[harmless_goon]

Threads merged. Please don't duplicate your question.

Hi all,

I've got a little issue with my current girlfriend, but this always seems to happen with all of them.

Before I've ever actually asked a girl out, it's always been perfect (we talked, flirted, the whole lot). I felt so alive. This goes on for a while, until we decided to make it a little more serious. Now after this I always think 'will she still think the same tomorrow'. Answer is yes. This feeling of fresh new love lasts for quite some time.. until a few weeks down the road, which is where I am now.

I swear something changed overnight, we were so happy, then the next day I was absolutely miserable... That day she didn't really talk to me. She left me out in the cold, didn't show her love like she did... This went on for about 2 days, until I finally asked her if something was up. She explained that she had a rough week and it wasn't my fault.The next day was the same as the past 2.

I was feeling like still, so I excluded myself from my mates and her. (because she hangs around in our 'group').. She asks me what is wrong, I keep telling her nothing because I don't want to start something.. about 2 hours later I explained why via text. 'It feel like we aren't as close anymore' She replied by saying 'i need to spend time with my friends as well as you'

The next day we went to see a movie for valentines day (both busy on the actual day, so we did it day before). All was fine, until we got back to her house. I got a vibe that she didn't want me there, so we watched another movie, then I ended up leaving..

I don't want to lose her. I think it's me that has changed since we first starting dating, and that she's getting bored of me. Is this the case?

It seems all of my relationships follow this same route, I don't want to end up in the same place.

Ideas?

:(

[mgoblue]

I would just sit down and talk to her and figure everything out. I'm currently going through something similar.

I finally found a girl I liked so much and eventually love and still do, everything was great for the 1st 2 months or so, we were couldn't be separated.

Eventually we knew we were spending too much time together, and drew a little bit apart from how we were.

Now we are currently broken up until she figures her life out she was recently diagnosed with mild depression and has hid an eating disorder from everyone for 8 years. She says she needs to figure this out and get better alone.

Anyway, I would say honest communication is the key for it to work. And work with one another through everything, a relationship is a long bumpy journey, just stay with it.

[redhed35]

Having space,meeting friends and activities outside of the relelationship is very important,perhaps she did have a rough week,and it was nothing to do with you.

If this keeps happening the nperhaps the problem is within you,and not them,are you busy in your own life,do you get clingy after a few weeks,do you get insecure.

It takes time for relationships to develop,you sound young,don't take the fact that she wants to see her friends personnally,relax,and let the relationship take its natural course.

[talaniman]

You are a classic case of not being able to adjust to the reality your in. When the honeymoon is over, and the routine sets in, it doesn't mean the relationship is over, it has just moved on since the freshness is gone. That's pretty common with any relationship. That's when adjustments have to be made, and the work of getting to know each other really starts.

That you take this as a personal affront to her feelings for you, is not only unrealistic, but its pretty selfish that she has to give you that kind of attention.

If your so insecure that you need to be constantly told, or shown she cares, then those are your issues to deal with, and has nothing to do with what she is doing.

You had better deal with your issues, and learn not to put your dignity, and pride in how much attention you get, and balance your life with other healthy things besides a girlfriend, or you will always be wondering why you are miserable.

[harmless_goon]

True.

I do try to keep myself busy with sport, music etc etc
But it's when I'm alone I think.

I do believe I've changed. Before actually dating, I was more relaxed and had fun, didn't think too much because life was good, which is what I believe made her attracted to me.

So I guess I'll try and not make her my number 1 priority, because we're only young (16) and chances are it's not going to work out. And just try and be like how I was before we started dating.

[harmless_goon]

Hi, as the title says, I'm pretty sure I'm destroying my relationship with the girl of my dreams.. :(

Some background
It's been a while now that I've felt sort of doubtful about our relationship, thinking back how we used to be, she always wanted to see me, made time for me etc. (honey moon period)

Before the incident (next paragraph) we were close she was happy around me, like a normal couple would be. But it wasn't as intimate as how we used to be. She didn't really show her interest anymore which got me thinking 'does she still love me'. She took longer to reply to her texts which were only 1 word answers. She didn't really hold my hand, she sort of just let it go..

2 days ago I was feeling like and didn't want to speak to anyone, and ended up ignoring/avoiding her all day. I tried to explain to her my reasons, and she palmed me off. All yesterday she did the same thing I had done to her, and later that day she told me that she wanted me to know how it felt.

Now today she was talking to me a little, but still very distant to how we used to be. I didn't really make the effort to make things up to her, and now I am kicking myself for it.
She won't reply to my texts, and when I see her (at school) she is very quick with me sort of thing, just wants to leave, go and talk to her other guy friends sort of thing..

What can I do :(
I don't want to let her go..

[Aurora_Bell]

Well in my opinion, the first mistake was avoiding her and shutting her out in the first place. If you weren't feeling particularly chatty, why not tell her before you tried to avoide her all day?

Obviously her feelings are hurt, maybe she feels like you don't trust her enough to talk to her about your feelings, and I bet she feels a bit rejected. Why not ask her to the movies or dinner and try and talk about what's been getting you down, and tell her how you feel about her?

[startover22]

As Aurora said, communication is key. Before you want to be left alone, it would have been better to tell her you aren't feeling emotionally well. Then you could have the whole day to kind of work on your emotions without upsetting her. Tell her next time you need some time you will do exactly that and you will understand if she has the same needs. Good luck!

[Jake2008]

It sounds like you are both playing games with each other.

She ignores you, gives off signs something is up, you turn around and do likewise.

And where has that left you.

If you don't talk, and if you don't listen, you will learn nothing but how to be paranoid, accusational, and immature.

Relationships are built upon a foundation, that always starts with knowing each other, and that takes a lot of time. If you aren't out of the starting gate, and she isn't out of the starting gate, with being able to talk to each other, you have not yet accomplished a solid relationship.

I don't find either of you at fault for anything more than making assumptions about the other.

My advice to you is not brush it under the table, give her a few days to cool off, and suggest you go somewhere where you can talk to each other face to face, and most importantly, listen.

[harmless_goon]

I didn't really want to get her involved at the time (family issues). But now I really I had let her know what was going on before hand.

The thing is she's really busy for the next couple of weeks, so I'm only able to see her at school for the meantime.

So I guess I should just give her time/space until she comes around? Because at the moment, she just just doesn't seem interested.

[dontknownuthin]

I'd suggest you tell her you'd like to talk and ask her out somewhere, like take her out for coffee or something. Then tell her how you feel about her and let her know you have not liked the awkwardness, are sorry if you were not treating her right and ask her if she's willing to work with you on making things better. If she doesn't want to go, she's not willing and you need to let it go.

Take care!

[harmless_goon]

Little update:

Got a message from her last night pretty much saying 'im confused about us, I need time to think, will get back to you in a few days'

Not looking too good :(

[startover22]

Let her have her time. Then when she calls just ask if you could talk face to face and let her know exactly what's going on. Tell her it was a mistake to just "ignore her" Hopefully that will be the beginning of a GOOD COMMUNICATION relationship! Good luck

[harmless_goon]

She didn't say anything to me today. I said hello to her this morning, and she didn't even reply. Just ignored me all day, then went and hung out with these guys (who are distant friends sort of thing)

:(

[startover22]

Leave her alone. She is playing hurtful games now. How old are you both?

[harmless_goon]

16.

Leave her alone as in call it quits? Or just don't speak to her or anything?

[Homegirl 50]

Leave her alone. She ask for space give it to her. You go on as if she is no longer your girl ( and she is not, she asked for a break)
Take this all as a lesson learned. If you are going to ignore someone and act disinterested, there are consequences.

[Aurora_Bell]

Yup I agree with homegirl, time to take a step back and give her the space she asked for.

[startover22]

I still say leave her alone until she is ready to make a move for both of you to have a rational conversation. No blaming, no nothing but what to do next. Good luck and I hope it all works out for you.

[harmless_goon]

She ended it through a txt message. Dropped a knowledge bomb on me.

I'm an idiot..