[laura.smith.fh]

Nobody's perfect. I know love does exist, because I've seen it. Old married couples, walking down the street, holding hands. I know people married for 25 years, and their still in love. But I have a boyfriend, and he is wonderful, my familiy loves him, and his family loves me. But we have a lot of issues.
When I meet him, I was sooo nervous, I was literally shaking! The first time we kissed, I could'nt believe it, I cried of joy. Of course he did'nt see me. :) I just could'nt believe it. It was an incrediable feeling, exiting and a rush. I thought I was in love right there.
But now we have 3 years in our relationship, he's a very good boyfriend. But that rush is no longer their. I mean I still have fun with him and laugh most of the time, but we fight a lot. He's just so jelous and controlling. I am too, but I just think we have too much issues.
When do you say, this is it? Life's not perfect and it's as good as it's going to get, because their no such thing as perfect love. It's just really messy.

[prowaker]

Hey,
My girlfriend just broke up with me earlier this week. We had similar issues before but something just put her over the edge (if you read my story). My girlfriend and I WERE the same way. The rush was there for about a solid 3 years and the past couple months she didn't feel it. We talked before about how she was never single and was only grade 12 and how she was with me her whole high school life. I agreed to give space and let her do her own thing. It worked for a bit until we did break up a few nights ago. I'm not very old myself so I just want to tell you what we did. Once we started backing off a little but and I gave her the space she wanted it was fine again. We didn't see each other as much maybe once or twice a week instead of the 5 to 6 times a week. The rush was there when we saw each other for those 2 nights. Maybe all you need is space or maybe even a break.

[I wish]

If you're both controlling, then at least you're on the same page. But both of you definitely need some help.

The first step is to admit that you have a problem, which you have. The next step is to get some help. Have you considered couples counselling?

[cindychick06]

Give each other some space!! Go out with your girlfriends, let him go out with his guy friends, take some time apart! Trust me it works! If you are constantly around each other you will never miss each other and things do get boring. You need to go out and experience some things on your own that way you have more to talk about and more exciting things to say. Distance for sure makes the heart grow fonder for sure! It's worth a try before you break up

[liz28]

No relationship is perfect. Your going have your up and downs but a relationship can last if the two people involve wants it to last. And it can last with open communcation.

However there are unhealthy relationships and this one seems to sort of fit that description. Being jealous and controlling can drown this relationship if the two of you don't grap hold of the life jacket soon.

I think couple counseling is a good idea from I Wish but I think the two of you should sit down and talk. Let it all out. While one talk one listens. Voice your concerns and fears. Don't accuse and be prepare to listen to what you don't want and want from each other.

Now if the two you can't do this after being together for the amount time you have been together then maybe you need to rethink being together.

[laura.smith.fh]

I don't know. I think we're too young to be going to couples counseling. I mean I'm only 24 and he is 24 as well. We're not even married and not even close, I mean we've talked about it a lot, but not ready for at least 3 or 4 years.
I'ts just I've been thinking, if I'm having issues today, while I still live with my parents, when we get married, it's sopose to be harder.
I love him, I just want him to be a little less controlling. And the thing is he doesn't feel he's controlling. I except I'm controlling and I want to change. But he is too stubborn and doesn't except it.
I just want to know, when do you really know, that he's the one. The one person you want to spend the rest of your life. Because I don't know if I'm being a dreamer and imagining things that doesn't exist. Like love as you see it on movies.
Should I just settle for a person that I really like, who I find extreamly handsome, kind, funny, nice, but at the same time, stubborn! Very stubborn.

[Ther4peuticH3at]

What no one seems to be saying here is whether a couple should expect that "rush" to be there forever. It's something I'd also like to know too.

In a lot of relationships, it feels like it comes and goes and it's confusing as heck for both people. It's always so hard to say what it really means. If it's absent more often than not, does it mean the two of you aren't meant to be?

[ZoeMarie]

First off, you're never too young for counseling. Sometimes when two people really want their relationship to work, it's a means for someone on the outside to step in and shed some light on what they maybe don't see.

Secondly, the above poster is right. That spark doesn't last forever. That's when relationships become more work and it's up to the people involved if they want to put forth the effort. No relationship is perfect. There will always be a tiff here and there. My grandparents were married over 60 years and even they would have a disagreement here and there. It's all in how you handle them.

[liz28]

If the rush is not there tjhen you have to create one.

Now back to the poster couple counseling is for any couple regardless of their age and you don't have to be marriage. However, it seems like you want out and looking for a way out and if you are then get out. It is good that you realize your short-commings and sad your boyfriend doesn't but at least you know what you need to change. Now if the two of you can't work on your issues as a couple then why stay?

[talaniman]

What no one seems to be saying here is whether a couple should expect that "rush" to be there forever. It's something I'd also like to know too.

That often spoke about rush, or spark sometimes gets buried in the every day routine that is life. Between work, chores, careers, disagreements, and other stresses that honeymoon rush is sometimes hidden by REALITY. This is what I wrote this morning about young love and do the feelings go away,

Quote by Talaniman,
I don't think that love has gone anywhere. Its just hidden below the realities of life that you are busy with.

Many times we are overwhelmed, and distracted by, the routine of building a life, and are distracted all the time, except in those really quiet times of peace at the end of the day, when we look at our partner while they sleep, and appreciate their efforts, and presence. Fleeting as those moments may be, over time, they are the glue that reminds you why you are together, until kids, jobs, chores, and routine take your focus away.

After 30 years of marriage you will have more time to be goo goo, ga ga, again until the grandkids come over, and distract you yet again. HeHeHe, but they get picked up and go home soon enough, and you can chase each other around naked if you wish! (blinds drawn of course)

Then we have the level of commitment, the willingness to work together through honest communications, and just plain good fortune. What's confusing, is when one partner cannot talk to the other one for whatever reason, and whether one or both gets distracted by feelings or events, the question instead of believe in their partner.

Handling anger, and defining boundaries through honest communications is also a cornerstone of any relationship, so as to meet the challenges as a team, and not as an individual. COPING SKILLS! There is a lot of work to stay together during tough times, when others quit for whatever reason, but how a couple handles it will tell if they grow old together, or apart. And sometimes we have to acknowledge the fact that after a lot of kissing, it's a frog, not a prince/princess.

Not all relationships last, and knowing how to walk away and cope with your hurt is a lesson to learn early. But some take longer than others, and there are no guarantees to anything.

End of soap box, questions anyone??