[Joyslife]

I divorced my ex last August 2009 due to emotional abuse that I could not endure anymore. He began to try to contact me and I did not start accepting his calls until January 2010. I felt stronger and in control of me for a change. When he started to call in April 2010 to tell me how much he realized how much he still loved me, admitted that he screwed up and was sorry and asked if I still loved him and if we could start over slow, I agreed to meet him for lunch which turned into much more. Now when I agreed to start over slowly, he pulls back and tells me he is scared and has started dating someone new and that it was due to me breaking boundaries that our marriage ended. I told him to leave me alone, quit calling me etc. He does this for a few weeks then starts the same calls, texts and emails all over again telling me he will love me forever and misses me so much. I finally told him that I was changing my number and email address and I will contact him if I change my mind and that I don't want him in my life anymore for all he does is hurt me. I know I am crazy for I still love him very much, but I cannot keep going through this anymore. My question is, why is this man doing this to me? Anyone have any answers or advice to me. Yes, I stupidly have hope, should I not? Thanks,
Joy

[Cat1864]

The why is fairly simple, you are letting him. If you get him out of your life and lock the door behind him mentally and physically, he can't play these games with you.

I know it is tempting to want to give him a chance because you love him. Some part of you always will. You did love him enough to marry him. He has shown that some part of him will always see you as a target for his insecurities. You have already shown that you are not going to be that target any more.

I don't know how bad the marriage was or how long it lasted, but a support group for abused women is something you might want to look into to help you stay away from him. Talking to other women who have been in your shoes could be the help you need to fully let him go and allow yourself to heal and move on.

[talaniman]

My question is, why is this man doing this to me? Anyone have any answers or advice to me. Yes, I stupidly have hope, should I not? Thanks,

Well it worked before, so why not try the same strategy again? Unfortunately his hope is for more boundary crossing, and yours is much deeper.

You have to let the false hope go and see that it leads you down a path of more misery and pain. He knows that he can stay on your mind by contacting you and blowing sweet stuff in your ear, because you let him.

Stop listening, stop his contact by ignoring it, and get some good people around you to support you with a healthy lifestyle filled with activities that make you happy.

That's your best revenge for someone that can use your feelings against you, for his own purpose.

[Devorameira]

He’s doing it because he’s always been able to control you and is trying to do it again. This has nothing to do with love or hate. This guy is all about control. People like him have no concept of love.

Leopards never change their spots. Change your phone number and email and stay away from him. You deserve someone better.