[RTingey61]

Hi - I was wondering if one child is the sole caregiver to their parent and the other child contributes nothing, is there any type of compensation that the one child that doesn't do anything has to compensate the caregiver?

Thank you for your time.
RTingey61

[cdad]

No, there is nothing to be exchanged. If your doing it its because you want to.

[jukijuju]

Hi, I am going through the same thing, have a sister who lives within 4 hours, who does nothing to help my 91 year old mother,, I also cared for my fahter dying of brain cancer 10 years ago ,I live 3500 miles away which is financially draining me and my husband, in the last 3 years she has suffered broken hil,broken back, torn rotator cuff, a fib, cataract surgery, 2 strokes, numerous medication misshaps, etc, my 3 children live within 5 miles of her and also contribute to her care, but they have young families making it diffacult for them,, my mother is leaving her assets [which are not much] equally to my sister and me,, my sister has not contributed any $$$ or physical help,, she knows we share equally,,
A friend of mime just told me to set up a caregiver contract with my mother which will pay me for her care, whether she is living alone or with us or in a nursing facility , as long as we are taking care of her needs, as to overseeing her needs.. check it out, I think this is what you need to protect yourself, that you are not draining yourself financially

[cdad]

Since the situation involes a parent I don't believe you can write such a contract. For one thing unless you're a trained medical professional that alone could disqualify it. If you have a POA for her (Power Of Attorney) then you could collect something for your efforts. Parent or not. How does your mom feel about being charged for her care?

[dontknownuthin]

I don't think it's bad to ask this question - caring for an elderly relative can be very difficult and can put a person under great financial strain. If your assistance enables your mother to remain in an independent living situation, and you are managing the responsibility with care and responsibility, there is great financial value to your help.

The first question is who is responsible for your mother's finances. If she is still responsible for her own money, then the decision is hers. You should be very careful though - if she's not able to make decisions independently, you do not want to step in and decide for her or talk her into something your sibling won't like - they might later accuse you of "taking advantage" which could be a mess.

In any case it might be valuable to outline all the different options such as an assisted living arrangement, nursing home, or drop-in, part-time care. Price it out. Also keep track of what you do that these services would do if you did not. Do you do her laundry? Clean her home? Does she live with you? Does she drive? Do you take her to her medical appointments? Does she need help with personal care? Figure out what you could realistically continue to do for her, and what might be too much for you.

You might be comfortable taking her where she needs to go and doing her household chores and shopping, for example, but maybe feel you need a nurse to help her bathe and wash her hair.

Once you have the information together, speak to your sibling and ask for their help in coming up with a plan. If your mother is still able to participate, respectfully include her in the discussion of what she needs, and what she wants. Also talk about what she wants you to do if she should become unable to make decisions down the line.

Of course part of the discussion is what she can afford. If she can afford to pay a maid and everyone agrees to you being that maid, sure, she could pay you to do that. If she can afford to pay for a tank of gas each month and that's what you use taking her around, great. Or if she owns a car - perhaps she could give you the car with the understanding that you will take her where she needs to go.

Once you have some idea of what you want to do, you might want to have it spelled out legally to make sure there are no misundertandings on any part.