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deb4jesus · Dec 8, 2006, 09:10 PM

My 10 year old grand-daughter just told me that her dad hits her hard at times and I'm not sure what to do.I believe her,I just am having a hard time imaging this.He is a good person,no drugs or drinking.Coach of all 3 childrens: soccer teams.Gives them way too much things. Why does he think it's okay to harm his own child.He doesn't hurt her REAL BAD,but enough that she came to me.Please help
Scared grandma:confused:

talaniman · Dec 8, 2006, 09:24 PM

Be wary of what children say and investigate for yourself. True you must listen but your own exam is needed. Ask her to show you where she was hit, and how.

s2tp · Dec 8, 2006, 10:25 PM

Sometimes people can put on a very good façade... they can appear nice when they need to be, but when they can take advantage of a situation they become a different person. This can happen in many different degrees.

My own dad can be a real jerk sometimes... He starts yelling and complaining, even going so far as to be verbally abusive. But when I tell other close family and friends that he was being such an this or that time... they just don't see it. He can be such a mellow and easy going guy... but they never get to see the other side of him.

When I hear or see these stories about children being hit... I don't I see many 10 year olds making up or exaggerating stories.
I agree with talaniman to ask her how and where she was hit... and how often, and why. From there you should be able to decide what the best avenue is for you to do about this. I would like to think you could go directly to the father and ask what it is about.. but sometimes that's just not a good idea. Can you talk to the mother, or other siblings? Do you feel she is in danger? You may be able to encourage her to talk to her own dad or mom about it... I am not sure. I hope it all works out!

Best of luck!

winkiesmokey · Dec 8, 2006, 11:31 PM

You have to do something, even if it is just talking to her father and mother. If you do nothing and it gets worse or he causes serious harm you will never forgive yourself, she will also think that you do not believe her. Lots of abusive parents do things to make up for it such as buying thing and the coaching. He may not realize it is out of guilt himself. You can suggest counselling for the two of them.

Bluerose · Dec 9, 2006, 03:03 PM

First and foremost believe her. Is her father your son or your son in law? Talk to her parents, now! Even if it turns out not to be true, your granddaughter has a reason for saying this about her father, find out what that reason is. Show her that she can come to you with any problem. Trust her and if it isn't exactly true find out what is behind the lies.

Do not comfort her from your purse, comfort her from your heart. Just one way to make sure she is not fishing for some material gain. And simply keep your eyes and ears open.

deb4jesus · Dec 10, 2006, 07:20 AM

:)
Hi,this is Deb4Jesus.I am thankful there is a place like this that people can go to for help about anything.
All of the answers I received were great.
I did however have a very difficult time believing that my son-in-law would strike my granddaughter as she had told me, so I went to my daughter.My daughter saw the bruises.She first confronted her daughter about them,she claimed she couldn't remember why he hit her.My daughter then went after her husband(by phone,he works alot).He told her they all(3 children)were wrestling with him and she fell off the bed.He said he may have punched her arm too hard causing this small bruise(I know it's crazy the way they play,but they do)but the one on her side he did not do.
After further disccusion with my grand-daughter I found this out to be true. She does say he plays too rough sometimes!There are 2 other children,4&5.These are chubby little ones.My 10 year old is tall and thin.She doesn't have the 'meat' to protect the hard hits.
Maybe parents shouldn't play like this--but now a days when there are so many children just ignored I find it very comforting to know that he spents quality time with them.
As I had said he coaches their soccer,which has him around many children.This is a good man.I really had a hard time accepting her story but did not question her as my daughter did, so I jumped to conclusions.
My grand-daughter e-mailed her dad from my computer to let him know how much she loved that he played with them.Let him know she never what's him to be too busy(like so many of her friends),never wants him to leave.She did however ask him to remember that during rough housing that she is a skinny girl and it does hurt at times when they play and this she doesn't enjoy.
I can only thank God that he does not abuse my girl.Believe me,he is like our son and this would really hurt the whole family had this been true.
I can only pray that someone read answers to my post that may have helped them.
Bless each and everyone of you. Thanks, Deb4Jesus

talaniman · Dec 10, 2006, 07:50 AM

I love happy endings:)

Bluerose · Dec 10, 2006, 01:16 PM

I love happy endings too. And you were right to make enquiries. Listen to her, and check that the rough housing has calmed down a bit. What about the other two, they are only young and may not be able to speak up. They might have some 'meat' on their bodies but they could also be quite uncomfortable with it. Not every child likes rough housing.

s_cianci · Dec 10, 2006, 03:55 PM

Is there any physical evidence (bruises, etc.) to substantiate your granddaughter's claims? I'm not saying that she's lying but things like this have to be approached with genuine concern for the child, coupled with sufficient restraint from acting upon these reports until you acquire the evidence to back them up. Is there an independent 3rd party who can substantiate (or discredit) these claims (such as a neighbor or teacher?) You might want to speak with one of them and get their perspective on it. Is there a mother in the picture? What does she have to say about it? Try to investigate the matter on your own before acting on it.