[Tiredofitall]

Raised in a family where Mom belittled my father, fits of rage and anger. Parents played favorites... still do. Sibling does nothing wrong even when cussing at parents, they always find excuses... working a lot, stressed, etc. I am mother of two teens, work full time, have since before they were born, married to a sweet man who is helpful around the house, but I handle emotional issues. I'm turning into my parents... starting to get angry and say mean things to my hubby and kids when I am mad at them. I know its wrong, but having a hard time stopping. I am miserable, tired, stressed... all of the above.

[Clough]

Hi, Tiredofitall!

Who would you say is the person most capable of being in control of the way that you think and feel, please?

Thanks!

[Tiredofitall]

Me, but in moments of anger I just lose it.

[Clough]

What do you think is the cause of your getting angry, please?

[Tiredofitall]

The trigger was my child not listening to something that was repeatedly told to them. I am the one who disciplines. Then seeing a message on his phone where he was complaining to a friend about me instead of talking with me. I feel our relationship has deteriorated. Instead of talking and working this out he is withdrawing because he says "I am angry all the time." I take these things seriously and don't want to be that way... but yet I think I am becoming that way.

[Tiredofitall]

Then when I try to talk to my parents about what is going on, my mother tells me that I play favorites... and that she never did. I very much disliked that my parents did this and I constantly strive to make sure I am always completely fair to my children

[Tiredofitall]

I can't change what happened in the past, but I can feel the anger and resentment building... I have gained a lot of weight, I work a lot, money is tight, kids pushing the limits and then calling me unfair when I put my foot down. I'm just tired of it all and sometimes think about just walking away from it.

[Clough]

Teens are going to be teens. They can be really difficult for any of us to deal with them. If he says that you're angry all of the time, maybe it's time that you put more into how you react to what he says or does.

Do you respond instantly to anything that your teens say or do? Or, do you choose your words and actions very carefully?

Parents can be some of the worst ones to "play the old tapes". When you do ask for their opinion and they seem to be just the same old responses, you might want to say something like, "You might be correct".

Now, saying something like that doesn't mean that you agree with them, especially since you used the word "might". However, at least you've acknowledged what either of them might have said and given way to the opportunity for them to think that you are giving things some thought. That's part of the nurturing of parents as they get older.

Do you have anyone else you trust with whom you could go to for advice?

[Clough]

I can't change what happened in the past, but I can feel the anger and resentment building...I have gained a lot of weight, I work a lot, money is tight, kids pushing the limits and then calling me unfair when I put my foot down. I'm just tired of it all and sometimes think about just walking away from it.

If they call you "unfair", you could respond by saying "might be so", and still exercise your authority.

By saying things and also responding in ways that people aren't used to, it forces them to give pause and think, because they don't really know how to respond, unless they give things a lot of thought.

Why do you think that you've gained a lot of weight, please?

[Tiredofitall]

No one else. I work a lot and keep my personal life out of the office. Trying to get hubby to be more active in the discipline part so that I'm not always the "bad guy." My "reactions" have been knee jerk. So I do need fix that. As for my parents... I just am going to avoid talking about any of my family issues. The way I look at it is why bother... they didn't so such a great job. So, up to me to fix it and do it better. Thanks for your time... wish me luck!

[Tiredofitall]

Weight gain = stress and way of sheltering myself from being hurt I think. I'm tired of feeling I need people's acceptance... I don't want to care about it. I guess it is an unhealthy rebellion.

[Clough]

If you choose to practice ways of reacting differently, I'm sure that you'll see a difference in the way that people react to you.

It's important to remember, that we can't be in control of the ways of how others think and react, but we can control how we, as individuals think and react. We can only truly own that which is ours to own.

How about you give some time to you and seek out groups of other women with which to do things together on a regular basis?

[Clough]

Do you believe in a god or some sort of higher power?

[Tiredofitall]

You're right. I'm not being a good teacher for my children by reacting... I've got to change that.

As for others... I think I may start walking for some "me" time with our dog. I know I forget to "smell the flowers."

[Tiredofitall]

Most definitely I believe in God. I talk to him ask for help and then try to solve it on my own... we'll me solving it on my own isn't working out so well. Ha, ha.

[Clough]

We have to let God be in charge and give Him all the credit when things do go well! If we ask God for help, he'll always help us. Not in our time, but His time. And, you know something? He's always right on time, if we let Him take hold and guide us!

Getting out of ourselves and listening as well as taking heed to the "voice" that we hear and the opportunities that are presented to us can be a really difficult thing to do!

You can turn scars into stars if you try! However, doing so is a matter of choice.

Some people want to go where the grass is greener. Others try to make the grass greener where they are.

Always work to build rather than to tear down. When the temptation is there to strike back in some way, putting ourselves into the position of the other person to see things through the eyes of that person and telling them that we understand why they think and act the way they do and asking them what they might want to do to make a situation better is often a way to deflate anger and resentment in them that has taken some time to build up and release it's force.

[Clough]

I hope and pray that you have a BLESSED DAY, Tiredofitall! :)

[Clough]

So, how have things been going, Tiredofitall?

Thanks!