[LaneChance2712]

I feel like I have made the right decision but every now and then I get these thoughts that maybe I was too narrow minded or harsh. From this forum , I have gathered that this is a fairly common situation these days ,unfortunately.

Here goes, long post but would appreciate some feedback and thoughts.
In the middle of my final year as a senior in college, I met a girl who was a junior . Had seen here around quite a lot in the last year and had a little crush on her although never talked to her or showed any interest whatsoever. Extremely good-looking girl, the kind that gets shown a lot of interest in by guys.

But we ended up in the same class for a semester and she showed an extremely high level of interest in me. First few meetings she was all over me in class, holding my hand , leaning against me , constantly telling me how cute she thought I was. We started hanging out a lot more, I asked her if she had a boyfriend, she said she didn’t. Things were good although apart from holding hands and a few hugs and kisses on the cheek, nothing more intimate happened. I took her out for a couple of dinner and movie dates, and at the end of the semester , there was a month long break during which I went to the other half of the country and she stayed on campus to do a holiday research project. During that month or so, apart from one phone call there was no contact.
During the last semester, I came back and called her, and she was cold and distant and it was completely different with her time. Hung out a few times but it was extremely formal with almost zero interest level from her. Anyway I decided to call it quits as I had a lot on my mind due to other stuff. Three weeks later, a common friend told me that she was having problems with her long term boyfriend and that they had been together for 4 years. Although it was a long distance thing as her boyfriend worked in another country for the time being
I randomly ran into her and she was looking really messed up and told me she broke up with her boyfriend, and when I confronted her saying that you had told me you didn’t have boyfriend, she said flat out that you should have known. She also then showed me his picture that she carried around in her wallet. I excused myself , and had absolutely no contact with her for a month.
A month later ,she calls me and says she wants to meet. We started hanging out after this, more like friends, she opened up and told me that her boyfriend had trust issues ( DUH !) , and issues with the way she dresses when she goes out . I did my best to avoid her but she was EXTREMELY persistent ,calling me 10 times a day , texting constantly. I gave in eventually and started treating her like a princess ( big mistake in retrospect). I spent a fair amount of money on her , even when she insisted that I shouldn’t. For a couple of months we spent the entire day together, but there was no intimate physical contact but she eventually showing a little bit of possessiveness , getting jealous when she thought I flirted with other girls. During this time, I was the only guy that she spent time with.
I really started developing feelings for her and she told me she was now over her ex. We then progressed a little further, had some intimate physical contact though never to the point of an actual relationship. EVERY time she initiated. During spring break, she went back to her home town ( where her exboyfried was at the time) and she had no contact with me for 3 weeks. She comes back , says that they met a few times and socially acted like a couple a few times but it was over now. I got a little pissed off and started showing even less interest in her but she became extremely persistent. Eventually I gave in and this time we started acting like a couple. Last two months in college, we she told me she loved me and all that . She started hanging out a lot with me and my other guy friends. I told her that I liked her and wanted to make this work and was careful never to reveal to her that I had strong feelings for her.
She on the other hand was EXTREMELY into me though it felt artificial. As I found out, she starting confiding in my BEST friends, crying to them and telling them how much she missed her ex boyfriend. She also told her friends that there was nothing going on between me and her, although I found out about this after the end of college.
Last few weeks at college (I was going away to another country for work) we became really serious, eventually when I left she told me while crying that we have to make this work, and that the distance should not end our relationship.
I went away and she went to her hometown for the summers, I found out the stuff about her crying and confiding to my friends and all that and initiated NO CONTACT with her for 5 months. During this time she called , facebooked and texted me but I only replied a few times and completely cut her out. Moreover I discovered that she had been promiscuous in college and had actually while a bit drunk made out with a friend of mine who she just met ( THAT WAS BEFORE I HAD MET HER ) but if she was with her longtime boyfriend then obviously she cheated on him. That friend of mine told me to stay away from this girl and I took his advice.
6 months and no contact, she calls me and she came to my hometown for a day visit and we met for an hour it was cordial and formal. She starts calling me obsessively after this and tells me she wants to be my girlfriend and is sorry for the past. I fell for it again.
She goes back to college for the last semester and I to the country I work in. We made it work, this time , skyping for hours, talking for hours , and every time she called me . Its not like she was a loner at college, had a lot of options and friends. She could easily find a boyfriend ( better looking than me )at college but her interest in me this time was sky rocketing. Telling me how much she cares about me , loves me and wants to be with me. She also started talking about getting engaged and married.
Anyway I gathered my together and connected the dots and came to the conclusion that she will inevitably SCREW me over. One day I talk to her on IM and she tells me her ex boyfriend called and she has problems to deal with and during this she was cold and distant to the point that gave me the impression she doesn’t care if it bothers me. I initiated no contact with her again and eventually two weeks later called her and told her that it was over between me and her and that if she ever tries to contact me I will not respond.
She pleaded , cried, told me she was over her ex and that she had an option to get back with him but wouldn’t because of me . She told me he wants to get back but she wouldn’t.( THIS WAS A LIE as I WAS TOLD FROM A RELIABLE SOURCE THAT HER ex BOYFRIEND IS ENGAGED TO ANOTHER GIRL NOW) I discovered that she had lied to me about quite other things as well.
Although my friends in her class at college tell me that all she talks about is how much she loves ME and that she has been loyal and doesn’t even talk much to other guys. After my no contact, she called a few friends of mine telling them to convince me to talk to her and that I was the love of her life.
Now if you have read this story, which I am sorry, I have told in so much detail, my mind tells me to stay away from her. BUT I HAVE SUCH STRONG FEELINGS for her. Apart from the stuff described above, she is the MOST caring girl I have ever dated and the one who has shown the most interest in me despite the long distance nature of our recent relationship. She is also extremely good-looking (a definite 8) with many options. I feel used by her sometimes and feel like I have stopped myself because of her but she also made me extremely happy and for the last 4 months since our breakup I think about her EVERYDAY and am tempted to contact her. But the thoughts of her having little integrity ( how she flirted and acted with me when she was with her long term boyfriend) are in my mind constantly too.
I have girls hitting on my all the time and am a fairly good looking guy and can find another girl with ease but my HEART is STRUCK on her.
Should I give it another go, put the past behind and work on a solid relationship? We will be in the same city in a few months anyway as I am moving there for grad school and she for grad school at another college.

Thanks all!

[talaniman]

Its not love when you ignore all the warnings, and red flags, that tell you something isn't right.

You had the first red flag when you found out through others, and not her, about a boyfriend that she was cheating on, with YOU!

That should have been enough for you to get the message, and leave.

The rest of your long dreary tale is, you being even more dense and unaware, clueless is the word, and going along on a roller coaster ride you should have gotten off a long time ago.

Since you haven't had enough yet, keep trying to see if your head is harder than that brick wall, because so far you haven't listen to any one but your heart, which is stuck on stupid, not her.

Sorry to be harsh, but I figure your skin should be as hard as your head. Bet that's what she thinks too!!

[QLP]

This girl's emotions are all over the place, she wants you, she doesn't, she wants the ex, etc

She's not in love with you she's in love with the idea of being in love. You've got sucked into the drama, not to mention that her appearance is probably giving you an ego boost. The fact that you're going along with all her games isn't love though you obviously got some kind of emotional pay out of it to keep you wanting more.

Move on my friend and wait for a real relationship where you are both open and honest with one another.