[kmoncld]

I have been friends with a girl since HS. We lost touch and reconnected about 7 years later. So, the past 4 yrs. We have become very close. About 2 yrs. Ago she got into a bad accident on a 4 wheeler. She broke one of the main vertebrates in her back. She never had surgery and was on pain pills. Once the doctor stopped her pain medication she sought it on her own. She had become dependent on oxycodone for a very long time. Finally, she weaned herself off them and relied on cyboxin. She has been on the cyboxin ever since.

After the accident she became in debt and couldn't pay her rent so she moved into her parents basement. She has been living there for close to 2 years with her husband and 2 children. Over this time I have lent her money at anytime she has asked. There were many times when she did not pay me back when she agreed to which was fine. I got her a job through my boss. My boss paid her under the table and told the state it was volunteer work so that my friend was able to collect money from the state. My friend burned a lot of bridges w/ the people I introduced her to. She collected money for her child's fundraiser from all of the people we worked with at the time and never gave anybody the items they ordered and paid for. I never was upset with her over this and completely let it go.

Well, about 3 months. Ago I decided I wanted to renovate the inside of my home. My friends husband does flooring and I asked his opinion about what type of flooring would be best for me. He gave me his thoughts and offered to help my husband. He did wonderfully... he did it all with the assistance of my husband. Toward the end he started asking for a little bit of money for other side jobs we asked him to do and we agreed. Other than that, he installed all of the laminate flooring in our mobile home for free which was great!

Since that time, I had noticed my friend becoming distant. After a mo of not hearing from her I tried to contact her. She didn't respond to me whatsoever. I had my husband bring her a letter and finally received an answer. She told me that she feels like I took advantage of her because her husband did our floors for free and he doesn't even do that for his mother so what makes me think that I am so special. She said that I know that they are in a bad financial situation and I really hurt her by not taking into consideration all the hard work her husband put into doing are floors. Since then I have written to her telling her that I love her and want to work this out but she will not talk or write. It has now been 3 months. And I have had not contact from her besides the one email stating that she thinks I tool advantage...

What is your take on this whole situation?

[I wish]

She's in an extremely difficult situation because of her medical bills.

It's unfortunate that you learnt her money and her husband did some work for free at your home.

It's always better to keep money out of friendships and family, so that you can avoid these types of awkward situations.

You already told her that you're sorry, so the ball is on her side of the court. If she wanted to repair the friendship, she will contact you. Otherwise, I think it's bests that you go your separate ways.

Like you said, she has a way of burning her bridges, with that kind of attitude, it was only a matter of time that she burnt your bridge.

[kmoncld]

I never apologized. I wanted to agree to disagree. I don't feel like I took advantage of her...

[Jake2008]

While she is in dire straights, and you helped her enormously financially and otherwise, it is not okay to steal from people, or borrow money from people, knowing you have to pay it back, and then accuse you of being somehow deceiptful?

I think you are too forgiving, and the money aside, what kind of person steals fundraiser money- from her daughter no less.

You even went out on a limb and got her a job.

Give give give!

When is it time for you to put your foot down and stop apologizing for her bad behaviour, and stop being such an easy mark for this woman.

At some point, the give and take has to balance out, whether it be money, favours, etc. otherwise, the relationship is very one sided, unhealthy, and will build resentment.

Stop helping her, stop making excuses for her bad behaviour, and don't feel guilt for the 'free' help from her husband to lay a floor. I've laid floors myself, you don't have to be a rocket scientist.

I'm sorry to sound harsh, you have a good heart, clearly I can see that. But, don't be a sucker and think about a more balanced friendship the next time somebody needs a handout.