a divorce but somehow live or coexist with this woman for some time as an alternative.

[GV70]

Grounds for Filing:
The Complaint for Divorce must declare the appropriate Virginia grounds upon which the divorce is being sought. The appropriate lawful ground will be that which the parties agree upon and can substantiate, or that which the filing spouse desires to prove to the court. The divorce grounds are as follows:

Divorce from the bond of matrimony may be decreed:

No Fault:
(1) On the application of either party if and when the husband and wife have lived separate and apart without any cohabitation and without interruption for one year. In any case where the parties have entered into a separation agreement and there are no minor children either born of the parties, born of either party and adopted by the other or adopted by both parties, a divorce may be decreed on application if and when the husband and wife have lived separately and apart without cohabitation and without interruption for six months.

Fault:
(1) For adultery; or for sodomy or buggery committed outside the marriage; (2) Where either of the parties subsequent to the marriage has been convicted of a felony, sentenced to confinement for more than one year and confined for such felony subsequent to such conviction, and cohabitation has not been resumed after knowledge of such confinement (in which case no pardon granted to the party so sentenced shall restore such party to his or her conjugal rights); (Virginia Code - Title 20 - Sections: 20-91)


Property Distribution: Since Virginia is an "equitable distribution" state, the marital property shall be divided in an equitable fashion. Equitable does not mean equal, but rather what is fair. The court will encourage the parties to reach a settlement on property and debt issues otherwise the court will declare the property award.


Marital property is (I) All property titled in the names of both parties, whether as joint tenants, tenants by the entirety or otherwise, except as provided by Subdivision A 3, (ii) That part of any property classified as marital, or (iii) All other property acquired by each party during the marriage which is not separate property . All property including that portion of pensions, profit-sharing or deferred compensation or retirement plans of whatever nature, acquired by either spouse during the marriage, and before the last separation of the parties, if at such time or thereafter at least one of the parties intends that the separation be permanent, is presumed to be marital property in the absence of satisfactory evidence that it is separate property. For purposes of this section marital property is presumed to be jointly owned unless there is a deed, title or other clear indication that it is not jointly owned. (Virginia Code - Title 20 - Sections: 20-107.3)

Spousal Support: Not all cases involve support from one spouse to the other. The obligation of one spouse to support the other financially for a temporary or permanent basis is decided on a case-by-case basis as agreed to by the parties or at the court's discretion.

The court, in determining whether to award support and maintenance for a spouse, shall consider the circumstances and factors which contributed to the dissolution of the marriage, specifically including adultery and any other ground for divorce under the provisions of subdivision (3) or (6) of § 20-91 or § 20-95.
In determining the nature, amount and duration of an award pursuant to this section, the court shall consider the following:
1. The obligations, needs and financial resources of the parties, including but not limited to income from all pension, profit sharing or retirement plans, of whatever nature;
2. The standard of living established during the marriage;
3. The duration of the marriage;
4. The age and physical and mental condition of the parties and any special circumstances of the family;
5. The extent to which the age, physical or mental condition or special circumstances of any child of the parties would make it appropriate that a party not seek employment outside of the home;
6. The contributions, monetary and non monetary, of each party to the well-being of the family;
7. The property interests of the parties, both real and personal, tangible and intangible;
8. The provisions made with regard to the marital property;
9. The earning capacity, including the skills, education and training of the parties and the present employment opportunities for persons possessing such earning capacity;
10. The opportunity for, ability of, and the time and costs involved for a party to acquire the appropriate education, training and employment to obtain the skills needed to enhance his or her earning ability;
11. The decisions regarding employment, career, economics, education and parenting arrangements made by the parties during the marriage and their effect on present and future earning potential, including the length of time one or both of the parties have been absent from the job market;
12. The extent to which either party has contributed to the attainment of education, training, career position or profession of the other party; and
13. Such other factors, including the tax consequences to each party, as are necessary to consider the equities between the parties. (Virginia Code - Title 20 - Sections: 20-95 and 10-107.1 and 20-108.1)

Child Custody: When minor children are involved in a divorce, the Virginia courts will do everything possible to help lessen the emotional trauma the children may be experiencing. If the parents cannot come to an agreement regarding the issues involving the children, the court will establish the custody order at its discretion.

Custody, whether joint or sole, will be awarded to the father or the mother or both based on the best interests of the children. There are no specific factors considered by the courts, but the following is a list of typical factors taken into consideration when determining a custody arrangement that is best for the children. These factors are, but are not limited to; the age of the children, the health of the children, the wishes of the child(ren), the parental roles of each parent, and the needs of the children. (Virginia Code - Title 20 - Sections: 20-107.2)

[GV70]

...i work 40 - 56 hours per week and she has no job so she spends alot more time with the kids than I...I make pretty good money at work...

I do not want to put you out of courage but even adultery is proven /except the adulterous acts were outrageous/in front of the children for example/ I can see only little odds for you to get sole custody.
Firstly she is the primary caregiver.
Secondly she has no a job.
As I said above /without any intentions to be rude/it is your fault not to spend more time,because " in all custody proceedings it is not enough to be the primary breadwinner"/Va Supr/